Gratitude
Count them…write them down…the things you are grateful for. “I can’t”, I think. But today, it’s because there are simply too many! My heart is full. Faces seem to float to the top of my thoughts. My daughter’s beautiful smile…my family…good friends…a home…a warm bed…having enough. Yes enough. I am not hungry, I have purpose in my life. My deeds are well intended and I feel whole.
At first, in the beginning of getting well, I saw nothing — everything was dark to me. This pain, my pain, had to stop I decided, and so I made a committment to find my elusive light. A friend, Nan, who had offered me help, gave me instructions. “Write them down”, she told me in an absolute tone, “Even if you don’t feel it. Write down at least three things everyday that are gifts you are grateful for. Do this everyday, say thank you and more will come…I promise.”
‘What a crazy task’, I balked, but I did them anyway. I said I would.
1. My dog.
2. Pizza.
3. Sleep.
My list stayed pretty much the same for many months, I remember, except the pizza, and sooner than I realized, my view of the world began to get lighter. Suddenly, I could move a little better — freer, instead of constantly stumbling in the dark. I couldn’t put my finger on it — there was just more color everywhere — and for some reason I was surrounded by it. Miraculously, I realized, with gratitude, I was in the presence of the beginning of hope.
Those days have turned to years now and when I hear the words of my good friend Nan say, “Write them down,” instead of a list of three, I am guided to this computer to do just that.
Be grateful!
Dawn
November 27th, 2004 at 7:59 pm
I love it, Iwrote to you earlier today and I just wanted to say I think that the list is a great idea. I’m definitely going to do this. Thanks for the help, you’re a very kind person to help others the way you do. At least I feel like you’re helping me.
Serena
December 5th, 2004 at 12:26 am
I just saw about the last hour of the movie Wonderland. I was intrigued by it but came in too late to understand all who all the characters were. At the end of the movie it talked about a few of the characters and what happened to them. I cought your name on there and so I looked you up on the internet. I found this page and for some reason I am writing you. I like what you said about writing down 3 things I am greatful for a day. I think I will try this. I think I will also rent that movie so I can understand what all of this is about. I am 37 and know about John Holmes. So I have good idea of what the story is about but will rent it soon. This is kind of a wierd thing for me. I am not sure why I am writing you when I don’t even know what really happened in the movie. Maybe I willl contact you again after I see it.
Dave
December 5th, 2004 at 4:18 am
Hi,
Enjoyed reading your post, and I know this is unrelated, but do you happen to know what happened to David Lind and Sharon Holmes? Is there any information on the internet that you can direct me too? Thanks
December 5th, 2004 at 4:20 pm
Hello,
I do hope the idea of writing down what you are grateful for can benefit you as it has me. I am simply passing along the sage advice that was given me. It worked!
I can answer that Sharon Holmes is alive and well. She and I are very close and speak/see each other all the time. She and I are like family to each other.
As for David Lind…from what the police told me, he died of a heroine overdose in 1995. Sadly, he never broke away from the drugs.
Dawn
December 5th, 2004 at 5:12 pm
Hi Just wanted to say I hope you as well as everyone else had a good thanksgiving and will have a wonderful and blessed Christmas…… Happy Holidays To All!!!!!!
December 6th, 2004 at 8:34 pm
Hi Dawn, this is probably going to sound absurd, so I’ll just start from the beginning. My name’s Abby, I’m 16 years old from Massachusetts, and sometime last year I saw a preview for the film, ‘Wonderland’. Intrigued by the music and the fact that it was set in the 70s (the decade I unfortunately did not get to attend), I wanted to see it. I bought it when it came out on DVD and fell in love with it (you can bet my parents weren’t that happen upon telling them it was a film about John Holmes and the murders of Wonderland).
What I’m trying to get through to you, is that: when I watched your character portrayed beautifully by Kate Bosworth, I swear I saw myself. It was really just . . my life on screen. When I was 13, I got involved with someone a few years older, and I was just . . addicted to him, and he treated me horribly. He made me grow up faster than a 13 year old girl should. But I just kept going back to him, even when he began dipping into the world of drugs and explicit sex (granted, by then I was 15, though he was 19). But it was really after seeing ‘Wonderland’ and seeing the correlation with how you were and how I am, it really put things into perspective. And when I read at the end that you had turned him in and gotten on with your life, it motivated me to do the same.
So I wanted to thank you.
Though, I still do find John Holmes and the murders of Wonderland absolutely fascinating, and Wonderland is by far one of my favorite films. I’m just about to go to sleep to it right now!
Oh, and I know you posted this around Thanksgiving, but now it’s more towards Christmas, so happy holidays
December 6th, 2004 at 8:36 pm
*This is just something extra, but I often talk about John and the film (and films in general) on my livejournal (which I forgot to add the entire address in my pervious comment). If you’d like to check it out, its right in the URL now
December 13th, 2004 at 2:08 pm
Just wanted to drop you a quick note. I watched the movie Wonderland last night and I thought it was amazing. You must be a remarkably brave person to have survived that. I like your poetry too. (I use to write too. Not exactly sure why I stopped.) Hope you and your family have a terrfic holiday.
March 9th, 2006 at 9:54 am
u had said that david lind had passes but on the website,caskets on parade they have him as still alive,i allso read somewhere else that he had several social security numbers and and a few were still active in 2000.r u possitive he has passed?