ALL SOULS!
So it came to me, with Halloween and all the spirit-hype surrounding it, that we were nearing a day called All Souls Day. Traditionally in church, it is a day to pray for the dearly departed and so I decided to visit my Mother and Aunt to get the names of the long line of family that had passed before me — to remember them fondly and wish them well.
My Aunt’s house was spotless, as any good German would have it, and she poured coffee while she argued with my Mother in their native tongue about the correct spelling of their mother’s maiden name. As I stayed safely quiet at the kitchen table, writing obediently and perusing through my own past, John’s name, as it always does when I think of the dead, came leaping towards me, this time with a bit of a jolt. Immediately I wrote, John Curtis Estes Holmes on my All Souls Day envelope and just as quickly placed my hand over my bold scrawl, fearful my Aunt and Mother would see what I’d done and criticize me.
‘If they see this, they’ll kill me’, I told myself, knowing how much they disliked John for all his past cruelty. But as I cautiously looked towards them, I realized they hadn’t noticed my secret slight of hand, or that I’d even written anything at all — and then the calming voice of sanity reminded me that this was also a time of forgivness, relieving me of my moment of guilt.
The house on Wonderland flashed before my eyes…then faces. I removed my hand and lifted my pen. “Barbara Richardson…Joy Miller”, I wrote with purpose, then hesitated, remembering the men. On the anniversary of their murders, July first every year, both Sharon and I send a prayer out for everyone who died in that house on Wonderland Avenue. We have to, it’s something we can never forget. But the men — the lives they led — who they had been, still scared me.
‘Just do it!’ I thought pushing past my fear, and I bent to finish writing… “Billy Deverell…Ron Launius…AND…David Lind”.
There! It was done. As hard as I thought it would be, I blessed them. I remembered, thank God, that All Souls Day was a day to do just that, not curse them for what they’d become. ‘This has taken me awhile,’ I thought, ‘to come to this place in my heart’. But it was their spirit’s peace I hoped for, the very spirit that was cradled by their mother at birth…loved unconditionally through eyes that saw only the greatness that their child could be… like I look into my daughter’s eyes. This is what’s real…what’s important about a soul’s past…today.
Dawn
November 1st, 2004 at 8:26 pm
Dawn, You have gone above the usual remembering of the souls of loved ones departed. The ability to forgive is not an easy gift. You have done this in a most elegant way and with a grace that comes only with perserverance and strength.
November 2nd, 2004 at 9:48 am
Dawn, You are one big beating heart! I’am so glad you can bless those who have caused you such pain and anguish. I thank you for bringing all souls day to light for me and hopefully many others. Continue to be the beautiful spirit you are. Bless those we have lost, they will be remembered and missed. Bless those we still have for they will be our strength through our best and darkest days. God Bless You and Your Family!
Lesley
November 14th, 2004 at 12:26 pm
Dawn,
(I used to post as “Movie Fan” over at the now-defunct Lionsgate site).
I was so glad to find your website today! Your blog entry on All Souls Day is very good. You can either choose to hate people forever (and rot your soul) or choose to hope that they are in a better place… where they do not hurt either themselves or others.
You have always taken the “high road”… a great example for other people.
By the way, I hope your book is doing well, and I also hope that Sharon has recovered completely from her illness!
“MovieFan”
December 9th, 2004 at 9:48 am
Dawn, Can you tell me if Sharon Holmes has written a book yet?
December 23rd, 2004 at 12:43 pm
Dawn,
I noticed you said you wrote “David Lind” on your All Saints Day envelope. Did he pass away? I hadn’t heard much about him and the movie didn’t say at the ending credits.
Have peace in knowing that you are doing good things for people.
Happy Holidays!
April 30th, 2005 at 3:13 am
I want know where is currently David Lind? In the ral life? David lind is alive? What he do today in the real life? Please answer me!
May 1st, 2005 at 5:40 am
and what about susan launius? where she lives and what she does in the real life today?
May 2nd, 2005 at 6:11 am
It’s possible that we can’t find news about david lind and susa launius because they are testimony FBI protection? If no, someone knows what susan launius and David Lind do today in the real life and where they lives? Maybe it’s impossibile becasue they are also in danger? I thanks if somebody answer me!
May 2nd, 2005 at 2:53 pm
Antonio,
David Lind died of a heroin overdose in 1995. And I would imagine that Susan Launius just wants to lead her life and be left alone. I don’t think anyone needs to know where she lives or what she is doing today. After all that she went through she deserves her privacy.
May 3rd, 2005 at 6:38 am
Dear Jessica, I’only curious, I understand, It’s right and it’s normal that susan launius want live her life in privacy, I’m only curious to know if she is alive and if she now have a normal life with a family in the USA. God bless Susan Launius, Usa and all of us! Bye people!
May 3rd, 2005 at 6:44 am
And I asked about Susan Launius, because I saw “Wonderland” and I would know if Susan Launius saw this film and if she had a collaboration with film production. I’m just curious. I think It’s normal that I’m curious like a lot of people, becasue she is the one survivor after the murder. Anyway, I hope she was really fine and that she now has a very good life! Ciao a tutti.
Antonio from Italia (ITALY). Bye to all of you!!!!
May 6th, 2005 at 8:03 pm
Hi. I just watched Wonderland. I celebrated 12 years of sobriety this past Feb. I’m also a disabled vet and I’m recovering from a second revised amputation. I was in Berkeley CA during the time represented in the film and experienced similiar behavior. I’m a drunk, but anything was fair game. I later worked in Bellingham, WA, where I got sober, at an adult home for folks living with AIDS (most had mental health, addiction issues, and rampant abuse issues). I wanted to say that I thought the movie was heartbreaking. I’m very glad to know that you and Sharon are alive and well. I’ve participated in many “Take Back the Night” walks/vigils at WWU in Bellingham, and I hope the work you’re involved with has helped your healing. A.A. saved my life, along with intensive therapy, and I continue to be very involved with helping others in need. God bless you and your family. Sincereley, Al F.
May 7th, 2005 at 11:30 am
Hello Al,
I cannot say enough good things about the 12 step programs. They are wonderful. A place of healing and support surpassed by none other. Helping each other because we know what it is like to be in the depths of despair and can share what it took us to get out is priceless. Giving back is what it is all about. I also believe in counseling. Tough stuff, but well worth it.
Bless you and your family too.
Dawn
May 16th, 2005 at 9:58 am
hi dawn
i’ve seen wonderland a few times and everytime i see i not only feel bad for the people that died that day but i feel bad for you. i’m glad to know that your life is now on track and you have a little girl. because you can teach her a lot of things in her life. god bless you,sharon and susan and i hope you guys are blessed for the rest of your lives. thank you
tawny
August 11th, 2005 at 10:57 pm
“Wonderland” is nuts!! I thought is was comedy at first because of Johns character. How do people get so deep in a life style that they don’t think. I just saw the film, the ending was crazy. If I were Susan I would be afraid of shadows for the rest of my life. I just can’t imagine it. Why would any one do that. I mean I have been around some crazy things because of the lifestyle my mother lived. But this is hell on earth, for real. There are so many girls who get seduced by men, I have a 15 year old cousin and nobody knows where she is. She ran away, stole cars, even selling her body I think.
August 13th, 2005 at 3:52 pm
i just want to say u went thru hell dawn. i bought wonderland recently i love it, i love true crime movies. im a 25 yr old man in atlanta w my own buisness. i watched the lapd crime scene footage its crazy!!!! how could ppl do that to other ppl??? i dont know. i myself is in a 12 step program i loved extacy and cocaine. please e mail me back. thanks
October 9th, 2005 at 4:57 pm
Hello Dawn - Are you aware of any web sites or books that might have pictures of the actual people involved in the Wonderland case, i.e. David Lind, Ron and Susan Lanius, etc? While trying to assimilate all the events of the murders as portrayed in the film, my curiosity kept gnawing at me - I just want to be able to see what the real characters looked like. Any help in this matter would be greatly appreciated.
regards -
Steve
January 27th, 2006 at 4:29 pm
I was wondering if there was any way u could e mail photos of the real people involved in the wonderland story,particularly David Lind,Iwould allso like to say congrats on getting your life together,except for the murders it sounds like a page out of what my life used to be like.
February 7th, 2006 at 12:28 pm
you can go to http://photobucket.com/albums/v285/Sunsetstripchic/ and there are some real pics of the people from wonderland David Lind’s pictures are the last ones.
February 12th, 2006 at 11:57 pm
thank u very much for the photos,is there any info on davids linds life other then the basics.Did he have children,wife,where was he from.Thanx
February 22nd, 2006 at 11:05 pm
i don’t know, from the sound of things he did not change from the time of the wonderland murders to the time of his death. i would like to know if he had a wife and children. if you can find out, will you let me know and if i find anything out i will let you know.
March 9th, 2006 at 10:00 am
i did read somewhere that a neice has been conversing on a site,something fish,cant remember,said he was a good uncle but thats all i know other then the fact i read he may still be alive,do u know how old he would be now?
April 15th, 2006 at 12:26 pm
The year of the murders, my boyfriend shot himself in the head in front of me, on my birthday. When I remember the headlines, it brings back so much for me, also. Thank you for a way to help the souls who passed before me in that drug world I was lost in so long ago. I finally got it together and became a psychiatric nurse.
Sincerely.
April 15th, 2006 at 6:07 pm
april 7 was the one year anniverery of my husbands overdose,then the next some people were gunned down due to a drug fueled rage,i just dont understand how many people have to die due to drugs,why dont we ever learn.i guess history is really doomed to repeat itself over and over.i can only shake my head
June 24th, 2006 at 3:07 pm
Dawn, once again I have read something on your site that touched me and moved me to tears. It is amazing how you can still feel so much love for those that caused you so much pain in your life. I can speak from experience because though I hated the alcoholic behaviors of my ex-husband, there was once a man there that I did truly love and admire. Unfortunately, that man was lost to me, and all I can remember today is the hatred of how he treated me. Again, the man I shared an addiction and had a “love?” affair with for about three years still has a place inside my heart, though I have no idea where he is today, or if he is even still alive.
Again, my heart goes out to you Dawn, as well as Sharon and Susan, wherever she may be. You three women are an inspiration, and my admiration for you goes so deep and I am still just overwhelmed to have an opportunity to share my thoughts with you! You are blessed to have Sharon in your life today. The two of you shared so much together, and both knew such different sides of John Holmes. It is amazing what you two endured! I just realized that in a few days, the anniversary of Wonderland is upon us again. What will it be, 25 years????
God bless those 12 step programs. I’d be lost without mine, and I truly feel it is through working a strong recovery program that I can put so much of the anger and pain in the past. So much is revealed, and even afer peeling off yet another layer, there is still more onion inside. No wonder it is a lifetime program!
God Bless,
Lori
July 3rd, 2006 at 11:43 am
is there any info on wether David Lind is truly dead,and about his wife and or kids,if you know any thing i ould like a reply
July 4th, 2006 at 7:46 pm
just want to say sorry about that short blunt request,i was in a hurry.I would be gratefull for any info on david lind.Thank you very much.
July 24th, 2006 at 10:39 am
Hi Dawn, how are you? It´a a great pleasure to can conect with you. Yesterday I saw the movie Wonderland, and I´m thinking about all that peoples and your short lives. You´re really a survive, it´s incredable how you was close this tragedy, and I suport you.
I would like to know about Susan Launius, what happend to her?
God bless you!
Michele
P.s: I´m brasilian, so, sorry my terrible english.
August 19th, 2007 at 11:20 pm
I just saw the movie wonderland and it is hard to blelieve it is true but I guess truth is stranger than fiction. You are very blessed to be alive today!!! John Holmes seemed to be a manic and he would have dragged you down with him. I just want to know if you are still in contact with her. You were the only three characters that appeared to be victims of John. But I Must admit Mrs. Holmes seemed to be the only person that he couldnt manipulate. Girl friend was strong!!
August 24th, 2007 at 2:44 am
Hi dawn,
Don’t know if you remember me but i found your website when you started.I’ve been gone for a while but back now would love to chat,but i know how busy yyou are.Just wanted to say hi and you’ve been in my thoughts even though i couldn’t keep in touch.hope all is well.love to hear from you.
serena
December 1st, 2007 at 11:31 pm
Human life is so fragile.
I can only barely comprehend the extremities you must have encountered in your youth. I commend you for your strength of will to move forward and to create a clearer and peaceful future.
It is incredibly moving to know that you pulled yourself out of the cycle.
All the best for your future.
M
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Dear Dawn,
I saw an interview with you on the documentary, “Wadd”. I was impressed with how you and Sharon Holmes are able to contuinue to effectively conduct your lives after the Wonderland incident. I am currently a substance abuse counselor in Denver and I discuss with my female clients stories of resiliency. Though I don’t mention the both of you specifically, I am reminded of your respective struggles when having discussions with them in therapy sessions.
DC Anthony