What did you think?
If any of you are familiar with the movie Wonderland, I’d like to ask:
What did you think?
Loved it — Hated it — Connected — Despised?
It would be great to hear your thoughts.
Thanks,
Dawn
If any of you are familiar with the movie Wonderland, I’d like to ask:
What did you think?
Loved it — Hated it — Connected — Despised?
It would be great to hear your thoughts.
Thanks,
Dawn
September 27th, 2004 at 10:27 am
I actually just watched Wonderland last night, and I thought the movie was very interesting. I can’t believe everything you went through. I found that it was well put together, and overall a good movie. How accurate were the characters portrayed?
September 27th, 2004 at 12:11 pm
Loved it! The Wonderland murders were new to me when i watched the film. After watching the film i felt compelled to track you down! When can we expect the book in the UK? What did u think of the film?
September 27th, 2004 at 6:49 pm
Hi, I loved it!. I know that Mrs. Holmes and yourself had alot to do with the movie, producing it I think. What was that experience like? How did you go about finding the right cast? Also do you think John and yourself were portrayed well in the movie?
Lesley
September 29th, 2004 at 12:44 am
Thanks for your responses.
The characters of John, Sharon, Eddie, the cops, Sally, (the woman who took me in at the start of the movie) and myself, were portrayed as best as time and film space would allow. I think there were some misconceptions regarding my character by the critics, really only due to the time issues the director and producers had to deal with. The whys and hows and whens of my story had to be condensed for film’s sake and the results were many times, (not all), harsh.
But Wonderland is only about a part of my story. The movie is about the gruesome murders of which I had knowledge and was indirectly involved. There is so much that was left out with regard to John, Sharon and myself. Things I felt really needed to be told, and so the book.
Watching and helping on the set was bitter sweet. I was very excited to be working with such highly talented actors/actresses, but also had to process the re-living of some traumatic events. I can’t even begin to mention everyone who worked on the film. An incredible group of caring/sweet people. They were all there with a cup of tea or a chair and many, many times when things got tough on the set watching an emotional scene, I had more arms of support around me than any one person can count.
Finding the right cast was time consuming. I spoke to various actors and researched them online, looking for the right facial structure, age, coloring, persona, etc. We went through lists and lists of actors, until we found that Val Kilmer was suddenly available and we were floored that there might be a chance to have him sign on. I have to give the producer Holly Weirsma credit here, she is a very determined, capable woman and, well, the rest is history.
Kate was also ideal. She was the right age as me at the time and such a strong, confident actress who we knew wanted to show how much she could act. I think she did great!
Lisa Kudrow strikes an uncanny resemblence to Sharon Holmes in facial structure and also was roughly the same age. She understood Sharon’s character to a tea and all that had to be done was give her long dark hair. She also, did great.
I don’t know what the answer is to when the release of the book will be in the UK, but I will try to find out.
These were great questions, thanks again.
Dawn
September 30th, 2004 at 11:38 pm
The Wonderland murders were new to me as well. Until I had seen the movie I hadn’t even heard of John Holmes. I think the movie was excellent and very compelling. I have full intentions of buying your book just so I can understand you, Sharon and John more. I will say that the cast was extraordinary! I loved Kate Bosworth, she had me sympathizing for you, and through her I saw how hard it was for you. I am 19 yrs old and I have just gotten out of the whole drug scene. I have to say that I know what its like to be an addict like these people were, and I know what it’s like to want to do ANYTHING for some blow. To watch this really touched me and I am now, more than ever, glad that I have stopped when I did. So many tragedies happen because of drugs. I am glad that you’re a survivor as well! Again I loved the movie and can’t wait to get my hands on your book!!!
October 3rd, 2004 at 12:51 pm
Hi,
Glad to hear you made it out of that world before it was too late. Yes, soooooo many tragedies occur when drugs are involved, and the longer you are in it, the worse it gets. Always drugs will tell you otherwise and lead you down the path of insanity, falsely assuring you that you are in control. In fact, Eddie, John and the Wonderland gang firmly believed that they knew what they were doing, that they had it figured out! How crazy drugs can make people is terrifying! For Susan and Barbara to be in that house at that time, the word tragic doesn’t seem enough — how overwhelmingly sad — all of it.
Thanks again for your interest and I appreciate your input. Hang in there.
Dawn
October 16th, 2004 at 11:21 am
I of course hated it. Not because it was a bad movie but because you are my sister and i love you and it hurt me deeply to see these things happening to you! But at least i got to hear about it from you first! Most of the people i have talked to were just plain shocked. They just sort of sat in silence for a moment reflecting the horrors of what real life actually consists of. There was no fluff so it is a movie with a connection if you can be or are aware that this kind of stuff really does happen. It did back then and it still does to this day.
Love you!
October 16th, 2004 at 9:30 pm
I’ve watched Wonderland several times, and find it fascinating (it was just on satellite again). I was really schocked when I heard the name David Lind, since I have the same last name. We’re not related (I certainly HOPE we’re not), but the name’s not all that common.
As others have stated, I’m glad to see you’ve gotten out of that world and into something much more positive. I was in the rock music crowd in San Francisco during that same period and came across the same sort of drug scene, but without the criminal aspects (thank God!). Fortunately, I never got into it all that heavily, and gradually got away from it altogether.
I’m not sure if you care to discuss this or not, but it looked as if your character’s eyes were black after “Gabrielle’s” visit to Nash. Was that correct, or just how they made up Kate Bosworth? I came across this site looking for your book. You write very well and I’m looking forward to reading it!
Take care of yourself. I read your latest entry about your recent problems. Needless to say, you’re in a much better place than you were. You certainly have a lot more strength than those losers in the movie….
October 16th, 2004 at 9:31 pm
PS: since this moderated, I’ll give you my e-mail address…
October 17th, 2004 at 11:53 am
Dawn, I saw the movie last night and was amazed with your part of the story. How did you get your life together? I am your age and was faced with similar choices as a teenager. When is your book coming out?
October 17th, 2004 at 5:26 pm
Just saw the movie tonight, and I thought it was awesome, but sad. I can understand how you stayed in the situation, but, Im glad you made it out when you did. I know this is VERY VERY personal, but, the end says John died of AIDS in 88′. Well, I knew that, but I guess I never stopped to think of how that would have affected you, his ex wife, or anyone else that he had been intimate with. I certainly hope it missed you, I assume it wasnt necessarily from all of the sex, but maybe from the sharing of drugs?? Could you correct me if Im wrong? Im working on a paper for school, and would like to know if indeed you and the ex Mrs. were given a clean bill of health?? If you dont want to answer, I totally understand, it would just help me alot..Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this, and take care of yourself..
October 17th, 2004 at 6:17 pm
Hello to Ms. J. Lind, (no, not that Lind), Tina and Renee,
Thanks for all your questions and good wishes. I am so glad that the drugs didn’t pull you down like what happened to me.
First, in the bathtub scene of Wonderland Kate’s eyes ARE black and blue and her lip is split. She is also re-enacting the exact zombie-like feelings that I experienced when John did this to me. In the scene just prior to the bathtub scene when John and I walk into the motel, you can kind of see the silhouette of his fist coming down on my head. The truth is that John was very violent, especially in the cycle of drug abuse. I have started a topic for Violence and very much support my local domestic violence shelter as I see myself today as a survivor.
The book will hopefully be out by Winter 2005 if all goes well, if not, soon after. Books are a slow process and like my agent likes to say, not only should they tell a story, but they should be a good read. Lot’s of work, but I am diligent and appreciate everyone’ s patience. Yes, so far the working title is, “The Road Through Wonderland”. I am told however, that ultimately the publisher has the final word.
No. Thank God I do not have AIDS. Neither does Sharon. It is my understanding that John contracted it in 1986, which is four years after both Sharon and I last saw him, other than just before he died in 1988. I don’t blame you for wondering about it though. I seems a natural next thought.
Thanks again for your questions. I truly believe that sharing our experiences can benefit each other and don’t mind an honest inquiry.
Dawn
October 18th, 2004 at 4:06 am
Thanks for the reply! The movie gave me the impression that Nash had done that to you, but it makes more sense that Holmes would have, especially if he was so heavily into cocaine. I would imagine he’d have gotten really paranoid when he was on it. Did he use any other drugs to any extent, like speed or heroin?
Also, did he have anything else going for him in his life? What I mean is, did he choose to work in adult films because he couldn’t do anything else, or was it his narcissism that attracted him to that sort of work? If he chose to hang out with the types like on Wonderland, his judgment was obviously very deficient.
Do you think he was directly involved in the murders, as the movie suggested at the end? I also wonder about the Wonderland place. Didn’t the neighbors ever complain about the noise and all the insanity that was going on there (at least as the movie made it seem)? I know I wouldn’t have wanted to have them for neighbors!
By the way, the J is for John – I didn’t think when I posted my last name that I didn’t give a clue to whether I was a man or woman, but that was my mistake….
October 19th, 2004 at 10:14 am
The movie was great! I heard of the wonderland murders way before the movie even was a thought! I did a report on the murders in college when a professor didn’t argue the fact that it did not pertain to exactly what he was looking for. But hey still got an A. So many questions and so little time. It is interesting how things get so big when a topic becomes a movie or anything in the entertainment industry. I think it is awesome how you had the courage to relive all the horrible things that surrounded all the choas of John Holmes. I had experiences with the heavy drug use throughout my life. I watched the movie about two weeks ago and loved it. It was very true to the story since in reality, they are not still sure what really went down that night and who took part in the murders. But that is the justice system for you. Well making this short. A question: You took part making the movie right? How hard was that for you?
October 19th, 2004 at 9:57 pm
I just saw it and I was very impressed with the structure and how it didn’t feel the need to have everything resoloved in a neat little package. The relationship between Dawn and Sharon was fascinating. I would never believe 2 women matched up in those circumstances could find common ground, much less friendship, but the characters made it completely believable. What are your thoughts on how that relationship was portrayed?
October 19th, 2004 at 11:30 pm
i just got done watching it. i’ve seen wonderland a few times now, and i dig it. it’s a very good movie.
October 19th, 2004 at 11:50 pm
Hello,
Sorry Mr. Lind, my mistake. Yes, John got paranoid alright…in the worst possible way. I doesn’t sound either as though he ever gave himself enough of a break from drugs to get his thoughts cleared out, all the way up to his death. From what the police told me, John remained scattered, delusional and manipulative.
Speed, to my memory was not around and no John never did heroin with me. I think I need to be real grateful here, because if he had brought it home and used it, he would have wanted me to do it too…and I would have. Not a pretty thought, but I know that towards the end of our relationship I wanted to escape an ugly existence and John wanted to control. The control, really, is probably the reason he didn’t want to do heroin. He liked feeling powerful and cocaine made him feel on top of the world…except when he was coming down. There are a few exceptions of course. John did dabble. He definately liked to understand what everyone was into. It helped him to figure out what made them tick. He was a street kid in a way. The survior who tries to stay five steps ahead of people so he can always come out first. Completely insecure….boy do I know that to be true. He was a very capable person and could have done alot of things with his life and done well. Especially with the Arts. But he got a kind of instant gratification with the porn industry and lost any desire to work at anything solid. Addiction is like this…an obsessive need for instant gratification…it all makes sense. His desire for something real in his life was his greatest heartbreak. He could never achieve or keep something worthy. He tried very hard though, with me he tried very hard.
As for whether or not I think he was involved with the murders. Well, that is in the book and what I know to have happened, is what I tell. It was what I remember and it is as simple as that.
Glad to know you are not that Lind by the way.
My Best,
Dawn
October 19th, 2004 at 11:58 pm
Hi Ami,
Wow, you bet it was hard at times. Bittersweet is how can describe it. I was treated very, very well and taken care of by just about everyone who had anything to do with the movie. From grips to the heads of Lions Gate. This helped alot. Kate, Val and Lisa were so wonderful and sweet that it was a pleasure to be around them after going through the hard parts. Honestly, I had already processed alot of my past before the director and producers approached me with the script for Wonderland, but I still had alot of fear and spent a good six months before filming seeing a counselor regularly. What ended up happening is that I confronted alot of issues that I hadn’t realized were still there. An added benefit of the movie for me. It forced me to grow alot further than I ever thought possible. Quite the experience!
Thanks,
Dawn
October 20th, 2004 at 12:14 am
Hi Seth,
The relationship was portrayed accurately. Sharon and I are very close even to this day. We are real people and we knew each other since I was fifteen also. When you know how we interacted over the years, you get a better idea of how not too unusual it really is that we are close, at least in our opinon. She saw me as a daughter, a girl alone who had no one. Well, I suppose the truth is stranger than fiction.
After everything, we saw no maliciousness in each other and tended to see the good as more important than harboring resentments. This was the more natural choice for us.
Thanks,
Dawn
October 20th, 2004 at 1:27 am
Sorry Mr. Lind, my mistake.
No problem at all! After all, I didn’t provide any way of knowing.
I guess you can always take heart in the fact that as bad as he was, it could have been worse had he gotten into speed or heroin. I wondered while watching the movie how, with all the heavy drug use, particularly at Wonderland, they were able to think straight about anything at all. Obviously it was the drugs that led them to try something as crazy as hitting Nash.
I get the impression from the movie and what you’ve written here that you’re a strong person who is able to overcome problems like drugs and other adversities: a survivor. As I stated, I knew quite a few heroin addicts, and out of that crowd, there was maybe one or two who were strong enough to get out of it. The one, who everyone though would never quit, did finally manage to get and stay clean. I knew she had it in her. She’s just lucky she did so when she did because AIDS was just starting to really take its toll on the IV drug crowd. I’m so glad I never could handle needles.
Did John ever shoot cocaine, or was it mainly freebase and snorting? Was he still alive when crack came around? I’m lucky I never cared for it; it always seemed like a real waste of money, particularly when a doctor pays about $12/gram for pure stuff from the pharmacy. I was more of a “head”, being a guitar player. The sort of stuff I was into wasn’t as likely to have long term adverse affects on my health…..
October 20th, 2004 at 4:14 pm
Hi,
Glad your friend made it out. In truth the odds of staying clean and sober are very, very slim, I know. I don’t remember what the actual statistics are, but they are not good and this is a main reason why I feel so compelled to share my story. Alot of the time, to hear how someone who has been in the same rough situation as you and survived, can make a difference.
Needles…. Part of why I won’t come out and directly say much about needles is simply because of my book. I write about a specific situation revolved around needles. I will say, like above, that John dabbled and always said he would try anything once. But John was also a contradiction…. You are wise to question it.
Cheers,
Dawn
October 22nd, 2004 at 10:34 am
heyhey… i must say that i found the show really interesting although somewhat disturbing coz of the male characters.. but then again, guess life’s like that.. just wanna say 3 cheers for u dawn, for getting out of all this and moving on with life.. I am truly impressed by your resiliance.
also, am in awe at your continuing friendship with Sharon especially given the nature of both your relationship with John… must admit that this message seems somewhat surreal to me.. but am feeling glad that there’s still hope for the human nature… =) thanks for proving it.. =)
mel
October 22nd, 2004 at 12:28 pm
Hey,
Yes, disturbing, I agree. For guys it has to really hit another gut level of “Oh shit”, seeing how some basic natural tendencies can quickly make a turn for the worse. If it sends a shiver of fear down your spine, make it a healthy fear and walk on a wiser person.
Thanks for the kudos. I certainly feel blessed to have come out of all that. BUT what I feel I should strongly convey is that, it WASN’T EASY! Even with what I believe to be lots of luck on my side, it was a very difficult, painful and time consuming road of recovery. I don’t recommend it, but also want people to know that you can turn your life around if you happen to find yourself in too deep.
Sharon and I agree about the triumph of human nature, and laugh sometimes at how people don’t get it. We consider ourselves true survivors and firmly believe in the support and understanding of each other as opposed to tearing down and hurting each other. It is how we grew, and continue to grow, to be better people. I spoke to her last night and she is well, by the way, and fully supports my book and any other way to help people. She is a good person.
Cheers,
Dawn
October 24th, 2004 at 8:53 am
well, i guess somehow or the other, bad things turn out to be blessings in disguise.
I’m curious.. i understand that u mentioned that the show was as true as possible rite.. erm.. but even those scenes played out in Susan’s memory and the testimonies? was thinking that although the show was portrayed in terms of multiple point of view, human nature usually give more credence to the truth which i feel is shown through the scenes of one’s memory through flashbacks… the result is, i end up seeing a conclusion in the story and a focus more on how individual viewpoints, especially testimonies could distort the truth… is it true to put it this way?
in any case, still love the effects and the way the show was filmed….
mel
October 26th, 2004 at 5:34 pm
I absolutley loved the movie! The performance and the cast was superb. Your situation touched me the most. I had gotten married to a man that I loved so deeply and he was secretly freebasing. It didn’t stay a secret for long. He had similarities to John, the sweet talking Romeo to the evil man the drugs made him. It was so hard to get the courage and strength to leave him. I could totally relate to the anxiety you went thru when he would leave you alone to go on his “runs”. How did you finally get the courage to leave John? As you loved him so unconditionally. What was your defining moment when you knew you had to get away no matter how much you loved him? I was so relieved at the end when it said you left him!
My Best, Nicole
October 27th, 2004 at 8:36 am
I LOVED IT I’VE WATCHED IT ABOUT 20 OR MORE TIMES. I BOUGHT THE DVD. THE COMMENTARY WAS GREAT AND VERY INFORMATIVE. ITS SO SAD HOW SUSAN AND BARBARA JUST HAPPENED TO BE THERE THAT FATEFUL NIGHT. SO YOU NEVER MET ANY OF THE WONDERLAND GANG? DO YOU KNOW IF SUSAN IS STILL ALIVE? I KNOW SHE TESTIFIED AND BASICALLY DISAPPEARED DIDNT SHE? DID YOU FOLLOW THE TRIAL AT ALL? WELL GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU MADE IT OUT OF THAT MESS. GOD BLESS,
STEPHANIE
October 27th, 2004 at 1:18 pm
Hey Mel,
Although I cannot attest to the validity of what people other than me and who I was with saw and experienced that night, I do know that what was portrayed comes directly from court records and police statements given by Susan and David Lind.
I do think the movie makes a statement in the end. In the words of James Cox, “how deep does the rabbit hole go?” I think the movie gives you the facts and lets you, the viewer, decide. In the end, the only real conclusion is that four people were bludgeoned to death.
Thanks.
Dawn
October 27th, 2004 at 11:35 pm
Hi Nicole,
Courage. Yes, courage…in the true sense of the word. Fear kept me with him, fear that I would die without him, fear that he would die without me, fear that he (or others would kill me). By the end of our relationship, I was ashamed of myself, of the things he forced me to do. He told me that no one would ever want me again, only he knew that I was beautiful, everyone else would only despise me. He was someone I believed and looked up to since I was fifteen, and in the end I feared him.
I wish I could reveal the circumstances of my escape from John right now, but I’m pretty sure my agent wouldn’t approve. What I can say is that it was another bizarre trigger of events that led to my rescue and I am so very grateful. Nothing less than divine intervention in my eyes…and angels in the strangest disguise. Once my book is out, I look forward to discussing this topic in detail for those who are interested.
I’m glad you are safe now too. Courage is one of the biggest words in our vocabulary, I think.
Blessings,
Dawn
October 27th, 2004 at 11:42 pm
Hi Stephanie,
Yeah, good movies kind of draw you to them over and over, allowing you to always see more.
I do happen to know that Susan is alive, but has not had an easy road in life. I know that she is a very sweet woman and it broke alot of people’s hearts to see this horrific event happen to her. I wish her all the best and sincerely hope she finds the strength and support to be well and have peace.
Thanks for asking about her, she deserves to be cared about.
Dawn
October 29th, 2004 at 11:16 am
I own wonderland as well as the wadd life and times of john holmes dawn has been an insperation to me and everything in my life from hotel rooms to drugs I LOVE THE MOVIE I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR FOUR ON THE FLOOR IT’S A BOOK ABOUT THE WONDERLAND MURDRES AND I’VE BEENTRYING TO FIND DAWN’S BOOK THAT’S WHY I AM HERE ANY WAY DAWN I HAVE ALOT OF RESPECT FOR YOU AND YOU REALLY DO INSPIRE ME TO GO ON
November 1st, 2004 at 9:33 pm
Hi Jodee,
Hey, sorry I missed seeing your post. Just got this cool edit called “recent posts” and saw that you had written.
I’m hoping you are safe. The book “The Four on the Floor”, I really don’t know anything about, and my book is in the editing process. When I have more information, I will definately pass it along.
My best to you and thanks for signing in.
Dawn
November 4th, 2004 at 3:22 pm
First I must say how incredibly cool it is that you actually respond to what people comment about on your site because usually it is an assisstant of a friend that knew someone that went to school with the person you are posting to that ends up replying to you, you know what I mean? Basically thank you for maintaing your own site!
Wonderland completely grabbed my heart while I was watching it. All the actors did such a good job becoming their characters. I could see how John was weakend from the environment he was constantly subecting himself to. He seemed to have a kind heart and truly care for the ones he held dear to but his priorties were so out of order. It is such an unfortunate story that I wish someone could have changed the ending to. I remember at the end of the movie it said that you went to see John in the hospital before he died, I was wondering if you felt like you expressed everything you wanted to share with him at that time. How did you cope with his passing at such a young age? I ask those questions because when I was 18 my boyfriend of two and a half years and I were in a jet ski accident the day after his 24th birthday. He was airlifted to the nearest hospital but he could not survive his injuries as his spirit left us before he got there. I was so lost without him and I did not have anyone to confide in because I felt like they didn’t understand. I am 20 years old now and have taught myself to deal with experiences either good or bad as something to learn and grow stronger from. Your history gives girls like me inspiration to overcome our past and focus on a positive future. Thank you for being so open and honest to share your life with us.
November 4th, 2004 at 6:23 pm
hi dawn, i was just wondering i remember reading that you said that susan was still alive what about david lind? id either one of them ever try to get in connect with you?
November 5th, 2004 at 12:59 am
Hey Valerie,
Thank you and how cool is it that you can share on a web log some very personal pain as well. I am so sorry for your loss. To go through such trauma takes quite a bit of strength in itself and you should continue to give yourself credit for the progress you’ve made. I do understand about no one “understanding” how you feel, because the truth is that unless someone has experienced such loss themselves, they just can’t relate. I’m glad you are doing better…it does get better.
Yeah, I saw John before he died, Sharon did too. It was a bit different though. I had been out of the country for almost six years, only returning two weeks before his death. John did have a good heart at one time, before he was consumed by his physical senses and addictions, and I agree that Val Kilmer did a great job of portraying John as a man in deep emotional conflict between his heart and his need for drugs.
In the six years I was away from John, I struggled with my own emotions about what was real between us and what was ego/drug induced insanity. Confusion, self loathing, deep emotional and psychological pain were bitter shadows that haunted my every step. You see, I was fifteen when John “courted” me, he was thirty-two. John was my first love and those true feelings of love for me were in direct conflict with the insult of being a teenager/child who was “taken” by an adult who should have been someone watching out for me. So many underlying issues I had to walk through before I found any sense of self worth again, and everytime someone on this site shares a similar story, I acknowledge the courage and strength it has taken them to come this far.
Like I said, John’s death wasn’t sudden, so I really believe that with the time apart before he died and having that experience with him the day before he died, helped me to cope. That didn’t mean the sadness wasn’t there, it was. Not only sad, but tragic. To me, it meant there was no more hope for him to make peace here on earth…and he had caused so much damage.
But, I am like you. I’ve learned to accept the past and grow from the pain. I see the bright spots in life again and I am happy to share the dark parts only for the sake of finding the light.
Thanks.
Dawn
November 5th, 2004 at 1:07 am
Hi Serena,
No Susan has never contacted me, but I talk to people that know her.
Now for David Lind. He had never contacted me. For one, after the murders, there probably was no reason and two Mr. Lind passed away from a heroin overdose in 1995.
On a recent post I made called “All Souls”, I write about how I put his name on a prayer envelope for the dead. This is the reason why. I realize that unless you know every detail of this story, it is probably hard to understand why I write such things on this site. I hope it will all piece together for folks soon after the book comes out. I hope it does and if not, I am willing to respond to honest questions then as well.
Thanks,
Dawn
November 11th, 2004 at 4:29 pm
Hi Dawn,
I just saw the movie last night and all I can say is “WOW”. It was a very heavy movie. I had heard of Mr. Holmes, but knew nothing of the Wonderland murders.
After I saw the movie, I felt as if I had to learn more and searched the web and found your site.
I think you are an amazing woman. You had a rough start and have turned your life around. I feel as though you have truely lived the cliche’ “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
As a married woman myself, I know how marriage, children and the wonderful life we have now, can make it all worth while. Although no person should ever have to endure the type of abuse you suffered.
I can’t wait to read your book. Stay strong and hug your family a lot! I’m sure you do! Best to Sharon and I offer up my prayers for those who have been affected by this tragedy, especially for those who lost their lives.
Blessings to you and yours,
Anita
November 13th, 2004 at 7:27 pm
This movie opend me to a whole new outlook on somethings I think it was a great film and it help show how the real world is I think it is a must see film
November 14th, 2004 at 9:40 am
I would just like to say that the movie was very good, but for me, being in the profession I am in, am left with too many questions. I read that the time constraints effected the movies inturpritation of the actual events. I will be waiting patiently on your book. But, for know, do you have any knowledge or info on helping me locate any court video or audio tapes. Maybe even documents or anything else that can help me. I am a police officer in Texas, that is really interested in this paticular case. I am planning a trip in March to visit family in L.A. I am intending on going to the residence on Wonderland Ave. Do you know if they have renovated it structurally. Meaning I know it has been redesigned and all, but is the house still there and in the same deminsions as it was in 1981? Have you been back there since? 15 years old, all I can say is Wow. You are a very tough women. I have memories of very horrible things in my mind also, from events and aftermaths that I have been to. I know the feeling you have when you lie down and think about those things. I am so sorry any of this happened to you. You know that sinking feeling you get, the quesion marks of what could have been and what if, dont fight them, they are there for a reason. This didnt just happen to you, The road through Wonderland, is The road Through YOUR LIFE. Embrace it, God had and still has a purpose for you. Look at what you have done for your community. In the late 1970’s you probably never even knew where the community you live in know was. Well somehow you ended up there. Just a Coincedence? The answer is No. Good Luck to you and your family. Not to pry in your personal life, but does the book speak of any information about gettting together with you husband and having your daughter. I know its personal, but how interesting the begining of that relationship must have been. Info has it that you had a lot to do with the making of the film, and my hat is off to you, you did a fantastic job. You should be proud. Thanks for your time Kyle Nix
November 14th, 2004 at 12:37 pm
Dawn, there is something that I really do not understand. Some film critics panned the movie because they said that it “glorified” John Holmes and the drug subculture. They also said the movie was not good because none of the characters were “likeable”. I wonder what film those critics were watching, because it surely was not the one that you made. “Wonderland” showed a very depraved world and told a very scary tale of what can happen if you let drugs take over your life. And, of course, the movie was not a comedy… it was a murder story about most of the players who were treacherous (and in some cases, murderous) drug dealers or users who would double-cross their mother for another toke on a base pipe (ie, not very likeable people). When my kids are old enough that I have to worry about drugs, I’m gonna MAKE THEM WATCH this movie so they can see just what drugs can do. Dawn… what is your opinion of those critics who say the movie “glorifies drugs”?
MovieFan
November 14th, 2004 at 12:45 pm
Oh, one other thing.
Somebody in a post asked about the book “Four on the Floor”. Well, the book was never published. It seems that the authors (LAPD cops) got into some sort of a spat and so it never got published.
November 14th, 2004 at 5:33 pm
I saw the movie some time back and thought it was well done. I just stumbled on this site though. How long has it been up? I assume this site is on the up and up right. I mean the real Dawn Schiller?
November 14th, 2004 at 7:26 pm
Hi Anita and Andy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the heart, the people, in the story Wonderland. And your interest in my book is encouraging. The work on it seems to never end and I do have down moments when I question whether or not I am doing the right thing. But this is natural for anyone who has a challenge before them and I do believe I am called to tell my story for those who would stand in my shoes.
Mr. Nix,
First, I would like to say thanks to you as well for your kind insights. Terrible memories that follow someone after events like my time with John, can be debilitating, you are right. Everyone who experiences trauma in their life can understand the darkness that attacks and paralyzes sometimes without warning. It is my hope that those people can know that they are not alone and the darkness can be turned into light.
As for Court Transcripts, hummm, the only thing I can think of is perhaps surf the internet and/or go to Court TV’s website. They might have alot of the investigative material there.
On the Wonderland house. Yes, it is still there and I have been back. There were two teenage boys living there at the time of the filming of Wonderland, but I understand that they have since moved. The house has been fixed up and painted, but is still basically the same.
I do believe in the higher purpose of things that happen in life, as diffucult as they are to understand in tough times, and I do appreciate the opportunity I am given to give back to my community.
Good luck on your research. Be careful not to fall into the urban legends, (there are many), and keep me posted.
Blessings,
Dawn
November 15th, 2004 at 8:13 am
Montana Jack, yes, this is the real Dawn Schiller’s blog. I know her personally and encouraged her to have a blog, along with her close friends and family. Why would you question that? Who else would have the one and only picture of her at fifteen?
This blog has been live for about two months, even though it was, and still is, incomplete. It’s a work in progress. Soon there will be a page about Val Kilmer and Ali Alborzi’s art work used as the design element for this blog and the role Dawn played in it’s creation. Eventually there will be a page about the Wonderland premier.
I hope you and all of Dawn’s readers enjoy what is being offered here and appreciate the courage it has taken for Dawn to put herself in a position to be scrutinized by the public. Her desire to help those who are or have been victims to physical and sexual abuse drives her to tell her story, a story that she guarded for many years. There is hope for these people and Dawn’s courage can give them courage and a ray of light to hold onto.
Thanks for commenting, even if you weren’t sure you were commenting to the real Dawn.
November 15th, 2004 at 12:14 pm
Glo, I’m sorry, but I’m always a little skeptical of things I read and see on the internet. I’ve been the victim of internet scams/hoaxes before hence my skeptisism. I hope you, Dawn and others on here understand. I believe I can bring a lot to this blog as I have had a lot of experiance in the sex, drug and abuse world myself. A lot of which is very painfull to talk about so maybe this is the outlet I need. Thanks for your reply and may good fortune find you all.
November 15th, 2004 at 4:51 pm
I think that you are a brave woman. The movie actually intrigued me, but after watching Kate Bosworths portrayal of you, i felt i wanted to know more. I’m sure the movie only alloted so much time for you. Is the book you wrote available yet for purchase?
November 15th, 2004 at 11:59 pm
I just finished watching it and now I’m intrigued with the whole story. As a recovering addict, the movie did a great jod of conveying the confusion of the whole scene.
I truly hope you’re having a beautiful life now, you deserve it.
November 16th, 2004 at 2:38 am
I was just channel surfing and literally stumbled upon Wonderland. I was totally unaware of the Wonderland murders, then again I was only 11 years old at the time, so I had never even heard of John Holmes until much later in life. Now at age 35, even knowing of John and his death, I never knew of this story. I’m really glad that I was a bit restless and surfing for something to watch. I felt compelled to search the web for your book after watching the closing credits of the movie. What is the title of the book? My interest if peaked and would like to read more.
November 16th, 2004 at 5:40 am
I watched the movie in its entirety earlier this morning. I was intrigued from the very start, mainly because of the subject matter. After viewing this movie, I was interested enough to do some internet searching and that is how I came across your site. This is a great place and I have every intention of bookmarking it for further reading.
Val Kilmer did his usual great job of portraying his “character”! There really couldn’t have been anyone else suitable for John’s part and it’s wonderful that he was available for the film.
I really enjoyed watching the movie, but I have to honestly say that the freebasing scenes disturbed me. This is why: for the last six months I have been in recovery from active addiction. It’s really weird how one can go from not really thinking about picking up a pipe, stem, etc one minute and the next instant, in a scene from a movie where someone is smoking – BAM! Those thoughts of using come into play! That was really the only time during the course of the movie where I was uncomfortable in watching. The rest of the movie was interesting to watch.
On another note, not only have I been the victim of drug addiction, but domestic violence as well. So, the scene where Mr. Kilmer’s hand (in shadow, I believe) was coming down on your head was one I could really relate to. I truly feel that you are such a brave woman to have your experiences brought to life on the big screen. After watching “Wonderland” I can understand that every detail couldn’t have been portrayed due to time constraints so I really lookfoward to reading your book when it comes out.
Laura J.
November 16th, 2004 at 9:11 am
just saw the movie about a week or 2 ago. im only 17 and had never heard about the wonderland murders prior to this. thats not why i rented it either, it was unexpected. the movie was really entertaining. i didnt know it was based on a true story till the end. pretty insane shit.
November 16th, 2004 at 5:52 pm
I thought it was interesting and powerful film that discusses the horrors and powerful effects of drug abuse.
I think you have a lot of courage to come forward and help on a fil that caused you so much pain (both physical and mental).
God Bless,
S. Clark
November 18th, 2004 at 11:43 am
I loved the movie. I knew who John Holmes was but I had never heard of the Wonderland murders or had any idea of his involvment with it. It was so powerful and like many others on the board, I wanted to know more.
November 18th, 2004 at 11:53 am
I was at the airport once when I noticed John Holmes walk in and I talked to him and we spoke on the plane he seemed nice than I heard of the murders and did not follow the case. I did see the movie last night and it gave me a look into his life- his drug life and I felt so sad for you and Sharon. The love was there but the hurt also showed thur. I know about pain as I was in a abusive marriage for 12 years but we go on but I am sure the good thoughts of John are also there. I am looking forward to reading the book. Thank you for sharing your love and tough times with everyone.
November 18th, 2004 at 3:37 pm
Dawn,
I saw the movie, and appreciated that it didn’t depict the “glamor” (if that is the right word) of the world of drugs and sex, and movies and television often do. You are an inspirational woman, and should be so proud of yourelf for overcoming all of the obstacles that you did, and moving on to a healthy, happy lifestyle. I am in the educaiton field, and am wondering if you have ever been a motivational speaker before. If you haven’t, would you ever consider it? Not only for drug prevention and awareness, but also for abusive realtionships. I think you have an incredible story to tell, and can’t wait to buy your book. Best wishes,
Heidi
November 19th, 2004 at 1:28 am
Hello,
Wow, alot of great comments suddenly and I really appreciate them. It seems everyone can relate in one way or another…the truth is we all have a story to tell. I know that although Wonderland did it’s best with the time alotted to show the important parts of Sharon and my story, it also was impossible to tell it all….and as far as those who can relate to the love and abuse are concerned, it is obvious that there is much more to our story than meets the eye here.
The working title of the book is “The Road Through Wonderland” and it is, as I have mentioned, in the editing process.
As for the critics who thought it glamorized drugs, well I have to say the exact opposite. The reviews were very cold, and hurtful…like robotic technical writings with little respect for the survivors of the ordeal. But well, apparently the movie wasn’t meant for them. I do agree that it is a cautionary tale. I’m lucky…I’m damn lucky… I almost didn’t make it, many times. To come to this point where I can actually talk about the events, advocate counseling and encourage recovery, took a long time. But today I am well and willing to share my story to offer hope. A motivational speaker? Interesting. Someone else just mentioned this to me. I suppose if I am called on to do something like that and it seemed the right thing to do, than I would stand up to the plate. But I am not a guru of any kind, only someone who found her voice and am so very grateful that I did.
I have learned to carry these words near to my heart:
You can’t give it away unless you got it; and
you can’t keep it unless you give it away!
Blessings,
Dawn
November 19th, 2004 at 1:55 pm
Dawn,
The reviews that were written obviously, like you said, the movie wasn’t for them. However, in addition to it not being meant to them, those who wrote, have very clearly have not been there and done that like we survivors have.
Your story offered tremendous hope for me and again, thanks for sharing!
With much respect,
Laura J
November 20th, 2004 at 7:39 pm
i taped the movie so i could watch it in greater detail, and yes i noticed the black eyes too. you’re very lucky in many ways. of getting away from john and actually for not having a child with him. it would have been just more way for him to control you. i can’t say i’ve even comprehend what you went through, but if i didn’t cut the ties to old “friends” i would have been in alot of trouble myself. i have a question though, did the police try to get you to testify against john, or try to get you for withholding information involving the murders? i have been in the wrong place and the wrong time and was pulled into court, with everyone thinking i was going to be their scape goat. all i can say is that sharing your experience maybe a way to save someone from drugs or themselves. thanks for opening up, God bless and take care of yourself and your family.
November 21st, 2004 at 11:23 am
Hi,
Yes, I am lucky. Lucky that I am alive. The thought about children was never a threat. John was sterile…much to the dismay of his admirers. He found out during an “ahem” private hospital stay in 1979 (I won’t say why) and Sharon, as his wife at the time, still has the paperwork.
The police, in my case, were extremely kind to me. I have to say, they saw how ravaged I was when they arrested John and myself after the murders. They were always respectful and kind to Sharon and me apart from John. The police play a key role in my story and my book will hopefully help put a human face on those who work to protect. Nothing is perfect, I know, but in this case there has been too much harsh judgement from people who just don’t know what really happened. Again, I hope my book can put the reader in touch with the people behind the scenes.
Thanks also for your kind words.
Dawn
November 22nd, 2004 at 12:50 pm
Hey Dawn, great website. What did you think of the Crime scene footage in the DVD. I watched about 5 minutes of it and have been freaked out by it ever since. Just wondering, have you seen it? How do you feel about it being included in the DVD?
November 23rd, 2004 at 3:33 am
That movie is too good, but yet too Crazy to be true. I can’t believe he got away with everything,and I’m really proud of you for getting away when you did. and now having a better life.
November 23rd, 2004 at 10:36 am
Wow did this movie take me back. I’m not the most media concious person and I admit I had no idea this movie was being made & caught it completely by accident on cable. I lived in LA in those years & played in a band. We played both the Starwood quite a few times and the roller rink disco thing Nash had nearby. I went to 2 parties at Nash’s house. Although at the time it seemed like the ultra cool thing to do, in retrospect he seems a rather distateful person. Without being prejudiced, he seemed to have a distinct Middle Eastern attitude towards women as I recall, there are some stories I could relate but won’t here, I’m quite sure you have your own. I followed the actual case quite closely as it was covered in the media.
I never met John, but we had many mutual friends in those years as it seemed in those days rock ‘n roll & porno were very closely aligned. Now that I think about it, they really still are I guess.
Yours is a true litany of survival & an amazing tale of what was happening in so many ways at that time in the LA “scene”. I was delighted to find this site & your honesty is truly wonderful. There are many who I think can learn from what we all went thru in those days & indeed in many ways I’m surpised I made it. Best of luck.
November 23rd, 2004 at 3:37 pm
Hi Dawn, I really loved Wonderland, although it brought back disturbing memories from my own sordid past. I remember when the Wonderland murders happened. I was only 15, but my boyfriend was 25 and I lived on the road with him…la vida loca. Drugs, sex, general depravity. I lived with an empty feeling that life was cruel and meaningless. I, too, got away and am so glad. Now my life is blissfully boring, and I like it that way. I’m a school teacher (if you can believe that!) and a mother. I never even thought I’d get my high school diploma! I still can’t believe I’m alive. It’s wonderful that you found your way! Best of luck to you!
Kindest Regards,
Katie
P.S. I bought the soundtrack…Love it! Nostalgia, in a sick warped way.
November 24th, 2004 at 10:31 am
I loved the movie “wonderland”. I thought Val was great.. Did you like the way Kaye Bosworht portrayed you?
November 24th, 2004 at 10:43 pm
I drove 2 hours to see the movie in theatre when it came out. I didn’t show in alot of theatres. I remember when the murders happened. I was 18 & really strung out on coke too. I loved the movie!! Very distrubing, yet done very well. I understand that the director filmed the movie in a very short period (27 days?) & it made the actors feel rushed which created that “drug-nervous” atmosphere. Can’t wiat for yoyr book. Glad I found your web site!! I’ve been clean & sober 17 years. Thank you Dawn for sharing part of your story. -John
November 25th, 2004 at 11:41 pm
Awesome movie!!! lt’s one of about a dozen or so movies l can watch over and over again and not get sick of. Hey Dawn, since you were there, how much of that movie was Wonderland, and how much was Hollywood? Can’t wait for the book.
November 27th, 2004 at 7:00 pm
Hi Dawn I too have just watched the great adaptation of the Wonderland murders, unbeknown to me. I only associated John Holmes with the porn industry and the usual downfall of its celebritys.
I would just like to say I am waiting for the book with great anticipation. And also I find some of the questions a little morbid as if some people actually get enjoyment from such events,it seems as if the darker side of life has a strange pulling affect on some weak souls.I was one of these types in the early 1980’s that made alot of money from the relatively new phenomenon of cocain. I can tell you there is nothing brave or noble about this whole scene people get killed, you get blood on your shoes and in your finger nails. You are constantly looking over your shoulder, add that with the fact you are consuming your own product as well (many times purer than your sold merchandise) and you have a dangerous cocktail of paranoia. You can only imagine the effect this paranoia has on the normal people in your life-it is devastating as you Know Dawn, and it doesn’t stop there years afterwards when you think you’ve cleaned -up your act there are still things that creep back into your life like nightmares for example. Let this and stories like it be a lesson and don’t find a fascination in tales of nights filled with violence and smelling of real danger
November 30th, 2004 at 10:58 am
Did Kate Bosworth portray you accuratly in “Wonderland”?
November 30th, 2004 at 8:52 pm
I really enjoyed the movie, and I believe it could be used as a positive way as showing how drugs can ruin lives. I have seen the “E True Hollywood Story” and I could not believe how much John changed from the time he married Sharon til he died. I am so glad that you got away from him and that you are a happy wife and mother. I believe you are a great inspiration, and I know that you will reach those who are in trouble or in bad situations just by your book and website. I am a middle school teacher, and I would love for someone like you to talk to students because they have so many influences in their lives today such as drugs and also hanging out with the wrong people.
Thanks for sharing your story!!!
Angie
November 30th, 2004 at 11:10 pm
Wow,
Congratulations to everyone above for sharing their own stories — especially the hope. It is absolutely amazing to hear of your years of sobriety and your new lives with families — some as teachers no less! I absolutely love to talk about the survival and the lessons learned. I agree with Stephan above, that sadly, the negative aspects of the film Wonderland might be tempting in a sick way. But unfortunately, the horror of the events are the truth and I would hope that this raw reality would be a real warning for people of the irreversable results of a drugged-out lifestyle.
And as for the question above about how I felt with crime scene footage on the DVD tape, well I couldn’t watch it. It was too harsh to see again on film. I already lived through the real events — I didn’t need to see more. It was all so horribly sad.
Now for the questions regarding Kate Bosworth. She was wonderful! I do really think she captured what I was feeling at the time of the events, even if they were shown out of sequence. At the beginning of every scene we sat together and she asked me as sweetly as she could, how I felt and what I was thinking when I was living through those times with John. And during every break and after every shout of “cut” from the director, we talked about the accuracy of her performance. She was true to my life and my feelings and I commend her for her courage to step into what were some very uncomfortable shoes for those 28 days of filming. I will always thank her for her sensitivity and respect.
Thanks,
Dawn
December 1st, 2004 at 8:06 am
Hello Dawn! I’m italian, so I hope you can understand my english. I saw the movie “Wonderland” and I really appreciated it, it’s a good and interesting job. I’ve some questions to ask you. I’ve read that you came back in L.A. two weeks before John death. Did you meet or visit her and if so how it was? Have you ever been in the Wonderland house? Did you know the members of that gang? I’ve read that they was really evil people. When is your book coming out? I’m waiting patiently and I hope it will translated and sold also in Italy. Sorry again for my bad english.
December 1st, 2004 at 11:53 pm
Dawn,
I really liked the movie. I found this site looking for your book. I also never found the book; “Four on The Floor”. True crime books to me are always better than movies so I really want to read your account of what “really” happened.
One question: Wonderland Ave is close to Laural Canyon. Where did Nash live back then? The movie makes it look like it was right down the road?
Glad to know you have a good life going for you these days,
J.B. in L.A.
December 3rd, 2004 at 4:13 am
Hey Dawn,
I love Wonderland!!!! Heres the deal, I have been watching the film since it came out, and find myself more and more attracted every time.. I have always been interested in true crime, and this film blew me away!!! I sorta remember this happening but the movie made it so vivid and fresh, I feel for you and your ordeal, and am happy to know you are doing well. In the film I could not help but feel sorry for John, was he really used as a Novelty? so to speak???? To me he sounds like a nice guy with talent, that was introduced into the darkside and couldn’t turn back???
December 3rd, 2004 at 6:18 pm
Dawn,
Hello again, and like I said before, I really enjoyed the movie, and I even purchased it recently. I have a question to ask you about the movie which has been on my mind since I first saw the movie. I was wondering if any scenes of the “Wonderland” movie was made at the Wonderland Ave. house?
Thanks so much,
Angie
December 5th, 2004 at 1:11 am
Hi Dawn,
The first time I saw “Wonderland”, I had no idea what it was going to be about but was very drawn in by the acting and the way the story was told.
I was a young mother in Phoenix, in those years, and remember what a shock the whole Disco scene was to us hippies back then. It was so bizarre and plastic, and the escalating drug culture was very frightening. We hippies basically doted on pot and LSD. The free-basing thing was a whole new deal.
Anyway, the film was haunting and made me very curious about the real people that went through the experience. (Plus, I gain more and more respect for Val Kilmer with every film–what an amazing actor!)
Coming upon your site, it’s good to see how you’ve progressed and recovered from those events enough to help other people with their own horror stories. God bless you, girl!! And God bless the other souls impacted by these events. Undoubtedly, wherever they are, they’ve also progressed far beyond their Wonderland days.
Take care and keep up the good work!
Robin
December 5th, 2004 at 7:12 pm
I was definately upset with myself for proudly displaying Mr. Holmes’ obit on my school locker my senior year. Anyway, I thought Wonderland was good although I believe the story behind the movie is still much more interesting but i’m sure cramming all that information into less than a 2 hr. movie is quite a task. I am glad to hear you are doing well after such a traumatic adolescence.
*****Question: Did you ever meet any of Johns’ fellow actors or actresses?
*****Question: Did he love sex like some porn actors say thats why they themselves started in the biz or did John just come to the realization that “hey I have a big big gift and its easy money.
Thanks
December 5th, 2004 at 7:50 pm
just wanted to drop a line and say i just watched wonderland last nite and what a fucked up thing you had to go through. glad u r ok now though. but heres this. maybe u can answer for me, what happened to john holmes before he died and after the murders? just being nosey.
December 5th, 2004 at 7:55 pm
just wanted to say i loved the movie, even though that its morbid 4 me to love it, just wasnted to know what happened to john before his death and after the murders? did he go into hiding?>
December 6th, 2004 at 12:15 am
Hello,
Let’s see, wow, there are quite a few questions here and I will do my best to respond.
Yes, I did see John before he died as well as know the people from Wonderland. The specifics, I’m afraid, are key elements written about in my book and my agent has asked me not to discuss them. I can say the experience of seeing John was a huge turning point in my life.
As for Mr. Nash…I’m pretty sure it is public record that he lived off of a cul-de-sac called Dona Lola Place near Laurel Canyon.
Was John a novelty? From the time I met him in 1976, five and a half years before the murders, he felt as if he were being used…I guess you could say like a novelty. I didn’t realize he was at the height of his “career” at the time, probably because he kept me away from the business, but he was constantly disgusted with the industry when he did speak of it and often spat contempt for them. I think that later, when he was at the bottom of his “career” and at the height of his drug-addiction, he was a perfect target to be a “novelty” by other’s who were as insane with drugs. He put himself out there too, against any shred of self-respect he had left, just to score the dope. In my opinion, it was long before the Wonderland murders that John was introduced to the darkside.
The movie Wonderland was not filmed at the original house. Some still shots with Val sitting out front were the only real address shots taken for the film. The inside of the house was masterfully re-created by the set designers. Details like the view from a certain window, stucco on the walls, color of flormica in the kitchen, were identically duplicated inside a studio. Amazing job!
Thanks to Robin from Phoenix and everyone for all the kudos and yes, Val Kilmer is certainly an actor to watch! His re-creation of John was hair raising! And that comes from both Sharon and I who knew John well.
Thanks again for logging on. All I really ask is that if you find anything healing or helpful on this site, pass it along.
Blessings,
Dawn
December 6th, 2004 at 12:49 am
I love the movie! I enjoy the music, cars, and styles. Its been playing on HBO and Showtime and when its on I will usually swith over to it.
I live in the San Fernando Valley and after seeing the movie for the first time I drove over to wonderland avenue and snapped some pictures. Kinda cool to see where the murders actually ocurred. I parked right near the spot where your character and Val Kilmer parked when he ran inside to collect money. Isnt it great living in Los Angeles…
December 6th, 2004 at 1:24 am
PS.
Dawn, I saw some comments about the abuse you’d suffered somewhere on this site but can’t find them now. Just wanted to respond to the thing you said about the director thinking that the public couldn’t bear to see you hurt.
I think they should’ve been just a tad more clear about the abuse that was going on. The whole shadow and bath scene, to me, was just confusing. I didn’t know who’d hit you–Nash or Holmes.
It would’ve shown the dynamic of the relationship in a clearer way and indicated just how divided and self-loathing this man was—to allow himself to harm the one person he loved. And also how trapped you were in your youth and drug-confusion.
Love your comments, BTW…
My two cents,
Robin
December 6th, 2004 at 8:42 pm
Hi Dawn,
I can hardly believe what you have been through. I read about the Wonderland Murders many years ago in Rolling Stone magazine. I wondered what had become of you, and hoped you made it through. From the looks of things, you have.
I saw the movie for the first time last week. I don’t know if I liked it, but it did keep my interest. I just feel so badly for those who were killed, and for you who went through so much because of your feelings for this misguided man.
I thought I’d do a “google” on your name, and ta-dah! You have a blog site. Glad to have found it, and I look forward to reading your book. I’m sure you’ll let us know when it becomes available.
Be well and bless you.
Jen.
December 8th, 2004 at 4:39 pm
hi all !!! I’m from Moscow and I have very bad English =))
But i must to say , movie very like me! and i want to read your book Dawn!!!!!!!!!! and once again sorry for my bad English plz ))))))
P.s. Salton sea is good movie to!
December 13th, 2004 at 10:24 am
Hello Dawn. I had never heard of John Holmes nor Wonderland until I recently rented this movie. To actually have lived through that shows that you are a very strong willed person and I admire you for that. I became very interested in the story and found this site.
However, I also have found a different site telling a different story. At least when it comes to you. I found a site where John’s second wife, I believe her name is Laurie writes that this movie is very untrue. I do not believe her, just the way she talks makes her seem greedy and she feels that being his wife she is entitled to something. I’m not sure if you can comment about this but she states that everything in the Wonderland movie is portrayed to make John look guilty and you and Sharon plotted it that way because he hated both of you. I obviously don’t know any of you but it seems to me that John at one time did have a lot of love for both you and Sharon. I was just curious as to if anything she says is true or if she’s just jealous.
I am looking forward to your response and reading your book when it comes out.
God Bless!
December 16th, 2004 at 6:37 pm
Incredible movie. Absolutely incredible. I’ve watched the movie at least twenty times. I’m completely enthralled by it. After watching it the last time, about ten minutes ago, I saw that you had recently finished a book on the subject. Not knowing that you were so involved in the movie, I decided to go online and search for the title of the book and stumbled across your site. I am amazed that the movie is so much more accurate than I had originally thought. Kudos to you for the courage to relive such a horrific time in your life. I might be wrong in saying this, but for such a grievous story, it sure made the late 70s and early 80s look like a fun time to live in L.A. I think that the entire emotional spectrum that you were trying to convey definitely penetrated the viewers. I just wanted to let you know that everyone associated with the film did a wonderful job. I can’t wait for the book to be released, and you can count me in as a sure customer. I wish you the best and hope your success continues. You deserve it.
December 16th, 2004 at 9:57 pm
I just finished watching the movie for like the 5th time .The movie was amazing I have seen it many times and can relate to love shared between dawn and john..
In the book will there be any photos of you and john together ? and will the book be about he whole time you were together or will it be based on the murders?
December 17th, 2004 at 11:46 am
Dawn:
Wow. I just saw the movie for the first time the other night, and since it’s been on since, I watched it 2 more times. I was extremely mesmorized. I remember when it happened, but I didn’t know the details. I give you alot of credit. You pulled yourself out of a life that was going nowhere, and here you are living a normal, happy life with a wonderful family. I cannot wait fo your book! I love to read, especially true stories.
Well, take care, and good luck!!
December 22nd, 2004 at 7:29 am
Dawn, I loved the movie. I loved your character. I knew of John Holmes but like a lot of fans posted, never heard of Wonderland. The movie really got into my head and to date I have watched it 8 times trying to understand. Every time I watch it, I learn or see something new. I have a some questions that I hope are not redundant from other postings here. (1) When you first became intimate with John, was Sharon aware? (2) Was she always so motherly to you, even though you were intimate with her husband? (3) When you saw John before he died, was it horribly painful to you even though it had been many years? (4) It seemed from the movie that John was deeply in love with you and still Sharon, is that accurate? (5) After you escaped from John, did you ever want to return to him? AND (6) Even though he was violent, were there times that he was a loving, caring man? Do you believe that the violence was directly related to the drugs? I hope to hear from you. Happy Holiday, Christine
January 9th, 2005 at 10:01 pm
Dawn, I just saw the movie tonight and thought it was amazing. I loved all the actors in it and thought they did an amazing job. Congratulations! I also had a question about the movie: After Kate Bosworth has to pretend that she’s some girl named Gabrielle, she is in a bathtub with black eyes. When she left the house and came into the car, she was fine looking but crying out of shame obviously. Then Val Kilmer is washing her and says something about how he’s going to wash it all off? What is he talking about and what happened to make her eyes black? Also, I would also like to know if you and Sharon were always close. Once again, I commend your bravery and I congratulate you, it was an amazing film.
January 11th, 2005 at 9:51 am
Hi Shanna,
What happened was that John hit me. If you watch closely after Val and Kate walk into the motel, the sillouhette of John’s fist can kind of be seen coming down on me. This actually got dimmed out from it’s original version because the director said it would be too hard for people to take and they needed John to appear more sympathetic. I could understand that.
Thanks,
Dawn
January 14th, 2005 at 10:43 pm
I found this website around mid December and love it!!!! I check it on a daily basis for new post and comments. I was familiar with the Wonderland murders and John’s involvement and knew briefly of his relationship with Dawn although I had the impression that she was Sharon’s niece. I first posted on Dec. 23rd under Violence: A Great Speech. I closely relate to Dawns story of abuse and drugs I feel as if I know her. I am sure others share these same feelings with me. I would like to share how I feel about Wonderland the movie.
I love it and think it was well put together and told the story (of the murder events) wonderfully in the time frame of the movie. It has a great soundtrack that I feel fits and helps tell the story. I like the back and forth, the two different stories told by David and John the different scenarios of what could have happened. There are several little things that in my opinion help the movie along. When Dawn is lying on the bed asking John not to go there is a quick flash of he Wonderland house (it is of the wall with blood and flesh falling). The scene where Ron throws the VCR (I am assuming that’s what it is) it is shown twice first in the beginning after he picks up Dawn from Sally then later they show him using the phone then he returns argues with Ron and there it goes out the window. He had called and got his messages went and picked up Dawn then came back for his cut. I did not notice this one at first I think that is why it stands out to me. The bathtub scene is another I liked it showed the abuse but not in a manner that would take away from the Wonderland Murders since that is what the movie is about (even though personally I would have liked more of Dawns life with John I can’t wait for the book). I like the way they did not focus on the abuse toward Dawn and showed a side of John that she knew and fell in love with like the playing in the car him saying I think we should be just friends and him crying while she is in the house with Nash even if it was ruthless what he forced her to do. I am not up holding his actions in anyway but to me it showed a side of him that very few knew. I could go on and on. It is a great movie in my opinion and look forward to Dawn’s book. I know in my heart how hard it must have been to relive and put into words some of the awful things that happened in her life with John. I am proud of you Dawn Schiller for standing up and using something that was so bad in your life to help and do good for others you have made me think and appreciate my life even more.
Marie Treino
January 20th, 2005 at 1:45 pm
Thank you Marie. Your comments about the movie are very astute and you have expressed a connection with alot of the film makers vision of what Wonderland was supposed to be.
Thank you also for your appreciation of me. I really am humbled. Like I’ve said before, it is for those of us who understand the conflict, the heartache of loving someone who ends up hurting you. If I can offer any solace or hope to even one person, then my sharing is worth it. In truth, we all have this to give. A lesson, some hard earned wisdom to pass on. If we are courageous and willing we can all do something.
Blessings,
Dawn
January 27th, 2005 at 10:21 am
Hi Dawn — “Wonderland” is an intense movie. I loved it. Your own story is incredible. Two questions for you:
i) My favorite character in the movie hands-down is Ron Lanius. Is Josh Lucas’ portrayal of him accurate?
ii) It appears that the film was not a commercial success. I am trying to figure out why. I’ve heard that the film was pulled from theaters early for legal reasons. Is that true?
Thanks. Hope you are well.
January 27th, 2005 at 1:57 pm
Dawn,
The movie was dark,intriging, and the acting was extraordinary…..I find it so interestinig that Sharon and yourself have remained close…..Her concern for you and John was clearly apparent….I’m glad you pulled your life together….It is also apparent that John had so much potential….how sad for all of the victims….please excuse this question..but….was John a good lover???
January 27th, 2005 at 6:10 pm
I loved wonderland I had a hard time tracking it down to purchase it, but it was totally worth it. The story was tragic, but the movie was done excellent and very sensitive to the events. Wonderland is now one of my favorite movies. I now own the soundtrack and a couple of t-shirts. I would love it if you (Dawn could drop me couple of lines via Email) as I think you’re a great inspiration and I am a big fan of Johns.
February 5th, 2005 at 11:37 am
Wonderland was a good film, but I’m always interested to know what Dawn thinks.
February 7th, 2005 at 8:04 am
Phillip,
The movie wasn’t pulled from theatres early it just didn’t make it to very many of them was the case.
I had to drive about 50 miles to a larger town to see it. I don’t know why this was as it was a good movie. Maybe it was a little too controversial for small town America.
One good thing about it, it does seem to have a better DVD release and has also recently been on Cinemax
February 9th, 2005 at 1:52 am
Dawn,
I’m not sure if you might be getting sick of hearing how great all of us out here think you did with the experiences handed to you ……. but here we go again ! Great movie, all that is missing is MORE! It leaves the viewer with just totally wanting to know your every thought and wanting to know what made John tick you know how did it come to this… the drugs are a given factor in his tragic life but did he ever express a wish to get clean? I know firsthand how drugs can influence you to do some really degrading things and I can only hope that he was able to hang onto the dream that maybe he could turn it all around tomorrow, sometimes that dream is all a person has left to hold. Again I’m glad you are able to live a happy life and so sad that John has lost his.
Keep the Faith, Kimberly
February 16th, 2005 at 2:25 pm
Hello Dawn,
I saw the movie last week, and liked the movie – even though it was extremely hard to watch at times. I’ve known some people in a deep drug (cocaine) addiction, and they could really get SCARY. It always started as a cool thing – you feel like you are totally in control. Then it takes control of you. You said it was hard to get out of that life and I definitely agree with you. The guy I was with seemed so powerful to me and I wanted so badly to make him happy. He was very manipulative. He knew how to make me feel like the most important person in the world, but also the lowest. The good times were so high, and the bad times were so low. The whole life was so surreal – it seemed almost glamorous at times to me – all the drugs and the crowd that came with them. I had to leave town and completely start over. My situation was not at the level yours was, and I can’t imagine exactly how hard it was for you to move on. I really commend you on that! I can just say that there were so many parts of the movie that I identified with, and I’m glad you had the strength to share your story.
Peace,
Erin
February 18th, 2005 at 2:05 am
Dawn:
Let me first say that I truely admire you for the way interact and respond to the visitors of your website. Secondly, I am equally plesently surprised to see that the real Dawn Schiller has a website and keeps herself somewhat in the public eye (I will explain this staement better later).
That said, I have seen “Wonderland” from start to finish about 4-5 times, and I have seen parts of it lately, it is currently frequently on cable, about 10-12 times. I am a movie buff, and I love films that based on a true story and actully try to protray the individuals involved.
After watching “Wonderland” thr first time, and then every time after, I have to say that the John Holmes character, played by Val Kilmer, does not come off as the abusive person you describe on your website. I am NOT calling you a lier, I take your accounts of John as the truth; however, in the film, I found myself liking the guy, feeling sorry for the guy, and then routing for the guy to straighten himself out and make things right with Sharon. It took me a few viewings of the film to really figure your character out, and even now, after the way it ended (before the epiloges), it seemed you two were going to make it……..(then it says you left him 6 months later, which, from the way you were protrayed, makes no sense…the Dawn in “Wonderland” would not have left John). Again, this is my reaction to the film, not any critcism of you.
Anyway, I just finished watching “Wonderland” again and I had the urge to GOOGLE your name….which is how I got here. Again, I have to say how happy I am you are doing well and have the interest and the courage to keep yourself out in the public eye (I did the same thing after watching “Blow” to see if Kristing Jung had a website…Nope).
Lastly, I have one statement, and one questions….my question first – in a hypothetical universe, you were able to see John one more time on this earth, what would you say to him? Now for the comment – I wish you and your family and loved one health, happiness and peace…may God be with you.
Chris
February 19th, 2005 at 2:34 pm
Hi,
I’m not surprised that you saw a John in the movie you liked. John was at the time of the murders trying his best to be endearing again towards me. The abuse I mention on this site is abuse of the years before the Wonderland murders. In the movie there is only one reference to his violent side when he picks me up after Eddie Nash’s house. This is a flashback from six months before the murders and it implies that he hit me in the motel and then we see him scrubbing me in the bathtub afterwards. Here the director faded out the hitting scene because his intent was to have the audience like him and be sympathetic.
Anyway, I hope this explains things a bit better for you. It is a complicated story to understand with regard to John, Sharon and myself. Therefore my book.
Thanks again,
Blessings.
Dawn
February 20th, 2005 at 2:32 am
Dawn:
Thank you for you reply! Your comments do explain things somewhat better, but I think I failed to make my overall point about “Wonderland.” What I meant was I feel that Val Kilmer’s portral of John was somewhat glamorizing, somewhat like Johnny Depp in “Blow playing George Jung, although that is apples and oranges. I just feel they should have made John more as you describe him and less then a chacter from “Dazed and Confused.”
Anyway, Thank you again for you reply! When will your book be out, and will you be doing signings anywhere?
Chris
PS. Did you forget about my 1 question, or did you feel that you did not want to share that information? “Lastly, I have one statement, and one questions….my question first – in a hypothetical universe, you were able to see John one more time on this earth, what would you say to him?” Just asking.
February 20th, 2005 at 12:16 pm
Hello again,
Well, Christopher, I’m glad I was able to clear up some things for you and no I didn’t forget your second question. Just overlooked it. I see that I have overlooked a few other questions above. Some of them are already answered in other parts of this blog and I am limited with my time and some of them, well, there are no simple answers.
As for your second question. I did an interview about a year and a half ago with the New York Times who asks the same question. There I answered: “You could have been big”, as the one last thing I would say to John, but right now when I think about it, all that comes to me if I stood with him face to face is, “Peace”. Nothing more.
Today is definitely a good day.
Blessings,
Dawn
Oh, and thank you to everyone that I wasn’t able to comment on above personally. I sincerely love the sharing of similar stories and to hear of your triumphs as well. Keep the faith.
March 3rd, 2005 at 10:50 am
Dawn,
I first seen wonderland shortly after it was released and I have seen it a few times since then. After viewing it for the first time it made me think a lot. I am really into true story films and this one really caught my interest. I wanted to know what happened to the survivor, what happened to you, John Sharon etc. So I began looking online and I came acroos this page a while ago but have not really had the chance to comment until now.
First of all, I know you have probably been asked this quite a few times but I really was curious if you don’t mind me asking, what od you think really happened to casue the wonderland murders? And how invoved do you think or know John Holmes was? In the movie they show two sides of what happened and I can’t really figure out which was the truth. Did John rat them out on his own or was he really forced to? If you can’t answer theses questions I understand.
Then I wanted to know where you were during the murders and the robbery. And when John returned to where you were did you have any idea this stuff was going on? The movie didn’t really go into too much depth about all that. I cannot believe that anyone would have to go through what you had to.
It truly is an amazing story and I am grateful that you have this site to answer questions. The movie made me really want more. And since then I have seen a few movies that reference to Eddie Nash and it makes me think over and over again about the movie. Although the movie was in many wasys disturbing, I cannot help but wnat to know more and more. It really makes one think.
If you can I would like to know any details that may help complete the story. I was also curious about the survior, and if you have had any contact with her since the murders? and if she was left with any life changing injuries form this horrible attack? Thank you so much for this site. I can not express how great I think it is for you to do this. I hope all is well and god bless.
Mandy
March 6th, 2005 at 1:52 am
Hi Again:
It is 3:45am and Wonderland just came on cable, so I thought I would check out your blog again. Thank you for takingthe time to answer my questions….most people, famous or not, would not do so with the frequency you do. I find your life so interesting I could pick your brain forever…but I will limit myself to 2 questions (If these are answered in other sections…please let me know).
1) During your relationship with John, did you every meet and/or hang out with the like of a younger Ron Jeremy or other adult stars that are still around today? If so, did any of them try to contact after WOnderland came out?
2) Will you be doing book signings in Florida?
Chris
March 6th, 2005 at 4:28 am
Thank you so much for sharing your stories.
I just saw Wonderland tonight for the first time with my husband. Growing up in the Valley, anything kind of porn-related during the 70’s and 80’s reminds us of our youth. It was just all around us growing up. It wasn’t uncommon for a shoot to be at the house next door or to actually run into a porn star.
I met John when I was very young, probably around 6 years old (I am 31 now). My family and I used to hang out at the Westwood Marquis hotel every weekend, and I’d see John there. Of course, I had no idea who he was! But I remember him being very charming. He was sweet to me and even asked me to dance with him. He went out of his way to make me feel special.
A lot of celebs would hang out there, but I remember him getting a lot of attention when he showed up.
Years later when I was old enough to know who he was, I couldn’t believe my mom let me hang out with him! – not so much because of the porn, but everything else. My father was a heavy drug user and he and his musician/celeb friends were very heavy into the scene – my mom was super squeaky clean and by the time I was six she distanced herself from all that. She tried to protect me from all of that.
I was obviously very young and have faded memories, but I mostly just remember how good he made me feel. As a survivor of abuse at an even younger age, anyone who paid me attention when I was small was such a big deal. I had only seen him a few times but I was smitten (as only a 6 year old can) and grateful for any attention. With all that must have been going on in his life then, I guess it is good to know that somewhere inside he had the ability to touch someone in a positive way?
Anyway, I can easily see how you started a relationship with him, and at 15. My whole family found him charming and that’s not easy for them to do!
I am just so glad that you are surviving and can remember the good times and also turn the extremely negative memories into something positive. You have been through so much and it looks like you have made your life, instead of letting a period when you were vunerable get you.
March 8th, 2005 at 9:44 pm
Hello Dawn,
A very good friend of mine has the movie and she let me watch it and I loved it. I am still trying to find a copy of my own, maybe one of these days I will luck out. I am so glad you are doing so well today. I have seen a couple of girls where I am from getting beaten up by their boyfriends and husbands and they wouldn’t leave them because of drugs. They were afraid if they left them they would not be able to afford their habits, at least that is why I think they stayed. Did you ever have to be put in the hospital or suffer any bone fractures from John Holmes?
March 16th, 2005 at 1:20 am
Dawn
I thought the movie was very interesting but it only got 3 out of 5 stars in most reviews down here (Australia that is). I knew the story already and was looking forward to seeing what happened. I thought John was thoroughly unlikeable. My response to him and his constantly lying and posing would have been a lot more like Sharon’s. Why did you like him and why did you stay with him? What did your parents think of the relationship?
I still can’t believe that you came out of that time so well.
March 22nd, 2005 at 7:55 am
I thought the movie was well done.The acting was excellent. I don’t understand how someone can say that it “glamorizes” drug use. There was nothing appealing about hanging out at the Wonderland Apt. I thought it was an accurate portrayal of how bad drug addiction can be, and the type of people you’re willing to hangout with when your desperate for drugs. It’s possible that the critics or whoever it is that feels the movie glamorized drug use may not have understood just how much drug use there was.(takes one to know one…just a thought)
I also understand how you stayed with John. The thought process of a young teenager doesn’t consider things like leaving ,seeking help or knowing that there is more to life than that particular relationship. I’m glad you moved on. Bless you and your family.
I do have a question. Did John ever try to quit using and if so how long did he stay clean for.
March 24th, 2005 at 11:10 am
Hello,
Great comments here. People on the outside looking in find it very difficult to understand abuse. Drugs are often involved and used as a means to control the person. With their strong addictive properties, drugs leave the person dealing with a powerful destructive habit as well as the complexities of fear of abuse.
You know, John was charming, but when we first met, I didn’t like him at all. I thought he was a geek…an old geek. He worked on a relationship with me, befriending my family first. That gave him the kind of clout he needed to get my attention. I had no clue about his profession, so didn’t have any preconceived admiration for him. He was just a guy to me. A guy who worked his way into my life. When he finally got my fifteen year old eyes to look at him, he was extraordinarily kind, gentle and protective of me. He charmed me and had me as his OWN for years before drugs came into the picture and before the Wonderland murders. He had more control over me than the movie depicts.
Yes, to the question of broken bones. And no, John wouldn’t let me go to the hospital.
To Jen,
When coke first came into our lives, John tried to quit all the time. At first he was able to stay clean for about a month…then he slipped. After that the time got shorter and shorter, until he was only clean when he slept…if that.
Hope this sheds some light.
Blessings,
Dawn
April 1st, 2005 at 4:23 pm
I posted this on a Val forum…it is a terriffic…true to life…frightening…thought provoking…pull your heart strings…make you sick to your stomach…unforgettable movie.
I knew people like that…I loved a guy named John who was a lot like JH…even called himself Johnny Wadd and his brothers name was Ronnie. It was hard to watch the first time. I was young and naive like you were and the good times were really good but the bad times were worse. I saw guns fired into the air (in an apartment and not on the top floor either) like that and I washed plenty of blood off of him that I would discover was not his. I know I don’t know you but I feel like I do…at least a little. I know what it is like to love someone like that, fear him, hate him, pity him and then eventually have to leave him. It is not an easy decision…but it is life or death in the end. I could not sleep that night, but I watched it again the next day and wow, what performances. There are two sides to people like that and everybody got that point across remarkably well. You are a brave person to tell your story like that and to help make that film.
Can I ask you a question?. For me things got worse between us after I quit using…was it the same for you?.
Your friend if you ever want one,
Laurel
April 2nd, 2005 at 1:53 am
Hi,
I am a biography buff and I have always watched entirely too much television. So I had heard about the Wonderland murders a while ago. I was also a curious teenage/college student and watched a lot of adult movies in my life, so I knew who John Holmes was. I was 15 when he died, and I remember hearing about it on the news. It was a few months later that I saw my first “John Holmes Movie”. Just wondering Dawn, if you have ever seen any of his movies? I have seen Sharon in an interview state that she never saw any of his movies.
The movie was well done I think, although disturbing and sad. Again, I am a biography buff…I love reading true stories and cannot wait until your book comes out.
By the way, you have the most beautiful eyes. Blessings to you.
Chelsea
April 4th, 2005 at 3:34 am
I first saw “Wonderland” a couple months ago, sometime in January 2005, I believe. At first, I admit, I was a bit appalled by it all, but intrigued, as true-to-life stories have always been interesting to me. I just watched it for the second time tonight, April 4, 2005, and have a better respect and understanding of it all. I feel for you and Sharon and am really interested in your book because I would love to know the whole story. I think you are a survivor and your story will help others to know that they, too, can survive and overcome anything in their lives. It will also show that they are not alone because there is always someone with them. That someone may be the last person on this planet they would think of who would be caring enough to help them. I think that Sharon truly was an unexpected ally for you. You may not have thought that, but from an outsider looking in, she is the most unlikely ally. I think it’s beautiful what you two have. I also think it’s wonderful of you to willingly share your story. I’m sure that while it’s been painful to relive that part of your lives, it’s been very cleansing and healing. I believe as you do, that everything happens for a reason. Unfortunately your life wasn’t what anyone would seek out, however, I firmly believe that you were destined to live it so that you could help others live theirs. So that you could show them that no matter what comes, there is ALWAYS a way out. I cannot begin to imagine how your life was affected by all of this, but it seems to me from reading your posts and from reading articles, that you’ve definitely come a long way and are doing VERY well. I hope your daughter sees this and makes “better” decisions than you did. Having two children, one of whom is a girl, I firmly believe that educating your children on real life is the best way to help them to make good decisions in their lives. It’s the best way to ensure they’ll make educated decisions and not go into any situation blindly or feel they have to “settle”. I hope your daughter learns what she needs to from this and is able to carry it with her and pass it on to her children, as well as others. Maybe your experiences will prompt her to be an advocate for women. Nothing but good can come from all of this. As a woman, I have to give you praise for doing all you’ve done to be happy and healthy. I am fortunate to have a husband who is as kind and gentle as they get. My own mother was married to an abusive man, not on the level John was, but bad enough. So, I have been fortunate enough to escape her past. I hope your daughter can do the same.
Hugs to you and your family, and to Sharon. May God Bless and keep you all safe in His arms.
Love,
Crystal
Florida
April 4th, 2005 at 8:34 am
Just saw the movie for the first time last night. Have never been a drug user or gotten myself even remotely into that situation. But, in today’s world, I am a bit more fearful for my nieces and nephews who may be tempted to try drugs. I plan on buying your book to have them read when they reach their teens. Way to come out of it, Dawn. Your story is so inspiring and I wish for the best for you and your family.
CC
April 6th, 2005 at 2:28 pm
Dawn,
I am looking forward to your book. I know that reading about what you and Sharon went through…survived will be most inspiring. I am writing to thank you for sharing your story, and to say that I hope someday I can call myself a survivor like you are. Until then I am also writing to say goodbye and tell you how much your response and compliment about my poem meant to me. Thanks again.
Laurel
April 6th, 2005 at 11:53 pm
Dawn;
I saw the movie again for the now the third time and have for some reason felt compelled to write you. Maybe it’s because I live in the Los Angeles area and have driven by the house on Wonderland, but my question / comments to you is first I commend you on your stength to forge a positive life and not end up in the trenches a “victim” if you will of circumstance, but also how accurate did the movie portray you and the life? As the movie ends it states of you both going to Florida. Does your book add more information to your life there? I wish you nothing but good days to you and your family.
April 7th, 2005 at 2:14 pm
How old were you when you finally gave up drugs for good? Did you need to go to rehab to finally stop or was it just with the help of family and friends??
April 7th, 2005 at 5:23 pm
The movie left me speechless. I cannot believe how much you went though at such a young age but things like that I guess make you stronger afterwards
April 8th, 2005 at 11:47 am
Dawn,
I thought the film was brilliant, it’s one of my favorites. I’ve actually just moved into a house just round the corner from Wonderland so it was even more interesting for me.
I’m going to HAVE to go and get your book now!!!!!
Anyway, I really hope you’re doing well now and getting the most out of life. It sounds like you’ve really been to the edge.
If you’ve got any good advice for keeping straight, please pass it on. I regularly go through binge periods that really mess things up for me. You’ve seen and experienced this first hand and come through it. What’s the secret???????
all the best
Tommy
April 11th, 2005 at 1:02 am
Why is the address of the Wonderland house backwards in the movie? It’s listed under “famous houses in LA” and is in almost every article about the murders. I was also wondering if you knew how Susan felt about the movie being made, did she see it, if so, how did she feel about the crime scene video being included on the dvd and actual crime scene and autopsy still photos flashed in the movie, Also can you tell me what her injuries were, does she have any problems that stem from her injuries and has she ever been back to crime scene? I think both of you were VERY lucky.
April 15th, 2005 at 8:36 am
Dawn
greetings, I was recently given a copy of Wonderland by my wife, and I gotta say I am fascinated with the movie and the story, yours and Johns story and the intense yet destructive relationship you had.I love Val Kilmer as a actor and I don’t know how you feel about it but I love his portrayal of John(although of course I never knew John)but what I would imagine he would be like at that desperate time in his life.
But I think its the crazy intensity of your lifestyle that fascinates me most, do you think the movie in a gory kind of way romanticizes the life that the two of you led almost .
Or maybe I have missed the whole message of the movie, or maybe there was no message at all.My wife and I party hard sometimes and I often in my mind draw parallels between yours and Johns dangerous but strangely infectious love.Do you think there was that ever, or just misery and sadness camouflaged by drugs?
P.s. I want to buy and read your book, can i get it off Amazon.com, and do you go into much detail about the Wonderland period of your life.
All the best
D
April 24th, 2005 at 1:57 pm
Hi dawn, i have been so moved to post a comment here on your site. I find the story you tell is so powerful and intriguing. It has been a while since i watched wonderland but afterwards i felt compelled to find your book. I know it’s not out yet , but i will keep my eyes and ears peeled up here in canada. The dynamics of yours and johns relationship was very confusing at first, but only now as i slowly escape my own tumultuous relationship with a drug user/dealer that i can now fully understand the dynamic of the relationship you and john had. I still can not believe i am actually posting to you, a real survivor! Your such a inspiration, thank you.
Also, is the lady (susan) doing well?You mentioned that she had a tough road, which is understandable. I find her story just as intriguing and powerful as yours, i hope she knows people still think of her.
April 26th, 2005 at 12:29 pm
Hi, I’ve never been in your situation before. But I really admire you.
The movies been out for a while but I just saw it and to see what you went through that was very sad.
The girl who portrayed you doesn’t seem like an experienced actress, there could have been someone better. But other than that Val, and Lisa were amazing, I coudl still feel your story.
Good luck in everything.
April 27th, 2005 at 5:53 am
I’ve watched the movie 4 or 5 times now. Movies based on true events to me are always more fascinating. The characters and acting performance are impressing (i guess I’ll watch it yet again). Showing the plot from different perspectives, one gets a good idea what might have happened. About the reproval from critics the movie glorified drugs: the movie shows addicted individuals and consumption of drugs. Some characters are very involved in this, and their lives are shattered by it. For a person who is not vulnerable for addiction this might be daunting. For people who are vulnerable, I probably wouldn’t recommend any movie where addicts are shown doing what they do. I like the movie.
April 28th, 2005 at 3:40 am
just watched the movie for the first time this morning.and i liked it very much.was very surprised at what i learnd from it.after the movie i did sum research on the web.found more interesting info.i may even look for the building on my many trips to the l.a. area.having been addicted to drugs,i connected with the ideals of sum of the characters.will cntinue researching this movie,and its many charactors inolved.although this happened in what seems a lifetime ago,dawn i am pleased you have grown into the woman you are today.its refreshing to know that people do survive their past lives to become productive human beings.
April 30th, 2005 at 3:38 pm
hi dawn, i’ve seen the wonderland movie, and i found it haunting and disturbing. so much going on, and so many unanswered questions. in the deleted scenes, i think it has john going back to eddie nashes before you head out for florida. if so, why? i’m very glad you got out and found yourself. thanks, kim
May 4th, 2005 at 1:11 am
It’s a great film. I would know something about susan launius! Is she alive today in the real life? She have a new noraml family and children? Did she had a collaboration with film production? Now she is 40 years old maybe? I’m just curious, that’s all! Bye people! Thanks for answer me!
May 4th, 2005 at 9:20 am
Someone knows where it’s possible to see images and photos of Sharon Holmes when she was young and now? I’m curious to see the face of this woman. I think that in the film Sharon and Dawn are very special and lovely women!
May 5th, 2005 at 12:21 am
And somebody knows where and if it’s possible to see images and or photos of reals members of this story? The photos of wonderland members gang?
May 10th, 2005 at 1:47 am
Ms. Dawn,
Thought the Wonderland gang looked a bit “hollywood clean” for me, as did kilmer’s distracting white teeth…kept thinking of the Doors movie…Do you have an opinion on the corruption between LAPD and Eddie Nash? Why do you think Det. Lang’s book “4 on the floor” was squashed?… How could anyone live in a house where 4 people were brutally murdered.?..I know I could’nt.
Never did drugs, so can’t relate to the self help idealogy consistently spoken here. Glad to see your experience being used in a positive direction…out
brad in vegas
May 10th, 2005 at 5:52 am
I think the movie was fantastic. It was made so well and Val Kilmer is a brilliant character actor. I can’t imagine anyone else playing that part. All of the actors were great. The film looked very authentic and definitely gave me the feeling of the time period. I’m only 32 so I wasn’t terribly familiar with the story but I had heard of it and of course, I’d heard of John Holmes. It seemed in the movie that you really loved him and I’m sorry it took such a tragic turn. I was glad to read that you were doing well. And I hope Sharon is too.
May 13th, 2005 at 3:27 pm
Hi Dawn,
I just wanted to relay to you what I thought of the movie, Wonderland. I have to say, I am more than a little intrigued by it. It was the fast paced, dark, mystery type of movie that I would usually enjoy, and I am a Val Kilmer fan. But more, it is the story of that time in this world that has captured my interest. Since I can remember, or at least since I had begun to learn who I was, I have been in love with the “flower” era, and hold that time close to my heart, although my knowledge and knowing of that time is learned through books, magazines, and movies. Sometimes I wish that I could skip back to that time where love was everywhere and people were acting against the norm, and it was cool. Nowadays, although I recognize some beauty here and there, people seem so shallow, materialistic, and aren’t interested in things that don’t benefit their status. People follow what they are told is beauty, which is not the beauty I appreciate.
I think my obsession with that era grew from when I was a kid, born in 1981, my parents divorced soon after, and all I was left with of my dad were pictures of him with the shaggy hair, jean shirt, and boots. When I heard songs from that era, I identified that with my dad, and was able to paint pictures in my head of him. I am now 23 years old, and since I was about 13, have felt like an outsider, ridiculed in school, and growing up with abuse, alcohol, and more hurtful than anything a mother who was so caught up in her own tragedies who was distant and not a healthy figure to me, or a means of support. My love of the music began when I was probably 14 or so, I can’t explain it but I would swear Jimi Hendrix saved my soul, and was a relief for me from depression that nobody was aware of, and my mom chose to ignore. Feeling trapped, and unloved I often secretly daydreamed that I would be saved by some guy in a mustang or riding a harly, and wouldn’t care where I ended up, as long as it was away from my life. That was my fairytale. I think that is why the movie has captured me so, it reminds me ‘very much like the relationship between your character and John Holmes in the movie, Wonderland.
When my friends were nitpicking at each other, and flirting with boys, I always had a deepness about me, and appreciated artists such as The Doors, and Janis Joplin, and wore my hair long and bare feet as much as possible. When I was 17, because of an experience that involved my mom’s boyfriend whom I had idolized and loved, I was left even more disheartened than ever. Although, I appeared happy and in control at the time, I was dying on the inside. Having nowhere to go, my mother was engulfed in her own shame and pretended that I was to blame, I had phoned my dad who I found out shared the same city, but was too depressed and scared to call. I lived with him for about 8 months, we laughed and cried, I could not bring myself to call him dad but was happy enough to know him, having me in his life maybe was too much of a shock and ended in him gambling away our rent and I eventually moved out, and he stopped returning my phone calls, and then left the city. It seems everyone I love finds a way to break me.
I now have a potentially decent job with an oil company, and a great boyfriend. Although I know I am different, which I use to think damaged, I am trying to love the person that I am more and more, and recognize who I am in my own way. Now, I still struggle with myself, it seems against myself and my sensitive heart, although I look ‘normal’ I am like a magnet to people who have felt pain, and it is through these sort of people that I free myself, and feel ok, and not judged, assuming I am. It is as though I think people are threatening, when I’m unsure if they really are, I am often confused by my feelings and write it off as me being ‘wrong’ or somewhat delusional.
I live in a world surrounded by people who dress by a code, and only talk in a certain way to succeed, it is here that I find myself hiding, and curl up inside, with feelings of inferiority. This only fuels my internal struggles, and my need to ‘escape’ reality through artificial fun. I find when I am feeling low, I indulge in my old fairytale of running away to a place that offers no comfort, and with someone who doesn’t really care. I guess being older, and still haunted by old fears that appear strong sometimes, I recognize the danger but am still drawn to it, I fear someday I may make this my reality. I know it would be sabotage to my life at the present, but it would somehow satisfy some dark place that won’t leave me. Sadly, I almost feel destined for this life, as if I don’t fit in in this world, nobody knows, but it is as though I am rejecting the life of goodness where people care, as if it is a foreign place for me. At times I love who I am by recognizing such ignorance in others, and I feel I live my life with a very open mind, and a free loving spirit, who welcomes people of all kinds…but am disappointed in the world.
Sometimes I am glad to be me, and there are times when I struggle to be me, and lose myself, I have even suffered an anxiety attack not too long ago, which scared me into thinking I am not doing what I meant to do, and am tempted to change my life drastically, or slip into a world that goes nowhere. I feel like my life has given me many life lessons, that have given me tools for this world, but they are not helping.
Perhaps, you have some insights into my story, having been down a dark road yourself, I feel some pull to this movie that has strangely lead to me to writing you an e-mail of my life, and opening my heart in a way I never have.
Sincerely,
Melissa Martin
May 15th, 2005 at 3:41 pm
Melissa,
Welcome to this site. Let me just say, I understand. With every twist of your internal description of youself, as you suspected, I can relate. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you that it can all be alright and you would believe me. The truth is though, that it really can, but it will take an effort on your part that can be extremely difficult at times. Your insight that you have been given many tools through life lessons it correct. Nothing is without value. But if you feel that these tools are not working, then perhaps you need more tools. With what you have shared about your past, there seems an obvious amount of “wreakage” to come to terms with. In my case there were times when I began to feel good and comfortable in my own skin, only to suddenly be thrust into doubt and insecurity again with an unknown triggering event in life. I needed better tools too. I had to reach out to professionals and make a commitment to myself not to drink or use ever again. I had to find like minded individuals to talk things through when “life” got tough. Slowly, opening up and trusting others who had walked down the same path as me and/or understood with compassion, helped me to not feel so alone and fearful. Then, as my fear subsided, my vision cleared as well and I could take an honest look at myself and wipe away the self loathing that secretly haunted me. I began to have value to mysef for “real” qualities that made me proud. Not superficailly, because I had something, looked a certain way or could do a job well. Integrity and kindness became an important part of who I am. Processing the pain of my past with a new view of who I was to ME was a very important part of my healing.
This all may be more information than you expected, but I thought I might share it with you as you made quite an effort to post your story here. There are no easy answers or quick fixes I’m afraid, but if you can stay committed to yourself and remember to congratulate yourself on every small step forward you take, you can come out of the darkness of that buried hidden fear that you talk about.
As I said in the beginning of this post, I understand. I wish you the very best.
Blessings,
Dawn
May 16th, 2005 at 2:04 am
I just watched the movie for the first time tonight. I have been meaning to see it for ages, both because it seemed interesting and because I had been involved with a guy who worked at and lived at the Starwood for some time in the early 80s. He still struggles with cocaine, especially freebase, it is in fact what ended our relationship. It was very interesting for me to see the environment he existed in for that period of time. I don’t forgive him for his problem, or what it did to our relationship and to me, but I feel like I understand him a bit more and understand how truly immersed in that lifestyle he must have been. I saw the notes at the end and went looking for info about your book online, and here I am, now I need to go and do some reading! It is wonderful for me to see someone that lived in that environment has pulled themselves together, it means I was not wrong in telling him he could be something else than what he is, and it gives me hope that someday he will move past that lifestyle for good.
I was also touched by what you went through and look forward to learning more. As a victim of sexual abuse in my late teens I have a great love in my heart for others who have faced the same experiences and been able to beat their demons.
Bless you!
May 17th, 2005 at 12:21 pm
Dawn,
I want to thank you for your website and your response to my e-mail. I wasn’t expecting it to be posted or answered, and I truly appreciate it. My life is a little more empowered because of yours. To share your story is a very selfless act, and is very admirable to me. I can only imagine the courage it has taken you, witch is also very encouraging. I so look forward to reading your book in the future!
It is very comforting to know someone can identify with my inner struggles, and in turn to identify with others on your site! I have always relied on myself for strength, my mother’s way of ‘dealing’ with me in the past was of literally pretending I wasn’t speaking of such things. Your story has caused me to take an honest look at myself, instead of hiding in my fears, which has been somewhat painful, but rejuvenating for me, and has given me the push to explore further, possibly with other woman someday.
The love and peacefulness that comes through you on your site gives me much hope that there is life after pain. I think anyone who unfortunately has been touched by great pain, and is fortunate enough to survive is granted a unique quality about them, one that teaches them to appreciate beauty in the ‘little’ things in life. Assuming the healing process stops after the trouble has subsided is false, I know, I do believe the bigger challenge sometimes lays after the turmoil stops, and the person must move forward. I am trying not to take up sooo much space in your comments!!
I have never had an idol before, you are the first!
I will continue on my path with you in mind, thanks again, Dawn.
Continue to take care of yourself, as you have fueled me to do so,
Melissa
May 19th, 2005 at 12:16 am
Hi Valerie,
Just want to say kudos to you on staying strong. I hope your friend can get well.
Blessings,
Dawn
May 19th, 2005 at 9:39 am
Dear Dawn,
I just watched the film, and it says at the end about the book you wrote so i was looking to research the name of it which i have now found. Stories like this give people hope, that whatever difficulties you come to and however much in despair you are some people do survive. Glad you made it and are happy now.
Good luck for the future
CKB
May 22nd, 2005 at 1:07 am
Dear Dawn,
This is more of an observation but I was watching HBO tonight and they played both Boogie Nights and Wonderland and I know that both films depict John’s different life’s he led but I noticed in BN that their was no mention of you. They touched on his drug binge and even showed them going to the house of Eddie Nash. I guess they wanted to focus more on his career as an adult film star. It just made me think when I saw the movies back to back. Did John try to have a music career?
May 22nd, 2005 at 3:03 pm
I too noticed that they were on back to back. I think HBO does it on purpose!!!! LOL It has been like that the past few time they have showed both movies if you see Boogie Nights on you know Wonderland will be on soon or just ended and vise versa. I never thought about John having a music career. Good question.
May 22nd, 2005 at 8:07 pm
i just watched the movie last nigth and decide check on line about you…..im from brasil and im glad the movie came here because a story like that needs to be showed everywhere in the world….because give us force to figth against drugs and hope to keep our lifes.im glad to find this site and see how wonderfull you are doing rigth now.im glad powerfull womens like you exist on earth to give us a little of how life is precious and how we are the ones constructing our destiny….it can be good or bad just depends the way we guide ourselfs…thanks dawn for teaching us that!!!!wish you the best and all the happines you can have…love camila
May 29th, 2005 at 5:55 am
Incredible story.
I’m sure a lot of people originally decided to watch this film because of the mystique around Holmes….without giving much thought to the two women in his life who kept him semi-sane.
After watching, I was struck by a couple of things -
- Sharon Holmes is a very strong person and did what she had to do to survive (estrangement, symbolism of turning the wedding photo over, ‘payoff’ to stay away towards the end, her loving advice for Dawn
- Dawn, you were extremely young, and extremely lucky to get out of this with your life. I am so glad to know you are in a better place now.
Phenomenal job by by the headliners in the film (kilmer was his usual stellar self, bosworth surprised – and in a supporting role, Josh Lucas was superb as Launius I felt).
Like others who have found this site, I instantly got online after watching the first time to search for more info. Great blog, great posts by readers/watchers.
I wish you all the best in the future Dawn.
June 5th, 2005 at 6:01 am
Dawn,
last night i watched the “wonderland” film, and like many people got curious and wanted to find some more about it…
the film itself has some failures i think, specially at the sequences where “David Lind” (by the way the actor that played him was kinda horrible i think) “and John Holmes” are giving their statements, it just didn`t worked for me…
by in a general way it was a great film, specially cause of the story…
i have to tell i was scared after living the movies, how could a history like that be true? normally we get out of the movies and think “it`s okay it`s just a movie”, but this time we just can`t do that…
i can believe how man can be so cruel and crazy…
actually for me the main character is John, who wanted money more than anything for whatever (by that time we had materialistic people too, don`t we?) and just made a big confusion in and outside his mind…
in my point of view everybody got safe of this whole story, what do you think about that?
June 6th, 2005 at 11:24 pm
Soundtrack of this movie is beautiful…
“In every dream home a heartache”…
June 7th, 2005 at 3:53 am
I absolutely loved the movie! Its going into my all time top 5. I mean I fealt like i was right there with ya’ll. I was that enthralled. And I just want to add that I think you are an amazing woman for withstanding everything you’ve been through.
Ashley
June 7th, 2005 at 3:16 pm
I saw the movie when it came out in the theater. I love the movie. The acting was phenom. I went as far as to going to Laurel Canyon and taking pictures of the Wonderland house. People live there, ther was a Porsche 911 parked in the garage. I am in love with the soundtrack. ” I blew up your body….but you blew my mind”………. XOXO… Michelle
June 10th, 2005 at 3:26 am
Hello,
I’m 17 years old, and in the middle of a move from Australia to the US (I’m American). This morning when the packers were here I turned on the cable and Wonderland was on, I’d started watching this movie sometime last year with my friends but my boyfriend and I got too tired and went home. So finally I got to finish it today, and strangely enough I really do think it affected me, which I guess is good. It must have i mean it kept from falling asleep when I was dead tired this morning. Anyway today I’ve been doing heaps of thinking today about it, and I when I got home I started looking it up on the Internet to find information on it, but it’s proving fairly difficult. I stumbled upon and have a few questions. What happened to Susan Lainus? Does she have any permanent damage even still today, and is she still alive?
When did you stop using? Was Ron Lainus portrayed accurately by Josh Lucas? Did you ever talk to Holmes full on about the murders?
I find the story very very intriguing and would like to know much more on it.
thanks,
Amrys
June 21st, 2005 at 9:29 pm
Dawn:
How often do you talk to Sharon these days?
Chris
June 23rd, 2005 at 6:28 pm
Dear Dawn, I was so glad to see Wonderland when it came out over her purely because it raised the notoriety of the events of 1981 and beyond. I am only 24, but I did have prior knowledge of these events as I have been around the same sort of elements since I was an early teen and learning about American culture has always been a must as I intend to travel there someday. I have to say how engrossing the film was, it really captured the time, space and feeling that it was meant to as well as standout performances by all actors involved. I was glad to see you were one of the executive producers as it put to rest any fears of a non-genuine factual basis. Thank you for sharing with us experiences that, while some of us can relate to, most will never know first hand and removing any myths about what took place. While there is only a certain amount of accuracy that can be portrayed through film, It all went together in my view, it was outstanding.
Thank you again, Dawn. Dean Fell, Melbourne, Australia.
June 25th, 2005 at 1:03 pm
Dawn,
Wonderland was a very powerful movie to watch. It is truely amazing how interesting the murders are to me. I never knew about them until watching Wonderland. It is on my top 5 of the best movies I have ever seen. I have read all the comments from above and feel more in tuned to what you went through. I would love to buy your book. Congratulations on moving forward with your life in a positive way. And may God Bless you in many ways.
Most Sincerely,
Carolann
June 26th, 2005 at 7:51 pm
Just watched the movie for the first time yesterday (6/25/05). Very interesting. I had no idea about those murders since I was a young child at the time. I was fascinated by what little of the relationship between you, John, and Sharon and wanted to know more. I will definitely be picking up a copy of your book. Congratulations to you on turning your life around so much.
June 30th, 2005 at 3:17 pm
It’s near the anniversary of the Wonderland murders. It’s hard for me to describe how much this case gets to me, for various reasons. Murders like these are just plain wrong and the surviving families and friends of the victims will never be the same. By this I mean they’ll always have pain and will be forever changed because of this horrible tragedy. Those who lost their loved ones will be in my prayers. And the victims also, as they were human beings who had people who loved them. I lost 2 of my family members to murder so know how it feels, this loss. Thanks for listening.
July 3rd, 2005 at 3:26 pm
I thought it was a really good movie, that in no way glamourized drugs.
I thought the acting was first rate, and the story was well told.
I’ve read a few people saying that they were hoping that the movie would tell us exactly what happened.
But there’s no way to know for sure.
The main question I have is whether John was forced to go back to Wonderland, or whether he went back to Nash, thinking that if he helped Nash get his stuff back, Nash might give him a reward.
Maybe John Holmes didn’t think that Nash would murder the Wonderland gang, and maybe he would.
I do sympathize with the things you went through with Holmes, and am happy that you came through.
You are the survivor in the story.
David
July 4th, 2005 at 6:05 am
I watched the movie for the first time yesterday and like so many comments I have just read, I was blown away.
Despite some of the comments here, and purely going from how I perceived the film and the acting, it looked as though John was very much in love with you, but simply lost his way as his drug taking spiralled out of control. The same can be said for how one action or lie, led to another which possibly sealed the fate of the Wonderland people. Of course, John’s actions can never be forgiven but perhaps he was the biggest victim of all. He certainly looked tortured in the car, wrestling with his guilt when he had sent ‘Gabrielle’ to her fate with Nash.
One wonders if drugs hadn’t consumed John’s life would the considerate side of him been allowed to flourish – you talk in one post that he couls have been talented in the arts.
The final afterthought which struck me watching the film was how there is nothing more unbelievable than real life. Living in England it is sometimes hard to comprehend how bizarre American law is. the film ends and we are told that Nash is a free man residing in America. Although the full truth as you know it will be revealed in your book (which I am keen to read), it seems beyond doubt that Nash ordered the Wonderland gang to their deaths yet walks free. I wonder to myself what he himself thinks of the film, indeed, that Hollywood have portrayed his involvement and that he has very much ‘walked away with murder’.
Dawn it would be great to hear your thoughts. Do you know if Nash has ever been tracked down to comment on the film?
All the best with the book, your family and your future
July 5th, 2005 at 12:47 am
Dawn – I have the UK DVD andon the main menu screen there is part of a song that just loops over with the lyrics “…just to get back home”. I have looked at the soundtrack and am unsure if it is one of those tracks. I don’t suppose you know what it is?
Going back to the film and my earlier post – I just wondered, is there not a law in America that prevents you from being tried for the same crime twice? With tis in mind, I wondered if Eddie Nash was tracked down, would he now admit to his involvement?
I know the trauma of even hearing Nash’s name must be bad for you, but it seems you have done brilliantly to excorcise any demons you had from that turbulent period in your life.
i am just very curious as to how Nash received the film and if anything has been documented. After all, he is the one person in this mess who walked away with murder.
Take care
Andy, Cheshire, England
July 8th, 2005 at 8:09 am
Dawn, I just saw the movie for the first time today. Being from Ohio, I knew of John previously. However, I did not know about the Wonderland murders or yours & Sharon’s involvement with John. My heart goes out to both of you. My heart also goes out to Susan, and all the surviving family members of those who were brutally murdered that horrendous night. After seeing the movie, I was compelled to look you up and John as well. I have read numerous stories online and still don’t know what to believe as far as his involvement. I will DEFINANTLY be buying your book. Not just to read your story, but because I have a tremendous amount of respect for you because of who you have become. Despite everything you had to endure in that lifestyle.
I also respect everything you do for abuse victims. I myself am a victim of abuse. My step-mother abused me as a child and when I was 15 I got involved with a man who did the same. He nearly killed me before I was 17 and able to get away. I have since grown up a lot, had a child of my own, and am now happily married (for 3 weeks) to a wonderful man who treats me like gold.
I am sorry for everything you have gone through in your life but am glad it has made you stronger. I hope you and Sharon continue to stay close, and I don’t find your relationship strange at all. I am glad neither of you contracted AIDS from John, I was wondering about that as well until I read the earlier comment on it.
Keep living your life to the fullest and being the WONDERFUL person that you have managed to become despite everything. Please tell Sharon that she and you are in my prayers and I am glad you both survived to become the stong, independent women you are today.
God be with you.
PS. When you spent 6 years out of the country, where did you go?? Why?
July 13th, 2005 at 2:32 pm
Wonderland is one of my top favorite movies. i watched it over a year ago when i first heard about it and loved it. i bought it and just watched it again this afternoon and wanted to find out more information on the wonderland incidents. i am so interested to learn more about everything you went through and to read your book. I won’t stop looking until i can find it. I never heard of the Wonderland murders or John Holmes until someone told me to watch the movie. Thankyou for sharing your story and i look forward to reading it soon.
July 18th, 2005 at 8:35 pm
LOVED IT! First i want to say you truly are a strong person. It was hard for me to watch because i see so much of my friends in that same downward spiral way of life. I saw that you wrote a book on your life with john and i am determined to find it, read it, and have all my friends do the same. When i was trying to find the name of the book, one of the websites i went to said you were hesitant on talking to the director and have an influence on the movie. I think you and Sharon are the reason it actually took a toll and hit my life hard. I’m so happy to hear you made it out alive and happy. I hope to have half the courage you and Sharon possess. For me having someone you love and cant get away from them even though you know they are bad for you really hits home. You truly are an inspiration and I would love to e-mail and chat with you!
July 24th, 2005 at 4:33 pm
Hi Dawn,
I watched the movie Wonderland two weeks ago when I was extremly high, and didn’t realize it was a true story. I decided to rent it again just because I wanted to really watch it with no distractions. I felt as if I was watching my own life. I have currently been dating an older guy who has started to use drugs. At first it was just snorting coke, but now it’s got to the point where all he does is smoke it. Obviously it’s not just coke, but any other drug he can get his hands on. Being around it all the time has started to make me do it too. About two months ago I called it quits and broke up with him. But, like John, he calls me all the time inviting me over to his house. I know I shouldn’t go, but I do. He is like a drug to me and I am addicted to him. Watching this movie was like watching my life. He could pimp her out, emotionally and physically abuse her, but she still kept going back to him. It’s everything my boyfriend does to me, but I still feel as if, “I’m his girl.” The sad thing is I would do anything for Ryan, my boyfriend, and I don’t want to feel that way. But like John, he is so charasmatic and charming that I just can’t stay away from him. I am determined to find your book and pull myself out of whatever it is that I am in. Watching this movie was like a wake-up call. Even the way Kate Bosworth looked at Val in the movie made me think of myself and Ryan. Please let me know the name of your book and where I can find it. I can’t do this forever. But I must say, I absolutly loved the movie.
August 5th, 2005 at 7:40 am
I just saw the movie and I have to say, it’s one of those films that stay with you hours after watching it. It lingers on your mind. The kind of movie where you run to your computer and feverishly search for more information about these true life events. It’s hard for a sheltered girl from rural Pennsylvania like me to imagine that kind of lifestyle. It’s intriguing and strangely exciting. I just wonder how it felt for you in that moment. Did your life feel out of control or was it so much apart of you that for you it was normal? And where was your family? Were you a runaway? Anyway it’s sad that so many lives were ruined over drugs and greed. I am glad to see that you made it out of the situation relatively intact. God Bless.
August 5th, 2005 at 7:49 am
Oh also wanted to say I’d rate the movie a 9.5 out of 10. I had to deduct 0.5 for the Paris Hilton cameo. Yuck.
August 15th, 2005 at 11:46 am
I loved this movie! I am impressed by the true humanitarianism exhibited by Sharon and Dawn. To have suffered so much by the hands of someone you loved and cared for so very deeply. It is only “love” that could have healed you. The love for humanity and the insight to recognize the cause of such inhumane behavior. I commend you both for overcoming and sharing your thoughts and knowledge to truly help others, such as myself let go of the sick world of sex, drugs and money. Thank you again. And yes, WOW- Hats off to Val Kilmer for a job well done. He had me believing that he is the real “John Holmes”. Dawn, I can’t wait to read your book! When and where might I find it?
Respectfully,
Keli
August 16th, 2005 at 12:54 pm
Thanks Keli,
I hope you are doing well.
Dawn
August 18th, 2005 at 7:50 am
I just finished watching the movie for the fourth time it gets better the more i watch it. hats off to the tremendous job the actors did, that also includes the bad guys.Steve
September 5th, 2005 at 11:00 pm
Dear Dawn:
I just recently saw WOnderland. I now own it and it is one of my favorite. It is amazing how being the wrong place at the wrong time can haunt you. I am very glad that nothing happen to you.
Do you know what ever happen to Susan Lanius and where and what is she doing now? My husband always wondered why the women were beaten so badly, but it was the guys who robbed Eddie Nash. Also do you know of a website that would show what the victims looked like before the murders?
Do you still communicate with Sharon Holmes? I always thought it was a bit strange that you and her were so close. But I guess you to shared a bond.
Thank you
Samantha
September 6th, 2005 at 11:11 pm
I literally just finished the movie and as I was reading the end as to who ended up where in life, I had to pause and write down everyones name to research and learn more. To explain how I feel about the movie is difficult. In a way touches too close to home. But also my amazement to see how you made it out on top. I have had the misfortune of playing in the drug world and on my way out. Things that I witnessed were never obviously to the extreme of wonderland, but I can see with drugs how quickly it can come to that. Desperation of drug addicts. The house we hung at had a double homicide w another girl left brain dead for the rest of her life. I guess I am still in a little bit of aw still! (Maybe I should have collected my thoughts before writing this!) I guess I just want to say congratulations! You made something of yourself and have a family and have left the garbage behind. I see how hard it is for people and how they lose themselves and go down w the garbage. Its so sad. I love the movie, it was a real eye opener. Thank you
September 7th, 2005 at 1:35 pm
Samantha,
Here is a website that have the original wonderland members on it and really great pics of Dawn. It is http://photobucket.com/albums/v285/Sunsetstripchic/
September 9th, 2005 at 6:35 pm
I’ve watched “Wonderland” several times in the last couple of months. Very interesting and well done. I did not know anything about the murders until I saw the movie. I anxiously await your book. Do you know when it will be published?
Take care…
September 11th, 2005 at 10:52 pm
Dawn-Rented the movie a while back, I wasn’t sure about it and gave myself 15 minutes to get involved or turn it off. Thank god, I stuck it out! I don’t remember a movie touching me like this in a long time. Through all of the violence and ugliness, I took with me a warm feeling of resilience in the human spirit, love(Your relationship with Sharon truly touched me), and a strong belief that we can all at any time no matter how bad things are make a choice to do the right thing for ourselves. The movie has caused me to think back to some horrible choices that i made at 15 and I’ll never know why I got out as lucky as I did. Now my daughter is 15 and I agonize over her choices now and in the future. You are so brave to tell your story, I have such admiration for you. I will buy your book AS SOON as I can get my hanks on it. Thank you an d God Bless you for telling your story, I don’t think you’ll ever really know how many people you’ve touched.
Karen
September 17th, 2005 at 10:43 pm
Nicole:
Thank you for the information.
Samantha
September 25th, 2005 at 11:09 pm
I saw it recently, and felt compelled to show it to all of my friends. Your life is very moving, and you are a courageous, strong woman. Bless you and good luck to you in the future. Most of all, Thank you.
September 27th, 2005 at 8:53 pm
I watch the movie every time it is on. It is a awsome movie, execpt for the fact that it is based on something that occurred. How close is the movie to truth? I have read some nasty things about Eddie Nash can you say if any of those are true as well through ypur experiences.
Thank you
September 28th, 2005 at 8:44 pm
Hello Dawn, I just watched the movie again last night and I can’t believe how Ron humiliated John in front of that crowd of people by holding a gun up to his private part like that and made him pull it out and let that woman touch it . Did that really happen, or was it exaggerated in the movie? I still haven’t found me a copy of the movie on dvd but I am still holding my breath, and thank you for answering my question about the broken bones. I am so glad you had the courage to get away from him you are a very brave woman. Bye for now!
October 19th, 2005 at 10:45 pm
well, the movie proved that Val Kilmer can certianly become any character he sets out to be on screen and so convincingly. I thought it was well done in all aspects. Kind of shook me up, all the violence and I can stomach a lot, but I do think it had to be shown.
So many people wouldn’t be involved with certian kinds of people if it weren’t for thier age. I suspect that of Dawn too.
I had involvement with drugs and am a recovering addict. This movie reminded me that thank God I didn’t get involved any deeper.
I await the book. And am looking for the title through this and other sites. Thank You
October 28th, 2005 at 6:02 pm
Hey there Dawn! I just found your website. I was not aware that you had made one up. One of my roommates friends brought the movie “wonderland” to the house one night and told us it was a great movie and that we should watch it. I am very much into true crime and I have never heard of this case before. After watching the movie, I became very interested in it. The movie was great. I also had never heard of John Holmes either. I went out and bought a copy of wonderland and it also had a extra DVD of the life and times of John Holmes in which you had interviews in. I am also looking forward to reading your book. Any idea when the release date is yet? I think that you are a strong woman and I hope that you have the best of luck in everything you do!
October 30th, 2005 at 12:56 am
I took my copy of the movie to work for some of my co-workers to watch and it seemed all were shaken. We are a group who largely came from a re-hab program that allows you to rebuild parts of your life, and employment is one. We all felt this can be a picture that can be appreciated in a drug treatment setting. I’m over 50 and a jaded fellow, and I remain disturbed by this story. This story scared me and gave me hope by reading about you.
Dawn I can only say I celebrate your survival of this awful experience. I suspect there is an inner strength inside you that is formidable. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself on this site.
November 8th, 2005 at 1:50 pm
Hello Dawn,
I finally let my cousin watch the movie and she loved it. I just thought I would let you know. I have read a lot of other the other comments on this site and I agree with them when they say that your character should have been in more of the scenes. I hope you are doing o.k.
Well- wishes
Printess
November 16th, 2005 at 2:07 pm
Hello Dawn,
Both the film and the documentary touched my life forever. Since viewing both, I have kept you in my prayers, as well as Sharon. I am so glad that you have this site as a means for people to “know” a little about you. I am searching for your first book now to purchase and read. I know that it will be as blessed as you are.
My best regards,
Dawn “Rysque” McGhee
November 25th, 2005 at 9:25 am
Best to you Dawn and I will look forward to buying and reading your book.
My connection to the movie is more because we ended up buying (and since selling) the house immediately next door to the Wonderland house. Our windows were just a few feet from the house. We were friends with some of the various renters who lived in that house and even went into it. It was especially troubling watching the film. We had talked with neighbors who lived there at the time and we’re there that night. They said that there was generally so much noise and screaming coming from that house that, although loud, you weren’t sure it was unusual. It was only after discovering what had happened that they were haunted by the noises they’d heard the night before.
Again, best to you and it’s good to hear that you have survived.
November 29th, 2005 at 3:27 pm
Back in the 80’s I had heard snippits about how John Holmes was involved in a murder. I never knew the whole story unitl the movie came out. The movie did not make the big screen in my area. I wonder if the film company didn’t promote it well enough, because I just watched it on DVD and thought it was terrific. All the cast was excellent in their acting. Dylan Mc Dermott is unrecognizable in his biker character. Josh Lucas is frightening as a drugged out badass.
The film editing techniques and sound track really add to the entertainment value of the moive. This movie entertains, yet shocks with its brutally violent climax.
I thought having the real people Sharon Holmes and Dawn Schiller involved was a smart move to keep the movie on track as to how things actually unfolded back in 1981.
I’ve never visited L.A., but if I do I would like to drive past the Wonderland house. I might add this flick to my DVD library!! Thumbs way up!
November 30th, 2005 at 6:24 pm
My question is for Michael who lived next door to the Wonderland house. Are they still renting that house out to people, and has anyone heard anything unusual late at night like unsettled spirits in that house? I know this is a crazy question but I do believe in unsettled spirits when they are as brutally murdered as those people were.
December 9th, 2005 at 3:39 am
I think the movie was great,the acting was superb and i can’t wait to read the book and know more of your life. One thing i would like to know is have you ever talked to Susan lunius? If so i hope you can fill in the missing piece of that awful night.I hope you keep on writing more book the world likes good authors.
cheers Jeena
December 10th, 2005 at 2:54 pm
Jeena,
Yes the acting was superb. I don’t think Dawn has had any contact with Susan Launius after the incident. Apparently Susan is just trying to put it all past her and get on w/ her life. I have did alot of research and have not come up w/ much in regrads to Susan. But I do know that Rodger Jacobs at ‘8763 Wonderland” website is selling a wonderful book called “Long Time Money and Lots of Cocaine” by Rodger Jacobs, which contains the actual court transcripts of many people involved in the Wonderland murders. Including Susan Launius’ testimony. It is a great book and I suggest you purchase it if you are interested in the Wonderland Murders. My screen name there is Nikkita. So if you what to converse, I would love it.
Sincerely,
Nicole
December 12th, 2005 at 4:30 am
It is clear from the comments posted here that “Wonderland” is destined to become a cult classic. Despite the fact that the film was underpromoted, and the double standard of Hollywood “not wanting to be associated” withh one of its biggest stars, a solid fan base is forming for this film.
I predict that 10 years from now this fllick will be seen as a diamond in the rough and an iconic account of how bad things can happen when good people get mixed up with bad and drugs.
December 15th, 2005 at 1:32 pm
Dear Dawn –
I have found your story so compelling. I too have lead a life of drugs and prostitution when I felt I was nothing and worthless.
I’m facing very hard times once again in my life. I find reading the postings on your website bring me back to reality and give me some form of hope when everything seems so hopeless.
Sharon seems to be a wonderful woman. I only wish I had someone like her in my life to help pick up the pieces along the way.
After viewing the film numerous times and doing a lot of on line research I recently visited 8763 Wonderland Avenue and felt closer to the story than ever. This recent visit also prompted me to look for your book. Have you completed the second one as well? I would like to learn more about the Dawn Schiller that is not portrayed in the film Wonderland. But the entire woman. You seem to be so happy now with your daughter and the life you have made for yourself.
I can only hope that I can find the courage and strength to do the same with my own life.
After visiting Val’s website it seems you and Sharon are responsible for Val signing on to play the role of John…you don’t give yourself enough credit on this website for that fact.
In closing I wanted to thank you for your work on the film. I’m sure it was very hard at times reliving the past. After all we already see the bad things we’ve done or encountered in our lives over and over in our own minds everyday, trying so hard to overcome them. You are such a strong woman and for that we are all grateful.
Thank You Dawn.
December 25th, 2005 at 6:56 pm
I just saw it and it was great and I cannot stop thinking about the whole situation.I am going to look for the book.
December 29th, 2005 at 3:06 am
Dear Dawn.
I LOVE the movie wonderland. my sister even got me the dvd for xmas. it was very sad to see what you had to go through. it is amazing how well you turned out! has your book been published yet? i am dying to read it. also, someone mentioned the movie boogie nights…were u in johns life during this time? because they go to eddie nashs but they never mention you? myabe u could clear that up for us. i hope all is well and that u have a good new year.
Desirae
January 13th, 2006 at 2:18 pm
Hi Dawn,
Just watched the movie now and saw afterwards about your book, so thats what I came hunting for. Boy were you lost those days, glad you did the right thing though, and soon enough, otherwise you may have ended up where he is now!
Let us know about your book okay? Its a must read on my list now
Regards,
Gavin Kukard
South Africa
January 13th, 2006 at 6:01 pm
i watched the movie “Wonderland” and i was amazed by it. movies like that one just leave me breathless,it defiantly left an effect on me. the actors were amazing and told the story so well.it amazes me what went on and what you had to go through, seriously your a really brave women. ever since i seen it Ive been researching you and everyone else and the whole wonderland ave.murders on google. i just absolutely love that movie and hope to see more like it in the future
January 13th, 2006 at 8:42 pm
it doesnt matter if he knew he had it in 86″ 4 years after u 2 were last with him but the fact remains
u 2 were with him and aids can be in remission for over 10 yrs if not longer my uncle was in remission for many yrs and neighbor lived with it 4 over 20yrs and i cant see why u all dont have it considering the drugs, unprotected sex, and the abuse he put on u if u dont dont worry about the book but be a advocate as a mircale…..peace
January 13th, 2006 at 8:46 pm
not to be negative but i commend u 4 going thru what u have and GOD BLESS when book movie comes out i will support it …
January 17th, 2006 at 12:51 pm
I am sure that anyone who has got out of this kind of situation know of the facts regarding HIV, AIDS, Hep C and such and are test regular. Remember many of these woman have gone on to have children and live productive lives in the community. I do not feel you being Negative I hear concern, and that is a good thing.
Marie
January 28th, 2006 at 10:14 am
Ok..I recently purchased a copy of Wonderland on DVD. I thought it was a superior movie. The opening with the sound track gives you a feeling of the atmosphere at the party house on Wonderland Ave. However, the world of drugs and pornography is an illusion, a sick distortion for the kind of life people are meant to live. The tragic demise the Wonderland gang , and later of John Holmes gives evidence to that.
Dawn was very lucky to have survived this period in her life. I know this happended almost 30 years ago, but I sincerely hope that she and Sharon Holmes have found some peace of mind.
I think all young people who are using drugs should see this movie. Perhaps it will help them to reconsider the choices they are making.
February 2nd, 2006 at 2:23 pm
Dear Dawn,
Ended up here while looking for your book. I read every message and notice you haven’t been back lately…is the book coming out or has it been delayed?
I was thinking about the bathtub scene, which had struck me (no pun intended) as being especially informative about your state of mind at the time, as well as John’s. I had thought he was hitting you, but hadn’t been sure until reading your post about it. I understand James Cox choosing to underplay it to the point of obscurity, as it wouldn’t be understandable by most people. It’s psychologically quite accurate for John to send you in there, go crazy with regret and remorse, then hate you for having done it (if you’d said, “No” then he’d have nothing to feel bad about) and punish you for HIS crime and make you pay for his conflicted feelings of needing to satisfy this man by hurting you, then wash you clean and try to forget it and make up for it, but that’s a very complex psychology that only one who’s been in an abusive relationship can de-code. I think it would have been seen as hypocritical, coming right after the anguished car scene where John is practically pulling his hair out.
My husband used to beat me, then weep on his knees, begging me to forgive him. This isn’t hypocrisy, it’s the twisted thinking of a person who fights his own demons by attacking others, and it’s not easy to understand unless you’ve seen it in person. Drugs don’t even need to be involved, though they certainly make things much worse.
It didn’t surprise me to see the epilogue titles wherein we are told that you turned him in. I would have expected you to come to that sooner rather than later. I’m glad, too, that Sharon told the truth after John died, though it might have helped if she’d told it sooner, especially in Nash’s trial. But I understand her choice.
I thought the film was extremely compelling, and am glad it was told by an experimental filmmaker, rather than a linear, simple-minded Hollywood guy who didn’t really know how to tell such a story so that we could really feel it, rather than just sit back and watch. Val Kilmer is certainly becoming one of our most interesting actors. I also disagree with whomever it was who didn’t like Dylan McDermott’s performance–it was a quantum leap for him as an actor, and he was absolutely convincing. Everyone was great, even if they were just there briefly–I’d have liked to see more of Jean Garofalo (never can spell her name right) as Joy. Ironic name.
I thought Kate did a terrific job of re-creating you on the screen. It didn’t feel like an impersonation, but rather a from-the-gut, in-the-skin sort of inhabitation of a 15 yr. old girl trying to make sense of a host of contradictory feelings and a very messy situation of which she only knows pieces. Quite a feat.
I admire you for doing as well as you are, and enjoyed your comments on my DVD. I have watched the film a few times, and even the crime scene footage (I used to work for a Medical Examiner, so it’s not as upsetting for me as for others, but it was the worst set of crime scene photos I’ve ever seen), as it really brings home the rage and hatred that was expelled to get so much blood so high up on the walls. While some may think it’s gratuitous, it’s actually informative, as many now know from watching CSI–blood-spatter explains force which explains the emotional state of the killers, and that was important in this story. Obviously, Mr. Nash felt he was the King of L.A. and that to steal from him was a crime so egregious as to deserve the most horrific death imaginable. I’m only surprised he didn’t make everyone wake up and suffer more. Thankfully they were sleeping (expect for the guy who answered the door). I found that one fact to be very comforting–they never knew what hit them, and I am deeply grateful for that, at least.
Do please come back just to give us an update on your book! We’re obviously all on pins and needles…
Take care of yourself, and Sharon, too.
February 2nd, 2006 at 2:26 pm
Sorry, I meant 19-yr. old girl. You were 15 when you met, and this was nearly 5 yrs. later, right?
February 13th, 2006 at 12:31 pm
To Dawn and everyone,
Wonderland is a truly mixed emotion,
its at once a heartbreaking story and a powerful message for those left to see it.
Drugs are a cruel illusion, a battle of the spirit and the mind, drugs can easily capture your mind, can destroy your innocence and easily change the shade of the world..
I know of many people, myself included, who have come awake from a drug haze the next day feeling absolute despair, drugs 1, spirit0 At times, in this state i’ve by chance seen by looking out a window or looking through photographs or even turning on the TV,, children playing in their backyard , a mother holding her baby , a man telling his wife he loves her , people helping each other. Any of these things or the like that remind me, that my spirit is worth so much more, that this is all really in my mind ,
And if i can just hold these images and these feelings, both the inspiration and the despair then i’ll come out wiser from it and appreciate the world , everyone in it and myself all the more because of it. If nothing else i hope i can help people realize that, I hope i can help them see the beauty in life and help them to find it in themselves that spirit that will inspire them to find that battleground and fight the fight between an overrun mind and the rest of a brilliant and shattered world.
And personally Dawn, i want to applaud you for your strength and for you winning your own battles and helping others with the fight for theirs, admirable. Cheers ,
good luck everyone and god bless!
February 16th, 2006 at 12:41 pm
Dawn, I found your website and i love it! i can’t believe the things that have happened to you. you are so strong. about the movie. I LOVE IT. Its an amazing story, i can’t believe that things like this have really happened, and you lived to talk about it. the only thing that confused me is this, David Lind told his side of the story and then john told his side of the story, who is right? they were very similar yet different. did you ever know the truth? i also wanted you to know that i think its because of movies that are real life stories that i never did hard drugs. it is a big scary sign over them. I’m glad to see that you are well and thank you for sharing your story with all of us. i will be sure to buy the book, i can’t wait to hear the FULL story of you!
February 16th, 2006 at 1:40 pm
I have seen the movie Wonderland many times and it seems that every time I see it I see or learn something different. I think that is it funny how 2 different people could have 2 different views on one series of events. I must say that I do believe that John was more involved then he admitted too. I do believe that he was in the house at the time of the murders, whether he helped or was forced to help I am unsure.
I do not believe that he went back to the house to look for drugs, even though he was quite the addict.
I loved this movie and I thought that Val Kilmer and Kate Bosworth did a great job. I also believe that Lisa Kudrow should have been nominated for some kind of an award for her portrayal of Johns wife Sharon. I would recommend this movie to anyone who likes true crime movies but also people who want a “thinker” movie.
March 10th, 2006 at 8:56 am
I own the movie Wonderland as it’s one of my favorites, when i first seen it I only knew who john homes was I had no idea about the murders until seeing the movie. I feel so deeply sorry for what you went through with john nobody deserves that. I few things I would like to know… were you really sexually assaulted by Eddie Nash or was that just added for movie drama? Also are there any other known pics of the wonderland house and victums other than whats on the bonus DVD? the photobucket site only shows the pics that are on the bonus disc. And a really stupid question what did they do with the stuff that belonged to the victims and is any of it known to still be around today?
Love and Chihuahuas,
Diva
March 11th, 2006 at 12:55 am
I just watched “Wonderland” tonight. Throughout the entire movie I kept wondering if it was a true story and if these characters are actually real people. So, of course I googled it and found you! I can not believe this story. I had no idea who John Holmes was or anything about the Wonderland murders. I was moved by the experiences you and Sharon Holmes had to go through in your life. I am amazed at how strong the both of you are.
I thought the movie was great. I was amazed how I caught myself thinking “Is John’s side of the story true?” Of course not, but I sure wanted it to be (only because I was unaware it was a true story). The movie was great and I definitely like how you had a hand in creating it. It makes it that much better. “Wonderland” is definitely a downer (but in a good way, of course) and it made me feel for you and Sharon both.
I hope you are doing well! Take care!
March 11th, 2006 at 3:58 am
I have owned this movie for awhile, and loved it. I never knew to much about the wonderland muders, so this movie really had a draw to me.
Dawn – Other than the book and the movie what else do you plan on doing??
March 17th, 2006 at 4:23 pm
I applaud you:
It takes courage to do this sort of thing, bearing yourself to the world. No matter who plays you in a movie it still had to have been tough.
I’d like to know how you came by your agent, and just how the producers came to you. In general of course.
Did you have a ghost writer with you in this endeavor, I’d like to find a agent or producer for my past. Any suggestions.
Tim….
P.S. This is one hell of a Blog……
March 18th, 2006 at 7:09 am
Just a few other things I’d like to know if you get around to answering….
Did you ever meet John’s other wife? I can’t think of her name off the top of my head but I mean the girl who also did films I think it was missy or misty(?) Also where are the wonderland victims buried?
March 19th, 2006 at 9:22 pm
sad, I’m very happy you escaped and are living a happy life
March 22nd, 2006 at 1:09 pm
i guess im a little behind the times. i had never heard of any of this before last night. first and foremost, i am so sorry that you went through any and all of what you did. how intense. i too felt compelled to look for you and the rest of the cast. i love all the crime movies and dabbled in forensics in school but a story has never hit me like yours. im not sure if your book is already out, thats my next step (looking for it), but i have every intension in getting it. i am completely blown away on so many levels. for starters the story itself and second that you reply. i love it! i think its great the way you reach out to people to all over the world and help them deal with their problems. strength, courage, hope and success and all the things you are. we should all strive to be like that.
like i said before i watched it last night and in the first 10 minutes the only thing i could think of was this all happened a month before i was born and i was just in awe oner it. i have been very fortunate to not have anything like this happen but i have had friend fall into the drug way of life and soon end up killing themselves so i can kind of relate. bottom line, you have my utmost respect and its good to see that you are doing to well. i wish nothing but the best for you, Sharon and Susan. good knows you deserve it.
kudos to you.
amy
March 26th, 2006 at 2:03 am
I’m embarrassed to say but when the film came out I had no interest in going to see it. Like many people living in Los Angeles at that time “everyone” heard of what happened up at Wonderland and felt its impact. In previous post I wrote about my coming to LA on a Greyhound bus and know firsthand that Hollywood is filled with a lot of seedy characters yet I also know of many wonderful people. I only watched the movie on cable “because” there was nothing else and found myself drawn into the story. I believed the actors which were chosen for these roles did a really good job. I also believe the script was well written and researched. It is very difficult to write a script because one has to condensed the information to give a better insight to those who may not know a 3 hour film requires 180 page script. I like films that make you get up and want to know what “really” happened and this exactly what happened when I watched this film. I wanted to know what happened to you in having a desire to “know” led me to this website. I too am a “survivor” of domestic violence. But unlike you I don’t have your courage to speak about it in a public forum so I applaud your courage. Your work as an advocate for domestic violence is inspiring. Domestic violence isn’t just associated with women but men also. I don’t have anything else to add to this but to say keep up the good work!
Alexandra
March 29th, 2006 at 10:52 pm
i just watched the movie again because it was on, then i wanted to know what happened to you so i looked on google and yeh
. but i am just 15 and i thought that was one of the best movies i have seen, well the storie was crazy, i cannot imagine what it must have been like. i mean i look at myself and the things ive done and think its bad, but what has happened to you is truely unthinkable, but i dont know it was a good movie except it just made me want to do more drugs, until later in the movie but yeh 
not that your gonna read this. i cant think of what to write i wanted to say a bunch of stuff during the movie but now i forgot!! well !!!! i dunno
elliot
March 29th, 2006 at 11:17 pm
Hi Elliot.
Yes I do read these posts even though I haven’t much time lately. I’m glad you watched the whole movie. It’s the ending that lets you know that doing drugs ISN’T what someone should do with their life. It never ends well.
Take care and be wise,
Dawn
March 29th, 2006 at 11:40 pm
Dawn,
Bless you…..what a story. I’ve seen the movie before, but my wife hadn’t…..& we just watched it!!!! I don’t want to drag you through any of the memories by brining them up…..I just wanted to say thanks……….are you a friend of Bill W. ????? I am…..3 yrs this past sunday…………………
Thank god for recovery…..huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m glad I got on tonight to investigate more into the story & happened upon your site…..it’s good to see people get their lives back.
Thanks…….& god bless,
James
March 29th, 2006 at 11:41 pm
oops…I forgot…………….I Loved it & definately related to the insanity of addiction………….Great job!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JAMES
March 30th, 2006 at 12:06 am
Great movie. Thank God you came out alive, got your life together.
March 30th, 2006 at 9:46 pm
I just saw the last hour or so of the movie last night, and was haunted and probably triggered by many of the situations. I am sober via the steps for over 7 years, also a survivor in the process of healing, and I was very excited to learn that you had experienced recovery and had been given the opportunity to tell your story. I feel a bond with you having read a little more about you and I join you in mind, body, and spirit in your goals to help women everywhere and to heal our world. I am just so tired. I’m really tired of working on this, tired of having the deep conflicts and the ptsd and the confusion about my perceptions and reactions . . . I’m so tired of not hearing what men are doing to change the attitudes that lead to violence against women. I’m tired of dealing with the effects of someone else’s behaviors. I’m tired of being told that I’m over-reacting! I just saw Eve Ensler’s new play and I highly recommend it and her organization to anyone interested in stopping violence against women. Thank you again for your courage and your dignity, you are an example to many, as you can see from these comments.
April 21st, 2006 at 3:40 am
Im not sure how anybody could not like the movie. I enjoyed it so much that I went and purchased the DVD (which includes very sobering and jaw dropping crime scene footage) the next day. I remember hearing about the murders when I was about 15 years old, and even read an article about it in Hustler magazine, but the movie in my opinion was fantastic.Stay strong Dawn.
April 29th, 2006 at 3:20 pm
I just watched Wonderland, seriously like finished it 20 minutes ago. It was fantastic, I loved it! I couldn’t even bring myself to press pause to use the restroom! But at the end when they were telling where all the characters ended up I just HAD to go google your name and figure out the title to your book. I am 16 years old and just recently I have been reading like a mad man. I started with Go Ask Alice, and then in just a couple months I have read a great number of fabulous books and I cannot wait to add yours to my list of favorites! I was also excited when at the end of the movie it said that you currently reside in the Pacific Northwest…so do I! Anyway the movie was overall nothing short of spectacular, Good Job!
May 2nd, 2006 at 1:03 pm
Hi dawn.
I´m from Canary Islands,a little group of islands near to the northwest coast of Africa.
I´m spanish,so I hope you can understand my english…
I will try to be brief:
Forgetting the bad moments that you spent with John,do you have any special memory of that time with him?,I mean,Do you remember some special thing He and You liked?(a movie,a special walk etc…),Or some thing you both liked to do?
And my last question: Which are your memories of the time you spent in Nash´s house?
Finally I wanna thank you for being so sincere and hope your book will be translated into spanish some day…
Thanks for your time Dawn.Greetings
May 9th, 2006 at 5:33 pm
I just want you to know I loved the movie. I also felt frightened watching it though. I just wanted to ask you when did you finally get clean from drugs and what kind of drugs was you taking? Also, have you been in touch with Susan Launius. And did you ever go to the court hearings?
May 10th, 2006 at 10:45 am
Hi —
I just saw the movie very recently on HBO. I’m surprised I hadn’t run across it earlier, as I’ve always been interested in the “dark side” of human nature. (Who isn’t these days, though?)
Anyway, the point being that I thought it was excellent. I was impressed with the cast — Val Kilmer was a perfect choice, especially, and I love Lisa Kudrow. I was surprised (pleasantly) with Kate Bosworth. To be perfectly frank I hadn’t been very impressed with her prior to seeing Wonderland — owing to her other movie choices rather than her character (as she’s portrayed in the media, anyway) or ability to act. I tried to read through some of the comments to see if you answered this already, but did you have a hand in picking the cast?
I found the movie very inspiring and extremely interesting — I am eagerly anticipating your book. There’s so much more to your story, I know, and I would love to read more in depth about it. I looked for you on Amazon under the working title you gave, but all I got was Alice’s adventures! I’ll be checking back here regularly, now that I’ve found it, to see if you have any news.
Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts as you continue to explore it — from what I read here you carry yourself with great elegance and compassion. You are a survivor, but you have certainly done more than just survive.
May 27th, 2006 at 11:32 am
Hi Dawn!
I just watched Wonderland and I really loved it. I didn’t know the whole story of the Wonderland murders because I’m french and I was completely amazed when I discovered it was true! That’s how I found your website and I just wanted to say I admire how brave you are. I’d love to read your book so I’m going to try and find it but I’ve no idea if it can be found in France.
Good luck with all and sorry if my english is bad!
June 2nd, 2006 at 6:03 am
Hi Dawn,
I –literally– just finished watching ‘Wonderland’; although I’d years ago read the basic story in a 1998 ‘Rolling Stones’ issue and was aware of this thing, it wasn’t until I got on your web site that it all became real.
Dawn, the point of this letter is that MEN can be victims of sexual abuse as well. This happened to my older brother and myself; to this day, we’re in our forties now, we cannot seem to attach emotional relationships to women. Pretty sad for heterosexual men. …….The crazy part is our inability to pin down the who/when/why of the abuse thing! In my case, it’s all come out in dreams that go back to my earliest childhood (for example: what five year old boy would know what an erect penis looks like? And WHY?!).
Male serial killers are not unlike porn addicts/sexual abuse survivors, only in that something has snapped within them that erases certain lines of distinction. Prior to Ted Bundy’s execution he blamed pornography for his crimes. …Not sure I buy that, but all this stuff definitely has a terrible effect.
I am a former psychiatric counsellor. I have been involved with the therapy of many, many sexually abused persons. True, the vast majority of them were female—-but I believe the reason behind the lacking male numbers goes back to our societal ‘Macho-Thing’. Hey, if you’re a woman got raped, you probably deserved it. If you’re a man….? Well, you’re a piece of faggot shit that probably wished it were a MAN. For real, this is the mentality!
Yeah, we’bve got a long road ahead of us…But we’ll stay on it, nonetheless.
Mean time, girl, you just keep going. Your words have been a real comfort. …
Jim
June 17th, 2006 at 2:39 am
Hi Dawn,
I love the movie, although sorry that so many people were affected by the true story. It is great to hear stories about how people turn their lives around after hardship. I have tried to find out about the woman who survived, I do believe at the end of the movie that she testified at the trial, is she still alive? I am intrigued as to whether or not she has turned her life around and what if any disabilities she many have.
Sharon sounds like a wonderful person and was portrayed that way in the movie. Have either of you ever thought of a movie about your lives not involving the murders?
June 24th, 2006 at 6:51 pm
Fascinating movie – great acting, horrific story. So many questions. Left me angry, sad, shocked and relieved that Dawn and Sharon escaped the influence of John Holmes.
June 25th, 2006 at 10:32 am
Thought it was a very powerful movie.I was just a kid when this happened, but vaguely remember it being on the news in Canada.It must’ve been very difficult to relive this event.To be the one of the only survivors, remembering the faces of the deceased, and of course talking about it with everyone, shows you to be woman of great strength and courage.Your only a few years older than me, so when I consider that we’re close in age, I find myself questioning whether I would’ve been able to even talk about it, let alone survive it.
Good for you Dawn.By the way, I’m sorry your adolescence was so “complicated”.
June 28th, 2006 at 8:41 pm
Hello Dawn,
I just wanted you to know I have not stopped reading this blog, I am going through some complicated things in my life right now and I did not want you to think that I quit reading your postings and I was wondering how your book is coming along, good luck!
Printess
July 6th, 2006 at 3:15 pm
I wonder if Jim…who posted comment on June 6th, has any idea why John Holmes became as sick as he did. I know he came from an abusive home. I speculate that Mr Holmes was not comforable with pronography, but used drugs to suppress this realization. It seems very tragic that it destoyed his marriage, any potential legitimate carreer, and eventually his life. Perhaps back in the 60’s we, as a society, were niave to how destructive these things could become. Are we still hell bent on destroying ourselves?
July 10th, 2006 at 9:31 pm
Dawn, I love the movie I just bought it on dvd which included a bonus dvd of the LAPD crime scene video uded in the court proceedings and also a documentary about Johns life where you and Sharon were interveiwed. In watching the clips of John and hearing his responses to certain ?’s I can see how you were drawn to him no matter how flawed or dangerous he may have been. He reminds me very much of someone I know who stuggles with many demons and has had much heartach in his own life and while he has at times become verbally abusivwe with me and at other times has used the threat of violence with me as a means to try to maintain control of a situation
July 11th, 2006 at 5:58 pm
I’m french i live in paris and i’m twenty ( i’m arab ). i love you and your history , the movie “wonderland” is the best movie than seeing with rocky lol so if you can i invite you to inscribe me in your msn messenger contact .
peace in the world
July 15th, 2006 at 3:04 am
Hi Dawn,
I wrote this on another site,but thought I’d add it here as well. I almost was there on the night of the murders,and it still haunts me. I worked at the Starwood,and was afraid of Eddie. I would talk to his club manager,Gary Fontinell,so that I could avoid him. I was asked if I wanted to go up to the house,as many others were asked before me,but I declined respectively. I thank God for my refusal. I can still remember the night I was introduced to Eddie. His eyes were damn deadly and cold. I shook his hand,nodded a hi,and left a moment later. My skin crawled. He wasnt always the owner of the Starwood,but i cant recall the date he took over. I worked there on and off for many years until it was closed,and loved that place with all my heart.
If you knew him,then you know what I mean about his eyes. I just wanted,well,..I just felt the need to touch bases with someone who had been a part of all that. I am so very glad you survived.
Take care,and Blessed Be.
Shiloh
August 10th, 2006 at 1:39 pm
Hey Dawn,
Wonderland was an AMAZING movie, i loved it.
I live on Mulholland Drive right by wonderland elementary.
I know where you guys filmed everything. Its basicly my favorite
move ever.
Alexis
August 13th, 2006 at 12:00 pm
Hi, I’m fifteen and I watched wonderland yesterday (LOVED IT!!!) and it is now my favourite film ever! I cant stop watching it now and i cant wait to buy your book, all the things you went through it gives me shivers let alone being my age aswell i know i wouldnt have coped at all and i am soo glad you came out of it all positively, you are inspirational Dawn! Sometimes in the film you seem so happy being with John i never actually thought (watching the film) he was violent towards you, are there any parts of your relationship with John you really felt happy or was it all too much?
xxx Mel xxx
August 15th, 2006 at 9:29 am
hi dawn! i just want to say that after i watched Wonderland, i really felt very disturbed about the entire movie. i don’t hate it…but the entire movie just simply burns into your mind…i couldn’t quite imagine how life for you had been back then because at 15, i was in school, studying whereas you’ve already had so much experience…things people tell me to stay away from! i wonder if you ever thought about the kind of life you were having with John at that time. i mean, i’m sure he promised you lots of good things or else you wouldn’t have stayed by his side. i’m very glad that you were able to find the strength to leave him in the end. What Sharon told you was true: that if you’d stayed with him till the end, he’d only have ruined your life along his. i’m wondering during the time that you were being interrogated by the police and you denied having seen the Wonderland place or Eddie Nash…what were your thoughts and what were you feeling. I wonder if you ever felt compelled to confess about what you know. i have so many questions and yet…i’m not sure if you even want to remember that time in your life. i just wish you luck and i’m glad to know that you have made a good life for yourself. i think it’s amazing that i can write to you after having watched the movie just two days ago. i think a lot of people are really curious about your relationship with John because in the film, you were really devoted to him, despite his addiction, his leaving you in the motel for days at a time and the film never quite showed John’s violent side. (i only read it a few minutes ago in your blog! ) i hope you’ll always serve as an inspiration to women who find themselves in abusive relationships. The best to you and i’d sincerely love to hear from you.
September 5th, 2006 at 4:42 pm
Dear Dawn:
I just found this this website, but I have seen the movie many times since it came out. I obviously am a fan of the film. If haunts me every time I watch it. I do not know how accurate Val Kilmer and Kate Bosworth were in their depictions of you and John, but they are great actors. I do not think the movie glamorizes drug use at all. In fact, it does the opposite. This movie has had the same effect on me that the movies “Kids” and “Bully” did. They make me realize how easy these horrible circumstances can happen to anyone.
Dawn, you are an inspiration to all who have suffered abuse and chosen to live instead.
September 6th, 2006 at 8:22 pm
hi
i just watched wonderland. i really find it terrible that you can see the original movie, from the crime scene made by the FBI, afterwards. that is REALLY terrible
September 22nd, 2006 at 1:46 pm
VERY MOVING AND BEING AN ADDICT IT STRIKES CLOSE TO HOME KNOWING THAT OF ALL THE DRUG DEALS AND DIRTY DEALS I WAS PERSONALLY INVOLVED IN MR. DEATH WAS ALWAYS LURKING AROUND THE CORNER. THOUGH DEATH NEVER CAUGHT ME, I CAME CLOSE A FEW TIMES. I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR 13 YEARS NOW. I AM BLESSED TO BE SO. I LOOK FORWARD TO READING YOUR ACCOUNT OF THE STORY. THANKS FOR ALLOWING A LOOK INTO THAT PORTION OF YOUR LIFE. IAM HAUNTED BY THIS STORY I SOAK UP ALL I CAN GET ON THE SUBJECT.
September 23rd, 2006 at 9:31 pm
I loved the movie! It left me wondering what happened to you… were you o.k. in your life and had you successfully overcome what you had experienced. I am so glad to discover that you are well and helping others. Blessings to you
September 24th, 2006 at 9:59 pm
I just watched Wonderland all the way through for the first time tonight. I kept catching it on this independent film channel after it had already started and I had been watching for it so I could see it in its entirety.
I love the movie and am inspired by it because I can relate for a couple of reasons. My father sold drugs in LA, where I was born, my whole childhood. When I got older, I sold it for him in San Diego where I grew up. I used but have been clean for 20 years. His addiction killed him six years ago but he made things right with God before he died and so have I.
I’m also a survivor of violence, including domestic violence which I have journaled since I was a teenage parent. My daughter just turned 18 and we are almost free of her father less one last court date on Oct. 13. I’ve wanted to turn my story into a book since I was in high school but wanted to wait until my daughter was old enough to understand for herself. Now she is and the only thing that is keeping me from moving forward is reliving the pain.
I just started a writing class and I don’t think it is any coincidence that I finally caught Wonderland just before it started and watched it all the way through tonight. You inspired me and I wanted you to know. I don’t know how you got through writing your book but if you can, I can and I’m going to remember that whenever it gets hard. I can’t wait to pick up your book. I haven’t even seen the front cover of it and I already want to thank you for writing it.
Thanks for writing about the conference you attended as well. I almost felt like I was there with all you strong women and wish I was. If you are even in San Diego or LA, I’d love to hear you speak.
Take care, Lord bless and keep up the fight for survival.
Adrienne
September 24th, 2006 at 10:42 pm
I am having a terrible time trying to find the book “The Road Through Wonderland”. Is it available? How can I get it?
Thank you
Maribeth
September 24th, 2006 at 10:43 pm
Because I will probably not be able to find my way back to this website, can you please just send me an email with the information?
Thank you
MB
October 28th, 2006 at 2:16 am
Dawn
As parents of a 4year old daughter, my wfe’s first comment after the movie was over was to be terrified of the thought of our daughter to somehow end up in such circumstances. From your perspective, what could your parents have done differently to save you from that experience?
Also, given the circumstances surrounding John’s life post Wonderland (contracted AIDS, knowingly exposed actresses/actors in porn movies afterwards, continued crime in FL), I am struck that Sharon did not come forward with her revelation of John’s visit to her the night of the murders if for no other reason than to corral this psychopath and stop his self destruction from involving unknowing persons. Any comment?
All in all, a very good movie, and best regards.
November 4th, 2006 at 6:21 pm
i watched the movie … and i have only one question : was he (John I mean) so fascinating ? I mean …you fell in love with him for years … why?
which things made you his girlfriend ?
at the and of the movie i was a little bit sad …
thanks you in advance
bye
M.
December 13th, 2006 at 11:22 pm
Hi Dawn
I have now watched the movie twice, which I am glad I did because there is a lot that I missed the first time seeing it. All I could think the whole time was that poor girl, I just wanted you to run away, its amazing the power of the heart, do you honestly believe it was the love of John that was keeping you with him, or was it something else that kept you hanging on? I find it hard to believe a real person was actually living that life at age 15. I’m so glad to see that you are happily married now with a daughter and now all you have left are memories, do you see them as good memories or bad memories???
Sorry to have asked so many questions I am just fascinated.
Regards
Sheree
December 17th, 2006 at 4:42 am
Hello,
I stumbled onto this sight doing research about Eddie Nash. I own Wonderland on DVD and have watched it several times. Is Eddie Nash still alive? I can’t seem to find a solid answer on this.
I think it’s pretty amazing he was able to get away with so much in his lifetime….it’s kind of mind boggling to be honest.
December 29th, 2006 at 10:50 pm
Dawn,
After watching the movie I flashed back to an education class I took in college that dealt with predictors of drug use. The #1 concern was young teens dating older people…in this case younger girls with older males. Time and time again, and I believe was in your case, young women are misled by older men who are messed up/
January 18th, 2007 at 10:21 am
Dear Dawn Schiller,
I have only just recently seen Wonderland but have watched it over and over……..not out of morbid fascination, believe me, but for the eerily similar paralell between your experiences and my own. I don’t know how much of the movie is factual and how much is fiction. But the part where Sharon says (not a direct quote) to shove it in a box and put it in a closet and never look at it again….I did that. I have NEVER talked about my experiences to anyone. But I have made bad choices in men all my life: I am now 47 and just recently broke away from a crackhead, one in a string of losers. I hope this is a turning point for me. I honestly can’t explain it, but it seems almost therapeutic to reopen the box and re-evaluate my past years for some unknown reason. As a teenage runaway I had been mixed up with many questionable characters by the time my abusive boyfriend committed the horrific murder of a disreputable businessman and he had been using me as a pawn; although I did have the gumption to leave that town I did hitchhike to see him in prison a couple of times after he was convicted. In my young mind his version of the way it transpired had to be true. By the early 90’s I had landed an excellent job with a major company but my choice of men proved to be my downfall, and in the 3rd year of the millenium I lost everything and ended up homeless through bad association. Its an insane story
( would have made a great movie in its own right )! I am now just getting by, and have had an awful lot to think about. I am highly intelligent and should have done so much better than I have. I don’t know, seems an unhappy homelife as a child made the streets look so much better, but there are sleezes out there who are very impressionable on a young mind and it seemed to set the pattern. Its true I am now trapped in a mediocre job in a city I dislike, but on the other hand I am one of the lucky ones. And I feel a strong bond with unhappy teens; how I wish they all could listen and learn! But unfortunately,I know that there are many who will simply have to experience the brutal truth themselves…I was one of those, although I did have a mentor whose support most likely kept me alive. Anyway, I do applaud you for being able to share your story and feel I have so much in common with you. I have a high regard for you, Dawn.
January 29th, 2007 at 2:46 am
Hello Dawn,
I watched this movie for the first time last year one night. I came across quite by surprise and from the start I loved it. I couldn’t stop watching it. I’m 23 now but from the ages of 17-20 I was into the downward spiral of drug addiction. I fully quit drugs at 20 so I’ve been sober (almost) 4 years. Watching this movie I saw so many things in YOU (or Kate Bosworth, whatever) that I saw in myself. This movie is heart-wrenching, heart-breaking and at times difficult to watch. Not for the brutality of the murders but watching lives being wrecked by something so small, yet so big at the same time. How any critic can say that it glorifies drug use is appalling. Watching it I’m thankful that I am not in that scene anymore. Watching them in the living room freaking out and shaking about not having any drugs reminded me of how I used to be. I bought the movie the next day after watching it on cable. At the store I ended up talking to the girl who worked there about the movie for a good 15-20 minutes. We discussed the whole movie and even the critics idea of it “glorifying” drug use and she said if anything they should show this movie to high schoolers about the REAL dangers of drugs. Anyways, super long comment I know, but I just want to let you know I loved the movie. And you are truly an inspiration. You turned your life around after all that you went through. If you can do it, anybody can.
On a different note—I can’t find your book anywhere! Is there a website I can go to so I can purchase it??? Also, go to my myspace if you want and look under heroes. You will see your name.
March 1st, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Hi Dawn,
I mean no offence whatsoever by my comments, but I saw the movie last night and just could not bring myself to say that I liked it. There is no real reason for this, but I just dont think that the movie companies should have wasted their time making a movie about drug dealers/users getting killed. I do understand that it wasnt completely what the movie was about, but for some reason for me it just didnt “click”.
Im my opinion the victims of the wonderland murders deserved what they got(even though it was probably a little to harsh) because there were nothing more than theiving drug dealers/users.
However after saying that I am extremely glad to hear that you now have a family and have turned your life around making it better and are helping people benefit from your expirences
I wish you luck and good health for the future
March 3rd, 2007 at 12:09 am
Dawn,
I know this is about three years late, but I wanted to tell you that I really liked the movie. I have seen the movie 5-6 times and just bought it the other night. Congratulations on all of your achievements since, and I wish you continued success on your personal journey. When I see the movie, I feel a real sense of loss because these were real people, not some construct of Hollywood. The late 70’s and early 80’s where a really crazy time. I am glad that you and Sharon have come through it. No one should have to be in that situation at your age, but it is eay to become sucked into the lifestyle.
warm wishes
dave
March 3rd, 2007 at 12:16 am
WOW! I watched Wonderland…and I’m STILL wiping away a steady stream of tears. First of all, I think the movie was filmed very nicely-the cinematography was great-very enthralling…But more importantly, I think that I related to both your story, as well as Sharon’s…and it really hit home in a way that’s completely NEW to me. And I think that, after reading about the way you chose to move on and, not just overcome your painful/traumatic experiences, but you chose to become an advocate and really make a profound contribution to society (and more specifically, women!)…I’m really very inspired by you & your story. I think you are amazing to have experienced the things you did & to have risen above it all to “SHINE” so brightly in the lives of others! GOOD FOR YOU! Until several hours ago, I had never heard of you (in fact I’d never heard of ‘Wonderland’ at all….the tv guide said Val Kilmer Playing John Holmes-so I knew it would be worth watching)…and now, the tears are still flowing, and I’m going to go buy your book tomorrow!!!! Thank you for sharing your story…thank you for sharing your strength. You are an amazing woman and your story has inspired me to be strong throughout my recent (all too similar) difficulties! Thanks again. With deepest regards, Stephanie….Port Angeles, WA
March 8th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Dawn!
I loved the movie. It was so real and it really made a impression on me. I have to say that I admires you, it was a great step to bring John in. You are a great person! I’m not sure that I would have give my love up, but you really did the right thing. I have to say that the cast was good, what do you think, are you satisfied?
You have made me a little bit more well informed, I had never heard about the wonderland murders before. But in my defense, I was born in 1987 and lives in Sweden
Take care of your self
p.s I really like your name
March 16th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
I recently saw this movie on IFC and TiVo’d it. I am a movie buff having a hard time finding good movies these days, inparticular a movie based on actual events that I learn from at the same time entertained and facinated with. This movie was excellent. Well done, well acted and the piecing together of that terrible night from a polices point of view (dealing with “who’s protecting themselves and who’s telling the truth” with the REAL TRUTH somewhere in between) was a brilliant story telling method. I’m sorry, I know for you that this is well more than a movie and do not mean to trivialize what seem’d to be a horrible period in your life, but this movie really did make me see this crime in a different light. I remember when I was young hearing of the Wonderland Murders, and often from time to time would see specials or updates on the news. When “Boogie Nights” came out I was looking for THIS STORY and ultimatley was disapointed that it was a bit more tied down or afraid than “Wonderland” was. In conclusion, the movie brought me to this web site and I will be interesed in reading your book. I’m glad that we find you well and happy with a beautiful family, not many made it out of the “80’s” way of life. Thank you for your part in telling this story, It was a small clouded piece of my past brought to light. I wish that other True Life Movies would do that. Thanks
March 17th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
Hi Dawn,
I just watched the movie. It was very difficult considering it is a true story. I am so happy that you got your life back. You are a very courageous woman. I am a socialworker; & I have worked with survivors of abuse. I cannot tell you what a wonderful inspiration you are!
I applaud your honesty & compassion. Thank you for turning a horrible ordeal into a positive learning tool for others.
All the very best to you & your family
Alexandr-K Bouchard
March 26th, 2007 at 7:18 am
Hi there dawn this is the first time i have ever wrote to you. i found your site a couple of weeks months ago and have been reading everything on here i mean everything before i rite to you. i just wanted to say how amazing you are to me and you are an angel and i really look up to you. i just cant help noticing that you have stopped writing back i don’t now if anything has happened or you are just busy but I’m concerned. so if you get the time please can you drop us a reply and let us no how you are, your family is and how the book is going because its 2007 and i still cant find it so i guessed it took a little longer than expected but i think everyone understand what tuff time you must of gone threw to produce it and think back carefully at your memories.
you are 1 in a million hope to hear from you asap.
all my love Sam UK. XX
April 17th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Dawn: This is the first time I’ve written although I certainly admit to a morbid fascination with the whole case. Are you still working on your book, and if so, when can we expect it to be released? Like everyone else, I’m trying to get my hands on a copy of Four on the Floor by the police officers involved and it is difficult to find. Promotion of the book will bring back all of the memories but I’m convinced publishing it would do any number of people a great deal of good. All my best and God Bless you and Sharon and your family………………..Carol
April 18th, 2007 at 4:17 am
Dear Dawn,
I hope that does not trivialize your experiences, but WOW- Wonderland is an excellent movie. This I can say from experience as I watch around 30 movies each week and have several hundred on my shelves. It was a very well put together, well casted, and especially well scored movie. Maybe it’s a little off the beaten path, but I make everyone that I meet watch this movie. Perhaps it’s just the naked honesty of life experience that makes this movie so compelling, or the fact that in so many less tragic ways this could be the story of our own lives, temporarily blinded by the immediate. The most interesting thing about this movie to me was the relationship between you and Sharon which seemed like a story that had much more to tell than the movie did. I have only just found this site and have not had a chance to read the hundreds of comments until now. I could just sense that if this was true to life, the scenes with you and Sharon held much more than the directors could get into in the time that they had. In the end, I am glad that you got away. We’re so used to seeing Val Kilmer as the good guy that we may forget that this in fact happened, and that John was not as heroic as we may want to believe given the casting of a typically good guy. I hope that all is well with you and yours. If I had one question to ask- and forgive me if this has been asked a thousand times over, but what was it that made you finally turn John in?
Chris
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:08 am
Hi Dawn,
I just watched Wonderland yesterday.
I really enjoyed it, however, horrible for the things you went through.
I’m so glad you survived it.
April 28th, 2007 at 11:31 am
I think that it is one of the best movies of all time. I have watched the movie several times. I have also done my research, and find it to be accurate. And with my own foray with drugs, I know what kind of situations that it can put you in. It is remarkable that you made it Thur it all. I wish you the best of luck and look forward to reading you book.
Josh
May 15th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
Wow … I can only say good for you!
It’s great to see that you still have a relationship with Sharon. I LOVED the movie, it was really intense but very real. It’s great to see that you persevered ..
Blessing for Sharon …
Best
Devon
May 30th, 2007 at 2:41 am
Hi there, I’m a 25 year old guy from Wisconsin. I’ve always been a huge fan of movies ever since i was a kid – whether they were “based on a true story” or not, i always thought of movies as either a learning tool or for pure entertainment. And there have been movies that were both.
Now I love movies that have a certain sense of realism and/or hyper-real feel or story telling to them. And i definitely found that Wonderland was just that. It stands as one of my favorite films. But as I’m sure there had to be bits and pieces that i’m positive were fictionalized for film sake, but I really loved the film and found it captivating and fast paced…visceral and made no apologies for showing what they meant to show – visually and story telling wise i thought James Cox did an amazing job bringing this story to the light and giving as much insight as possible — after hearing before hand that it was based from real events, i did mountains of research on the story before viewing the film….
I was born August 23, 1981 – so to be born the same year, 2 months after the murders, i had to sit back and be like, “Whoa”. I mean it did blow my mind a little.
Probably the most intense scene for me was the culmination to what had happened that night. I mean just the combination of sounds injected in the scene, on top of the violence that was filmed way differently that it just totally shook me up. Everything about that scene was very unnerving and intense. It even gave me nightmares for a bit. But I will always remember Wonderland as one those films that really struck a chord with me. Every movie i see i take away something, some kind of lesson or moral of the story – just something that made me think. And that’s what Wonderland did, it showed me a totally different side of the human condition – a violent, wild and crazy side, yes. But also the loving and romantic side – that unique bond and relationship that you and Sharon have, that’s one that i took away being something i didn’t know could happen. In the movie it was portrayed as you and Sharon having a mother-daughter relationship. Which i thought was very interesting.
But like i said before – I hold Wonderland as one of my all time favorite films.
Much peace and love and prayers to you and yours –
~ Phillip
June 3rd, 2007 at 10:38 pm
Dawn,
To watch the movie Wonderland is hard for me to watch but impossible to turn off, i myself have been involved in a relationship full of lies, deception, and drugs. The movie is like an unexplained deja vu…not that I’ve been involved in any murders but my ex-boyfriend and his friends were very much like the Wonderland Gang, he was 24 and I was 16, to watch this movie its my biggest fears and worst nightmares on screen I always was frightened that when he would leave something horrible like WONDERLAND would happen..fortunatly I found out i was pregnant within the first 6 months and decided to go back to my parents and have the baby. My son is now going to be 7 in September and he is my best friend, his father has not seen him since the hospital but I am OK with that! I am very successful in my career and we are independent and living life to the fullest..the hardest thing for me was kicking the drug habit…i always did my work and payed my bills and took care of my son so I thought it was ok…but I recently turned 25 and had a terrible nightmare that my son would grow to be like his father and maybe even worse, so I am proud to say since that night I’ve been drug free and attending meetings to help with a strong recovery..56days of clean and sober living and never expected life to get any better but it has gotten so much better for my son and me! When ever I feel like I miss using I watch Wonderland and it curves my cravings!! Thank you for telling your story.
June 4th, 2007 at 2:10 am
I too have seen this movie numerous times and still am astonished that Eddie Nash was never prosecuted. I understand the love then the realization of what level it had taken you. Happy that you have come to the place you are now. Best wishes
June 4th, 2007 at 3:04 am
Just finished researching one of your links and i just read about Nash’s plea. Happy that he finally admitted that!
June 4th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Hi Dawn,
Just watched the movie Wonderland last night with my husband. I had heard about those murders back in the mid 90’s just don’t remember how, the movie makes it more real and in one word, WOW! Makes you want to run from that world, not into it!
June 5th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
I have watched Wonderland many many times, and have got friends to watch it too. Its one of my most watched movies. I would like to say a favourite, but I’m not sure that is the right word for something that was so horrific. I’ve read and read things about the wonderland murders, It doesn’t seem a very publicised story. I live in England which might explain the reason that I don’t know anybody who remembers the murders.
When i was younger My mother had an abusive relationship, where me the child went through things that i can’t talk about. It’s hard and I’m still not out the other side. I read Dawn’s blog about the night she ran away from her abuser, believing no one would trust her, I felt the same for a long time, and only recently has my mother found out about what i went through. I hope I find the courage that you found Dawn.
Jodie
June 13th, 2007 at 11:35 pm
Hi Dawn,
I just got done watching the movie on cable and thought it was very well done. You certainly lived through more than your share of violence and pain. I am happy that you are now doing well and I wish you continued happiness!
I look forward to reading your book.
Take care,
Chris
June 14th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Hi Dawn,
I can’t get that movie out of my mind. I have watched it several times and even saw it again last night. I grew up in the valley and was about 19 when the news hit the airwaves. It was amazing to be so close to home. I was wondering if you stayed in touch with Eddie Nash throught the years. Or did he you? It is amazing to me that through all the drugs and stuff he is still alive. I am glad to see that you are well. Thanks for creating this blog and happy to see you got out!!!!!
Mike
June 15th, 2007 at 11:08 pm
Hi, Dawn.
I finally saw the movie and was first, fascinated by the plot, but then floored when I reminded myself that it was in fact based on truth. I can’t imagine going through what you went through at that age as I am the age you were during the murders now. I am so glad you got through it, and am sorry John didn’t. My best to you and Ms. Holmes.
July 9th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Dawn
I just finally got to watch the wonderland movie. I was just wondering if you knew about john going over the sharons house the morning after the wonderland murders before you fled to florida with him. I loved this movie it moved me very much. I was also curious how ron and john started into business together and if you ever went over to the wonderland house prior to the murders? I know this is alot of questions and you dont have to reply of course Im just so facinated by the life you lived and since it didnt go to much into your side of the story I was just curious. Thanks and i m glad everything worked out for you. Oh yeah…and do u think the wonderland gang deserved what the got??
July 10th, 2007 at 9:34 am
Dear Dawn,
i discovered this site today. funny it seems that you’ve had it for sometime but in recent months i had done some googling and had come up with nothing.
so being a little late, i’d still like to let you know that Wonderland is in my top 5 favorite movies. i own it and i honestly could not tell you how many times i’ve seen it. let me just put it this way, i speak along with the dialogue. the soundtrack is AMAZING and i think the story is well put together and there couldn’t have been a better cast put together. it’s a beautiful movie and i’m emotionally attached to it.
“our darkest times can become our greatest gifts”
kriss
July 15th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Hi Dawn,
I recently bought the movie Wonderland because it was on sale for $1.49. I have watched it 3 times. I love the music, and the style of the movie. Normally, it’s not really my type of movie, as that “scene” is totally not me, BUT there’s just something about the time era, the music, Val Kilmer, and the curiosity of the story.
Anyhow look forward to reading your book ~ please update me when it’s available. Thanks.
Sincerely, ~Jovette
August 15th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
I don’t know what to think about Wonderland anymore. It’s entertaining and well-made, well acted but it only skirts on the most important issues of your story Dawn.
There’s no getting away from it. People have a morbid fascination with John Holmes and the lifestyle depicted in the movie. We want to see that death spiral to distance ourselves from the horror of it but still we are kept a safe distance away.
We want to hate John Holmes after reading what he did to you Dawn but we also want to deify him. He was the King of that tawdry world for a while. I looked at some old previews of movies he did in the early and mid seventies at Something Weird Video. I can’t believe he was only thirty two years old when he hit bottom with you. He looked like an emaciated old man in those old porno flicks.
At the end of it all I feel sorry for John Holmes. He came from violent, abusive and very poor circumstances. He went from a minimum wage warehouse job to notoriety and relatively easy money making porn and it seemed he couldn’t go any other way even if he wanted.
There’s no getting away from it. People will be fascinated with John Holmes for a long long time. But I have to believe that most people will eventually come around to seeing the truth about the man, the world and times he lived in, what he did and why.
August 15th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
I forgot to mention that I used to know some guy who at one lived at that apartment court that John owned in Glendale I think it was. He knew Sharon as well.
He said he used to hang out with John riding shotgun to places where John did “business”. This guy said he had no idea John was in porn until other people at the court told him. John told him he was a stunt man.
I think this guy was hanging with John to score pot or cocaine but that’s just speculation on my part.
August 16th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
Iloved this movie.I have so many questions about it. I guess the major one is did John participate willingly, or was he in fact forced. In the movie it leads me to think it might have been both.
Also was it true that John really had a 1500 a day coke habit at the time.Another thing I heard was that there is a weird Liberace connection to all of this. I s it true that Liberace’s friend, I think his name was Scott Thorinson was at the Nash house when John was being assaulted by Nash and his guys.
Lastly,I have become interested in the wonderland gang as to what thet were really like. In the movie each is given lots of character, and I just wondered what you thought about how they were portrayed.Sorry one more question , do you think the idea of freebasin the coke was a factor in the acceleration of events. You are very kind and brave to answer these questions, because of the fact that this and was yr life that we ask about. I new someone in LA, and although I was 12 when this happened , I have always been wanting to know why, and how. I asked him what was Wonderland , he said a drug deal gone bad. Thank you again Dawn
August 17th, 2007 at 10:09 am
Hello Dawn,
I just watched “The Wonderland” last night with my step brother. I did like it. It taught me a lot too. And I felt sorry for you seeing what you had to go through. Now I can see what really drugs can do to people and to those who are close to them. I am just sixteen years old and I already tried smocking when I was only nine and a half, but I managed to quit; quit by my self it was great accomplishment for myself too. (I’m sorry for errors but I’m not American, I’m Russian, and I lived in Russia for thirteen years. So I’m not that great in spelling english words.). And I think if John would have not done drugs and staff like that maybe he would have been a good person too. I think. I think all people would be if they stoped doing wrong things. Well that’s about it.
Sincerely,
Yaroslava
August 17th, 2007 at 10:19 am
Hello again,
It’s again me, Yaroslava, and I would like to ask about your dog, Thor. What happened to him?
Sincerely,
Yaroslava
August 26th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
dawn, your story is one of survival. I loved the movie and the best thing about the whole story is how you and sharon stuck together and now you help her. It warms my heart.
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:18 pm
Dawn, at first I thought Wonderland would be more of a story about John’s life/career as a porn star. But to my relief it wasn’t. In short, this is a great movie about the Wonderland murders that I’d heard a little about while growing up in Sacramento, California. After hearing what you went through you should definitely consider yourself a real survivor. I hope you don’t take offense but what John did to you was simply criminal, he should have been locked up for that alone! It’s great how you and Sharon have been able to remain so close, that’s really a story within itself I’m sure? I heard Sharon is sick, I hope she gets better. As for the book I’ll be picking up a copy soon. Best of luck!
September 10th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Very touching, very powerful. I was curious as how accurate the portrayal of the characters were. John Holmes appeared as a whiny pathetic loser. Now I’ll have to buy your book to fill in the blanks. Good luck to you, Sharon and your families. May God bless.
September 12th, 2007 at 8:01 am
I’ve seen the movie Wonderland about ten times, and i’ll keep watching it every chance I get. It was one of the best movies I have ever seen. I did a lot of research on John Holmes prior to the release of the Wonderland movie and was always interested in his story. Val Kilmer and Lisa Kudrow do an amazing job. Great movie. I loved it.
September 21st, 2007 at 10:59 am
Dear Shawn,
I didn’t know about this wonderland (film and mordserie), till yesterday, when i watched this film on my pay tv chanel, i have to say WOW RESPECT, a very good movie, but I am sorry where you had to go trough everything, it must be horrible for you.
I am from switzerland (europe), is your book allready out in switzerland? And if yes, what is the german title? For a short answer i allready thanx to you now. Sending greetings to the states MICHAEL
October 1st, 2007 at 1:37 am
I just watched the movie about 15 min. ago and I’m sicked at the way John treated you and can’t believe you had to go through that crap! You are a surviver and keep on surviving Dawn!!!!
October 4th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
All I can say is WOW! That movie really got to me and I haven’t been able to quit thinking about it since. I am just on the Internet looking up all the different websites that are concerned with the information on the wonderland murders, and John Holmes and YOU
I hope that you are doing good God Bless you and Jade and Sharon
October 9th, 2007 at 9:20 am
I also want to say to Tara Marie,GREAT JOB and hang in there lady!!
October 25th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Hi Dawn,
I am so glad to see you have a website! I am 33 and have had a life time filled with Drug abuse and/or physical abuse at various times in my life. I first saw Wonderland 2 years ago with my then husband. He was very much a cocaine addict and physically abusive. I loved the movie from the first few minutes. I was 15 when I got into the drugs/bad relationship choices. I always and still do search for the bad boy. But this past year I left my husband (Oct,) we have a 4 year old son together. We stayed in a Women’s Transition house for a couple months then eventually I got a good job as a(my ex) died this past July from a dirtbike accident. He never changed his ways and always lived life by the seat of his pants. But I guess some people just do. So my son and I carry on. The great thing that has come out of this is while certainly not looking I found a guy or rather he found me and he is the most amazing person I have ever met. We just “click” in every way. Well he brought home Wonderland the other day (just one more thing we found out that we like the same!!) So I watched it 3 more times in 1 day!!
I tried to find a book the movie said you were writing back when I first saw the movie. Or did they base the movie already on your book. I would like to get one if you have written one. I believe you are an inspiration to women and I thank you for that!
Take Care
Lori
November 8th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
I loved the movie! Its chilling, interesting, and connects so differently with each person. I never knew about those events before I saw the movie because I am only 23…I only found this blog after checking IMDB to learn a little bit more about the people and event. It gives me chills to think of it, it’s amazing to think of what you must have lived through. This movie opened my eyes.
November 19th, 2007 at 10:45 am
Dawn:
I’ve watched “wonderdland” probably six or seven times. I know own it on DVD.
Having been at one time absorbed into a life of alcohol and drugs this movie and semi true account of the events at Wonderland Drive drove home of the ugliness of the life style I once lived. I think those of us that have recovered from drug abuse all have some house and acquintances that we remember being as being similar to Wonderland. I have spent day’s on end in that seedy, unkept, nightmare when feeding my drug habit. Waking up with a total stranger on a sleeping bag in the hallway and wondering if we just slept or did we trade favors for something else ? Not showering for days because the water was turned off by the water works department and using the YMCA as a place to shower, shave and go the bathroom without having to step over some girl that was passed out with a needle still in her arm and wondering if she’d be willing to trade favors for what was in my pocket. The smell of vomit from someone that shot too much “H” and didn’t have the physsical where with all to leave the couch to be sick. amazingly no one seemed to mind as long coke and “H” where in heavy supply. The movie was much like back into my own life through a time warp tunnel.
There where girls like you. Young, innocent, unprepared for what would lie ahead yet the acceptance by the gang seemed to be their first feelings of belonging to something, anything, or someone that cared enough to pay attention. It was tragic, and I saw this in Kate Boworths portrayal of you in the movie. I remember caring for a girl much like you who had experienced awful things with our crowd. I remember taking her to womans shelter and giving her the only $20 bill I had left as she exited the car. She would later go on to graduate High school and then become a nurse. Too this day she is now still a nurse in the ER at the local hospital.
I’ve been sober and clean now for over seven years and I’m enrolled in the local university for radiography technology. I often ran into this same girl at the ER when I drug seeking for pain killers. I couldn’t look her in the face and the last time I asked for demorol she refused to be my nurse and I was reasigned another. I got my shot of demerol and left with shame that would later be the catylist for seeking help.
I often listin the song by Gordan Light that was the last song to be played during the scene in the movie where you and John dust off down route 66 east bound for Florida. “If you could read my mind love, what tale my thoughts could tell” “Just like an old time movie bout a ghost in a wishing well” “In a castle dark, or Fortress strong, with chains around my feet, and oh that ghost is me” Gordon Lightfoot “If you could read my mind”
With Love
Scott (Scooter Boy)
November 27th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
I watch it as much as i can it might sound weird to you seance you lived it and it was no day at the beach.It’s just seeing what you went through and surviving really makes you think about the way you deal with everyday life people bitch and moan about the dumbest crap…Well i bet not a one of them could deal with what you did at such a young age..But i was once where you were just not with someone as famous as john and no where near as big lol and i walked away just like you,And it wasn’t easy so you are one of my ONLY hero’s in this world..Please tell your family including sharon you will always be in my prayers…
GOD BLESS Terra
January 4th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
My girlfriend and I have watched this movie a few times. It is excellent! I feel that you portrayed J.H. very well. I have been looking for the book ” The Road Through Wonderland ” but can’t seem to find it. I give 2 thumbs up to you and all who helped create the movie that enlightened all of us as to whom John Holmes really was.
January 7th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
I saw Wonderland quite awhile ago, and I have to say I found it deeply disturbing. It was one of those movies where I said, “what the hell did you make me watch that for” and was adament about never seeing it again. However, my friends loved it, and I have been subjected to it several times since then. They don’t understand why it bothers me so much. My mom was is a very violent relationship when I was growing up, and I have witnessed more than I care to remember. For some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about how brutally these people were murdered. It hit deep, thats for sure, like I knew them personally. That doesn’t happen to me often, as I am an avid horror movie fan and love true court tv dramas that show how murders happen and are solved. Maybe thats why this made me so upset, there was no justice in these killings, and it was very obvious who did it! I am glad you got out before anything horrible happened to you, I know you must have spent many sleepless nights in paranoia over what could happen to the two of you. I’m glad you are brave enough to share your story with us and take part in the making of the movie. One thing I cannot understand though, is how they put the LAPD video on the DVD. To me this was too much, and if it had been my family, I would have flipped out. There is no lesson to be learned from tying murders to entertainment when you show the actual video, in my opinion. Hopefully someone will read your words and be saved. Thanks for being a powerful voice on this subject, and God Bless.
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:07 am
I thought the movie was kickass. How did you work up the courage to get away from him and stop doing drugs? You are my hero. Were there ever good times with John? Were the parties and experiences ever fun, at the time?
January 26th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Hi Dawn
*sigh* where to begin.
I stumbled on your site more out of curiosity after seeing a link on Wikipedia during one of my down times reflecting on everything. It was nice to see your doing so well.
To address your original questions regarding the movie LOL it actually put me back in therapy. I guess in a round about way that’s a compliment because it was so realistic, most specifically Vals performance is like a time machine. The mannerisms, the button up dress shirt, the brief case that never left Johns side. All little things that are like flash backs to the person we once knew.
Yes it was disturbing like some of the other posters have already mentioned but it was also a very real portrait of who he was in some sense the dark side of John. I only wish people had the opportunity to know the other side of him who was gentle kind and giving. The side that no one believes existed, except maybe you. I’ve tried to convey that as much as possible during the interviews but most of it was left on the cutting room floor. No one wanted to hear about the good side of John, it doesn’t sell tickets. But I digress.
He meant so much to me as a child and young adult and many times was my only salvation during the chaos in my life that Bill fostered. Wonderland is small ways for me see glimpses of someone I think of often.
Thank you Dawn for consulting and for helping to bring those back to me.
All the best
SDA
February 5th, 2008 at 1:58 am
hi dawn, i hope you see this. I know this blog is old but i had never knew about the movie wonderland. I loved it aside from knowing that it was foreal and I am glad you are ok after all of that. Its very scary, and i don’t think know one can really know how it feels until they are in some dangerous situation. And like one of the other people who responded to this blog, after watching the movie I seen the letters on the sceen saying you wrote a book so i was on my laptop and looked it up right away. BTW this isn’t the first time i saw this movie, when i saw it, it was years ago and i was younger and didn’t pay no mind to it. lol. Well live life and be happy. ♥bye Dawn♥
February 11th, 2008 at 12:10 am
I was wondering why it wasnt statutory rape when you were only 15 when u were with him? Im also curious how you met him and befriended him?
February 11th, 2008 at 12:12 am
this site claims that even 16 is ilelgal:
wiki.answers.com
February 15th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Dawn, I have seen Wonderland at least a dozen times and just recently bought it. It is one of my top 5 favorite movies. I tell everyone about it,who has not seen it and they quickly become fans. The soundtrack is perfect as well. I cringe at the thought that you went through that, Our pasts build us into the people that we are today, good, bad or ugly. I’m pleased to see that it has made you a strong, productive woman that has moved her life in the right path after all you have been through.
February 21st, 2008 at 5:30 pm
I thought the movie was fabulous! It was well written and acted and had a great soundtrack to boot. I’ve been a fan of John Holmes for years and it was fascinating to see another side of him. The fact that an insider like Dawn was a consultant made the film even better.
February 24th, 2008 at 4:51 am
Hi dawn!
I just finished watching the movie a few minutes ago. At the end it talked about your book so i became curious and looked you up online…and the i stumbled on to your blog. The movie was given to me by my mother. She is a 36 year old drug addict. I just turned twenty, and she left when i was 15. Normally i find it hard to watch movies like that because of my mothers condition, but your character captivated me. I’m sorry that you had to go through so much, i know how easily one can feel trapped. i just wanted to let you know that the way you pulled through is such an inspiration. It just goes to show that no matter how much you go through there are always better day!Congratulations on your book and your life.
sincerely,
Trisha
March 23rd, 2008 at 11:41 am
i’ve watched wonderland about 6 times as of 5 minutes ago.
the movie is captivating and ironically addicting in it’s own right. i was curious as to how true the events in the movie were as “based on real events” is typically a loose term on Hollywood.
i commend the work you’ve done on the film and even more so for being able to relive those memories over and over again.
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:27 am
I thought it was a great movie i have watched it many times… i think its a trip how u went though all of that.. i just recently bought your book its great…just woundering why did u turn john in???
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:46 pm
hi dawn, just finished watching the movie..i thought it was a good movie.. i really admire you for being strong. honestly, i dont know john holmes but i think his story and yours as well were great.. i just love the movie so much.. you take care of yourself..and may the almighty god bless you always..:)
May 1st, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Hi Dawn,
Wanted to take the opportunity to comment on the Wonderland Movie.
I have watched this movie several times over the years. The actors in this movie are chilling to watch. I loved the scene where (you), get picked up in the park by a concerned citizen and subsequently go back to their home and are trying to get in touch with John. I don’t know how accurate this scene is compared to real life, but I think it gave an accurate concept of how transient your life was at that time.
John Holmes was an interesting individual and still has a hold on the public today. I don’t wish to say anything nasty about this person as I am sure we all have our own thoughts and ideas about who we think this man was. I will say this though. He had the “gift” of the “gab”, could “sell ice the Eskimos”, and you have to admire that. I don’t admire what he did with this gift, but he had it none the less. I also like his “Brass” in that he used to take luggage from the Airport. I bet he never ever got caught. Very clever.
As for the Movie. It’s in my top 5.
I MUST get a copy of your book.
All the best
Jane
May 1st, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Hi Dawn,
I just wanted to add…
Val Kilmar did a wonderful job on showing exactly how you were manipulated by John.
I think that most women have met men like this. They are charming and intoxicating, but have a side to them that never quite rings true.
I think this is why you have so many supporters. You are not a victim but a survivor.
You were only 15 at the time and I think that any young girl would have willingly gone anywhere with this man.
I applaud Val for portrayal of this person. He obviously is a method actor ( as also seen in his portrayal of Jim Morrison in the Doors movie ). This was an excellent choice. The other actors that played the Wonderland characters, including David Lind, gave an impression that these were indeed dangerous characters and not to be taken lightly.
I am not sure, but I believe that John loved you enough, not to involve you with these people. If I am wrong about this, then I am sincerely sorry. Whatever his motives at the time (and I’m sure we will never know), it saved your life. I remember seeing the bits in the movie where you were basically abandoned for days on end and through your addiction were a prisoner within the confines of your own space. No one was more aware of this, than John, who used it to his full advantage.
I also think that most people are fascinated by the fact, that through everything that happened to you, that you managed to go on and live a relatively normal life (assumption). You are a testament on how strong women are and how you have managed to cope for all these years. I tip my hat to you.
Jane
May 1st, 2008 at 7:42 pm
In response to Oleg,
I noticed that you made two responses in relation to statutory rape. This really isn’t the forum to address this issue and I suggest you have a look on some legal sites to address your questions. In the meantime, read on….
Most young girls at that age, are co-erced into sex and therefore believe (rightly or wrongly), that they, themselves are also to blame and therefore remain silent about the union.
Also the Police were after bigger fish at the time, and although you raise a fair question about Dawns age, I would almost guarantee that Dawn lied about her age to the Police. She was running on pure energy at the time and had been subjected to the worst sort of manipulation, to the point where she could not exist without Johns support. She would hardly have “dobbed” him into the Police. Also consider the fact, that the Police were probably dealing with massive numbers of unsolved crime and poor Police numbers and would hardly have the time to deal with a drug affected teen.
You need to put things into prospective here.
Also, consider the fact, that all those years ago, that the Police actually would have cared about such a crime in the first instance. I think not.
Consider the whole thing rationally and it will all make perfect sense.
Apart from that, visit some sites on the law that deals with these issues and stop making Dawn stand trial for something she had no control over.
May 4th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Compelling, tragic and heartbreaking. Dawn’s story within the story is what draws me back to this movie over and over again. Her survival and recovery give hope to other women trapped in similar circumstances. It is a constant reminder of how easily young naieve women can fall victim to the allure of drugs, violence and abandonment. I will always admire Dawn’s strength in sharing her story, and hope other women can overcome their situations and turn from victim to survivor.
May 16th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Wow Dawn….
You are an incredible survivor!!!!!!!!!!! I have watched wonderland HUNDREDS of times and finally decided to try and find you! I have over 10 years sober, am married and have 2 beautiful children. I am a FORMER addict and I just wanted to thank YOU for allowing the public to see that you can GO THRU ABSOLUTE HELL and come out better than ever!!!! I will continue watching wonderland….with respect for everyone who died…they are/wer people TOO, not just addicts.
Thanks Dawn!
May 28th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
WHERE ARE YOU DAWN!!!!!!!!?????????
I hope you answer this soon because I have a question I need to ask you and hope you will answer…. I WILL POST IT WHEN YOU ANSWER….. PLEASE. I NEED YOUR HELP PRETTY BADLY!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 5th, 2008 at 3:04 am
I absolutely LOVED Wonderland. You and I are the same age and I see alot of myself in you. I watch this movie all the time. Im kind of addicted to it for some reason. Im glad you got away from John before you caught aids. Ive been to places like portrayed in the movie. What a scary thing to have happen to you.
July 30th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Wonderland is a dark and disturbing film but it captures topics like addiction(in many forms such as drugs, greed, sex, etc.) but shows that even though people do horrible things they are still capable of loving and caring for other people while still doing horrible things because their moral copmpass is shot. And the fact that it is based on true events makws it hit home even more. As a recovering addict I have done many bad things(maybe not as bad as those in the movies but steps away) and this movie made me see what could have happened had I been rich and famous as an addict and not middle class…….the film made me feel for all the characters and that is what resonated with me most.
August 8th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Wonderland is my all time favourite movie, Iv probably watched it over 100 times .. living back in those days must have been so crazy, you probably seen so much stuff in your life, but its amazing that you changed your life right around after leaving john. You are such a strong person for that, I am watching your movie right now and I decided to search for information about everyone from the wonderland gang and yourself. I have been reading all kinds of sites for hours now it is so intresting and I came across yours, this is an awesome site. I really enjoyed reading it! You are an amazingly strong person, for everything you went through. Congrats on your book im going to go and order it now I can’t wait to read it. Im currently trying to quit using right now, its not that easy but I just moved to a new town last week and am going to start new, I havent used in 1 week today I know that sounds like it isn’t a long time but it is for me. It seems like forever I think about doing it everyday. I was used to be messed up almost everyday for like 3 years and Im only 20 years old, drugs make people do crazy things. I have made some really bad decisions in my life, and coke has such a grip on me now because of my silly mistakes, and its hard to break but im on the road to recovery. I left my boyfriend not long ago, he was a drug dealer, so I sorta ran away without telling anyone. I would love to meet you one day, you are such an inspiring person, after reading all this it modivates me to change my whole life, I just want to say thank you Dawn!
August 15th, 2008 at 7:52 am
Hey I respect everything you so much, It is brave thing to want to relive your life for the rest of us to see. I am sure other people will learn from your book and be motivated to change something in their own lives. I know their are still so many young women who let a man take advantage of them and use them, they are so scared to take a stand. I am sure you are going to help them in some way, even if it is just a Little bit, it is enough. I have also been trying to locate where Susan is I feel for her so much. I cannot get her out of my head. I pray that she could somewhat get on with her life, and put the tragic events of Wonderland behind her. It is not fair that one night should make every other night in her life hell. May god always bless her.
August 15th, 2008 at 11:59 am
I thought Wonderland was an amazing movie! I can’t believe everything that you went through and how you finally pulled out of it. I’ve watched it twice in the last week. It’s a really addicting movie. How closely were all of the characters portrayed in the film? I’m glad to hear that you’re doing well now and that you have a family. Blessings to you!
August 29th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Hi Dawn! Wow, is all i have to say. i just happened to get home from work and was skimming through the TV guide and nothing was on and i finally came across this movie called Wonderland..I read the info on it and started watching it.. at first i was confused and didn’t understand it and thought i had watched too much, and 15 mins in i was hooked. i wanted more and just kept watching.. and for me to be that into a movie is a lot lol. long story short i respect you so much by what you have gone through in your life the movie was amazing i loved it. i hope you are all as well as Mrs. Holmes. i may have missed it but im confused as to how you and John became friends and considering he had a wife but you were his girlfriend..? im still not sure how that ever worked out. anyways take care and again i respect you so much.
October 4th, 2008 at 7:03 am
Dear Dawn,
I hope you still read comments on all your categories,,,,they have some really astute readers. I have been writing on your latest post about the wonderful healing taking place in your life.:-) I thought I had posted a comment about the movie but I couldn’t find it so here it is.. You would not believe the conditions in which I bought the movie……I saw a trailer on another movie and it opened with “Hi I’m John Holmes” I had to see it. Though I had never watched any of his “works” before, the movie looked interesting. I don’t rent movies so I went to my spot to get the movie, came home, put the movie in and I have been “stuck” ever since. THE DATE THIS ALL HAPPENED—-JULY 1, 2008. I had no idea of the anniversary. (I still have the receipt) I was floored. Since then I have tried to read everything I can, my daughter is in college, to become a forensics spec. has had me help her prepare a presentation on Wonderland, (she received and A). The only thing missing is your book.
Update, we still do not know the date of my grand-daughters surgery, you seem to have a direct link to an angel,,,keep us in your heart.
Thanks for all you do.
Marty
P.S.
I thought the movies was great,,,my heart goes out to everyone that had to relive those moments.
October 4th, 2008 at 7:08 am
Dawn,
Just one quick ?? Why did they reverse the address on Wonderland in the movie? It’s not like it’s a secret where it happened…Just curious. If anyone knows, it would be you.
Thanx
Marty
November 26th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
I absolutely LOVE the Wonderland movie!! It’s one of my favorites. I just watched for, like the 50th time on IFC. I was thrilled when I saw it was on. As soon as it was over I logged onto the net & did a search of your name to try to find out where I could get your book. I’d love to read it!!
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:03 am
I own it, and loved it. I am currently doing a research paper on the Wonderland Murders. I wish I could find more information. I was thoroughly intrigued by the whole phenomena, of John, and the whole situation in its entirety.
December 16th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Liked it allot. Val was allot heavier than John but I guess he worked out ok for the part. I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s and remember John being a tall skinny guy.
Kate was great playing you. The actors who played Billy, Ron, Dave and Eddie were also very good!!! Loved the music too : )
Frank
December 22nd, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Hi Dawn,
I loved the Wonderland movie. Where can i buy your book at? Were you in love with John and do u think he was honestly in love with u?
December 26th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
I am extremely impressed, I have loved the “documentary” type films, Val has been in several, and interestingly even he is so well known, did not carry the movie for me at all.. His part was extremely well done, it was just that the rest of the cast/content was so intriguing.. My father has been involved in a variety of careers, and I have seen the dark side of humanity, and it’s effects on peoples lives.. I am so happy to see you recover and find that “survivor” aspect w/in yourself to not only continue on and Survive, but be creating and making a difference in our world for others to find support in. This foundational growth out of such chaos is something I find excruciatingly admirable. I wish You & Yours the best Holiday Season, and a Joyful New Year~!
My father’s website is Rebuilding.org. He passed away a bit over 10 years ago, but his legacy is ongoing thru his courses and books. I find great admiration for him as well~!
T
December 31st, 2008 at 9:11 am
hi dawn..iv only just watched the movie a few days ago..iv seen it 3 times already..it was a real powerful and disturbing film..i remember reports of the murders being shown over here in england in the 80s..and it all seem quite surreal because john holmes the porn legend was involved..but its only when i watched the wonderland movie that i realised how many lives were screwed up because of this incident..and it realy hits home how evil this drug problem realy is..its a tragic waste of human life..and i also cant believe how a bad dude like eddie nash never got his come uppence..it just dont seem right..is this guy realy still alive today…? dawn you are a lovely human being..a real beautiful person..i wish you all good things in the future…
January 18th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Hi Dawn – I am totally fascinated with the Wonderland murders and I am wondering where I can get a copy of your book??
February 16th, 2009 at 4:40 am
Hi Dawn,
I just watched the movie tonight. I know, I’m late. I was busy working my butt off back in 2003, going to school full time and working full time. There are lots of movies I did not get a chance to see so I’m catching up now.
I wanted to say, I loved the movie. I’m a huge fan of Val Kilmer. The best part about the movie though was reading that you turned out alright. I followed up with a google search of your name and read that you’ve turned yourself around and you’re now helping others. I hope to get my hands on a copy of your book soon. Your story is very interesting and inspiring. Thanks for sharing it with all of us.
Dawn
February 16th, 2009 at 4:59 am
Sorry, I did not think to leave a last name. I now realize how confusing it may be since we have the same first name.
February 17th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Dawn,
I was so affected by that movie. Especially when I hear that song and the end of the movie. It comes on the radio, and I get goosebumps. Anyway, I am a heroin addict and hiding it from everyone in the Real Estate community. I too fell into it becuase of a guy. The things we’ll do for love! I am currently trying to quit before I’m completely broke. I know I have the strenth, I just can’t seem to “tap into it”. I’m afraid to stop because I’ll get “sick”. I never thought I would be a drug addict, I know I’m better than this. I’m glad you got out. Wish me luck I’m going to need it…
-Roxanne 34
February 27th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Hello Dawn,
I was very fascinated by the movie. I have watched it countless times. It is one of my favorite movies. The first time i seen it i was just starting to get into cocaine i was about 18 years old. My habit ended up really bad to where i was very very thin like 80 lbs. My boyfriend and i did it on a daily basis. After awhile went by i ended up getting pregnant which saved my life because it was being pregnant which made me get off the drugs and out of that life. I was hanging out with bad people because my friends didn’t want to hang out with me. I see how easy it was to fall into that life and to hang with “that crowd”. But my son Connor who is now almost 4 is my angel. I tell him everyday that he saved my life. And i also just had my second baby, a girl. I love being a mother. I would love to read your book as well. Where can i find it? And i also wanted to say that i love the fact that you help with abuse and drugs and the fact that you share your story with so many.
March 30th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Hello Dawn,
I just seen the Wonderland movie and I thought it was amazing. I heard of the Wonderland murders before but never knew much about them until this movie. I was looking on line trying to find some information on them so I can form an adequate opinion of all the characters. I have always been judged, meaning people look at me and assume. I try my hardest not to. So when watching the movie and then reading the things on line I don’t know who I should sympathize with. I sympathize with John Holmes but I don’t know if I should. He seemed as if he was traumatized and hurt by the whole situation (I was stunned silent with the bath tub scene) but yet he did not testify against Nash. Then again I don’t know the back stories of the people murdered so I sympathize because in the end they died. I think it comes down to I live in a “nice world”. Drugs and stuff like this has never really been apart of my life. I think its just too confusing and ,for lack of a better word, crazy for me to understand.
April 1st, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Hi Dawn:
I just watched the Wonderland murders. I must admit to being very shocked with the amount of violence, although considering the class of people here, probably to be expected. I have been around people on drugs and dealers too. I thank the good Lord that I had the common sense and strength to get away. Of course I was not 15 or 18 at that time. To be fair, I was much older and able to stay away. Still this movie really fascinated me. This is such a terrifying and scary world that these people live in. If anything maybe those caught up in drugs or addicted, can find hope in changing their life. They can use your life story as an example of courage and hope. I may come across sounding judgmental and righteous, but I truly believe people who engage in making porno movies are really disturbed and have something missing in their character. Obviously it did end up destroying John Holmes — what a waste!!! But this is simply a very tragic movie anyway way you look at it.
I am very happy for you, Dawn. God must have looked down and wanted to save you for better things in your life. I am looking forward to reading your book. Again thank you for allowing us to come on board with our comments and questions.
April 5th, 2009 at 8:07 am
im from colombia, and i saw the movie maybe 2 or 3 years ago, but , i liked it, and in this moment im trying to get it again, to watch it, and i thing its a very very good movie
April 5th, 2009 at 8:14 am
hi, Dawn, i’m from Colombia, and i wacthed it 2 or 3 years ago, and i liked it, and now, i’m trying to get it again, because i think it’s a very very good movie, it’ s style, and the way to develop the plot, it’s one of the best movies i’ve ever seen
April 9th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
I JUST WATCHED THE MOVIE AND IT WAS GREAT. I WAS WONDERING WHERE I WOULD FIND THE BOOK.
April 24th, 2009 at 8:10 am
Dear Dawn,
I just watched the movie Wonderland for the very first time last week, and all I can say is WOW! What a life you have lived, and survived. I was very young when these murders took place, and only heard about them on shows like E True Hollywood Story as I am fascinated with true crime novels/stories.
The other accounts of this horrifying time in your life pale in comparison to this movie. What an account by some of the most talented actors I’ve ever seen in one movie. Val Kilmer is absolutely spell binding, and I was totally drawn into his portrayal from minute one. What a resemblance!
I am going right out to get your book ASAP because I would love to read more about your life. Good for you for making it to the other side of life, and alive to tell your story. Thank you for sharing some of the most intimate details of a hard life so candidly. It must have been difficult. I hope that this part of your life is blessed.
June 22nd, 2009 at 4:46 pm
You may get two replies from me, I put in the wrong security code on my comment, so here I go again.
I knew of the Wonderland murders when they happened, but I wasn’t aware that a movie was made until just last month. I watched it hoping it would bring some kind of closure to a part of my life that I will never forget. I thought the movie was very well made, it seemed honest and about as real as you can get.
Barbara Richardson was a very good friend of mine. We went through school together. As teenagers we partied a lot, she lived on the block next to mine so we were together all the time. In May of 1981, Barbara asked me if I wanted to go to L.A. with her, but she was starting to hang around with people I didn’t care for, they seemed pretty wild, so I declined. A couple of months later, I found myself staring at her picture on TV and hearing the newscaster report the incident. I pretty much callapsed on the spot.
My heart goes out to each and every one of the victims, and their families. My concern now, is for anyone who falls into the same lifestyle, willingly or not. This world is a scary place, and every day I see people drawn into the insanity.
Dawn, I admire the strenth you had, and have. You have done a lot with your life . . . . (big thumbs up to you)
I thought the movie was great, unfortunately, it didn’t bring the closure I had hoped for, but I’m sure, in time, there will be peace.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:21 am
I sent a comment yesterday, but it isn’t posted yet. I imagine they must have to be read through and approved before posting them, am I correct in assuming that?
I ask because the comment involved how Barbara Richardson and I were very close friends and that I feel very lucky for making the decision to back out of our friendship when I did. We stayed friends, and we still partied and hung out together, but less and less towards the end, (the last time I actually saw her was mid June of 1981) she had asked me a month earlier if I wanted to go to L.A. with her.
I feel like that was the best decision I ever made in my life. I haven’t made a whole lot of good choices, but one thing I learned from that situation, is to always go with your gut instinct. Imagine the feeling that overcame me when I heard what happened to her. I have yet to find a word that describes what went through my body. I don’t think there is such a word.
I have a question about the movie, which, by the way I have watched several times, I have very mixed emotions when I watch it, (for reasons that are quite obvious). I think the movie is probably very accurate.
My question is this:
I notice that in almost every scene, (maybe all of the ones that John was in) that he was wearing a white long sleeved shirt, but his shirt only showed blood when he had been at Eddie Nash’s house after he was beaten, when the murders first happened and when he walked up to Sharon’s house. When he left Sharon’s house, his shirt was clean. Did Sharon wash his shirt while he was in the bath? Even after he was beaten at Eddie Nash’s house, he walked up to the house on Wonderland with a clean shirt on! I’m sure, since he had no actual place to stay other than a motel room, that he had clothes in his car, but did he only wear white shirts? Was that kind of a trademark for him? Just curious, that’s all.
I also would like to tell you how much I admire your ambition for life as it is. You’ve been through a lot, you were being sucked into a very powerful whirlpool and not only pulled yourself out, but have continued to do well for yourself and have done so many positive things for so many others who have sadly fallen into that very same whirlpool.
Ironically, my name is Sharon and I have a daughter who has just pulled herself out of a very dark existence, including drugs, and other crimes. I am so very proud of her for doing what she’s doing. I imagine Sharon Holmes is also very proud of you.
Great movie
June 29th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Hi Dawn~
I recently wrote you (I am the one who was a friend of Barbara Richardson). Thank you by the way for your quick responce and kind wordsl.
I have two questions about the movie Wonderland.
1. Who is the man in the beginning of the movie that was banging on the door?
2. How did John have a clean shirt on when he walked up to the Wonderland house after being beaten by Nash? And 2. When he left Sharon’s house, the morning he took a bath? He was covered with blood when he left Eddie’s house and also when he walked up to Sharon’s house.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:26 am
I personally was hit like a ton of bricks by Wonderland and yes, connected DEEPLY with your story for I too am a survivor of abuse, drugs, violence etc. I believe that today is a day to observe the right to choose the Light…You are a source of Light in my life and thank you for sharing your story with us. I also think today is a day to remember where drugs and crime can lead to…its the same old story of the unstoppable force mets the unmovable object…alot of ppl need to remeber that there is a choice to live or to die, a choice of light or darkness…thank you Dawn for choosing the light. And for shining it on all the world. I love you,
Windsong
August 5th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
I love the movie!!!!! I felt sorry for u!!1 i cant image going threw something like that!! Cant wait for the book!!! Hopeing it will still come out!!!
August 14th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Hello Dawn,
I’m from Belgium (Flanders) and have just watched the movie (again) on dvd. Pretty powerfull stuff. It makes me sad that the movie is actually based on reality, that those horrible things really happened. It is however great to know that you came out alive out of that insane world, and that you are doing great now. That means there is still hope for all people, wich is a nice thought.
I wish you and your loved ones a long and happy life. You deserve it.
Alexander
August 27th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I’ve seen the film and enjoyed it – insofar as such themes can be enjoyable. It works as a dramatic piece anyway. I did a little checking and it looks like you’re about the last one left standing (and Sharon and Nash, of all people). Hell of a price you paid, and still are paying, really – this is not something someone would wish to achieve notoriety over. My condolances for your losses and best wishes for your future.
December 14th, 2009 at 2:12 am
Hey I watched the movie wonderland four years ago before I went to rehab and I did again tonight. The entire story moves me and after reading your bio I am glad to hear that you are clean. The whole story really gets to me as a former user, and the fact that four people arn’t here anymore because of drugs. Though I don’t know you I am very proud of you for having the power to write about your story. The world should hear about it and I am excited to read it this august. From what I understand of your story you are a very powerful person to be able to talk about this and I would like to congratulate you for that. Be well.
February 25th, 2010 at 11:55 pm
Hi Dawn,
Just came across your site and I’ve really enjoyed the small bit I’ve read so far. I reserve the right to ask you question or two later since I will be spending more time here.
I love Wonderland. I love the pace of the film, the way the story unfold through the different eyes, and I really liked most of the performances. Plus I LOVED the music in the film.
I also had done a lot of researching the true story over the years and I was really relieved that the film stayed true to the real story. Or at least the real versions that were told by the survivors.
I have lived in Hollywood for years, and I loved the LA feel of the film.
One question. I wasnt so convinced of Eric Bogosian playing Nash.
Did he do an accurate portrayol of the real Nash?
What did you think of the other performances in the film, and how they matched up with the real people?
I read where you talked about John’s wife, and from that description it seems that Lisa Kudrow nailed it. And I think she almost stole the film, she was that good.
Thank you in advance, and congrats on the years of sobriety!
Mark
February 26th, 2010 at 10:20 am
Hi Mark,
I think Eric did a great job, especially in the looks department. I hope you do post some more. I will try my best to respond. Thanks, Dawn
February 26th, 2010 at 8:48 pm
Hi Dawn,
Thank you for the quick response. After I started to browse the over 100 posts on this thread, I see that you already answered my questions about the other performances.
I have seen pics of Eddie Nash and Eric did look like him. I also read that Eddie’s wardrobe when he was at home was basically his speedos and maybe a robe. I had wondered about that too in the film.
I have to hand it to Nash. The guy managed to stay one step of the law, and last I read he is still alive and living in LA.
You are definitely a survivor Dawn. Being a 15 year old girl suddenly emersed in a world of drugs, attracting the attention of a ‘famous’ porn star more than twice your age who took advantage of you and abused you in ways that he should have been in jail for, being connected to a gruesome muder in Hollywood, you not only made it through, you seem to have really evolved into a well rounded, wise woman.
And you look great!
There are questions I have, but I havent read your book YET, but I see it’s on Amazon and I will be ordering it this week, so I will wait until after I’ve read it.
One thing I found, I saw a picture of you with Denise Brown at a get together for the Nicole Brown Simpson Foundation, but the story underneath was filled with errors.
“The Wonderland Avenue murders took place in July 1981 at Holmes’ house in Los Angeles. Schiller came home to find Holmes’ alone with four bodies that had been bludgeoned to death.”
It’s odd that this kind of thing still happens. The article goes on to talk about the dynamics of your relationship with Sharon, and some of the details of your life after the murders, but the above paragraph makes me doubt the entire article.
I wont ask about anything because you’ve probably answered it in the book or on line, but in case you are interested, here is the link to the article, and any comments you want to add would truly be welcomed.
http://www.lifeinthemidwest.com/dawn_schiller.htm
Take care
Mark
March 1st, 2010 at 11:18 am
I just bought the 2 disc edition of wonderland. It’s one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. I didn’t know that Holmes sang that song to you, “If I could read your mind”. Anyway, can’t wait for the book
May 8th, 2010 at 12:07 am
After all the dust settled,how long was it before you went out with another man on a date?Movie,dinner,sportng event,ect…..and did you fall in love again?You had a lot of drama to over come!was it weeks, months, years?When did you really trust someone again?Or can you?Thank you.
May 23rd, 2010 at 11:30 pm
this coming from a new generation as to yours Dawn, i saw it and loved it. Not what happen to John and yourself. but movie wise it was tragic and well acted/Directed.
Not really sure what was fictional compared to real life events but overall drugs violence go hand-in-hand most times resulting in death. So it didnt upset me when i saw the character played of you, fall apart as you were just a kid growing up around that crazy atmosphere corrupted by John Homles and driven by drug taking and living on the road.
I can go on and on. but it was well made and you life was very interesting back then.
June 5th, 2010 at 3:38 pm
This is one of my favorite movies off all time and I can’t wait for your book.
July 4th, 2010 at 4:51 pm
great movie…just curious if you ever spoke with Susan again?