Comments on: Help…

By: Jeremy

Jeremy — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 20:31:43 +0000

Hello Dawn,

My theatre company focuses on telling real stories of psychological and physical abuse. We have not reached out to any other groups, but we all feel that our work is incredibly important and we need to increase awareness. I would love to send you some of our work and invite you to take a look at our site.

Thank you,

Jeremy

By: Printess

Printess — Tue, 06 Dec 2005 00:41:32 +0000

Dawn,

Thank you very much, this website really does help a whole lot. It gave me the courage to write you about what happened to me all those years ago. Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. Best of luck on your book, I can’t wait to read it.

Best wishes,
Printess

By: Lynn Richland

Lynn Richland — Mon, 05 Dec 2005 07:43:20 +0000

Dear Dawn
Hello. I am so glad to have found your website. I guess I am behind times, I just saw Wonderland the other night and it was a sad, but a great movie. I cannot believe that you survived such an ordeal.
Since watching the movie, I have been browsing around and found this along with other sites about the murders and have a few questions.
First of all, I read the John remarried Lori Holmes, from what I have understood, a fellow porn star, do or did you have any contact with her?
I also saw that she is coming out with her own version of the Wonderland Murders, the truth so she claims, what are your feelings on this?
Also, in the movie and from what I read about you so far, you were so young to end up with this man. Where were your parents? How did they feel about your relationship with John?

I can’t wait for your book to come out. Do you have the date yet?
I think your a brave an an obviously strong person to have dealt with all of this.
Thanks for your story and God Bless!!!

Lynn

By: Dawn

Dawn — Sun, 04 Dec 2005 19:55:28 +0000

Hi Printess,

Thanks so much for sharing your story. These kinds of pains from our past are very difficult to share. It sounds like you have already processed alot of forgiveness regarding your parents, and that is great. There is no excuse for what was done to you when you were so young and vulnerable. Counseling helped and helps me when I find that I am challenged with something in life that throws me into pain about my past. Thankfully, they are not so often anymore and I do my best to not let those past events define who I am. I am glad you are with someone you love.

I have really appreciated your posts here and hope you continue to share. Other people who don’t post, but read get alot out of people sharing their stories here too. Even though I haven’t been posting alot lately, I do read everything and love all the healing that I sense comes from sharing with others with like experiences.

Blessings to you and yours,

Dawn

By: Printess

Printess — Sat, 03 Dec 2005 07:17:21 +0000

Dawn,
When I was very young before I could even walk there was a family member of mine who done some inappropriate things to me and it really messed me up for a long time . I have been visiting this web site for a while now and I am just now getting the courage to tell you this. It went on for a long time until I was about 11 or 12 and when I finally came out and told my mom what he had been doing to me she never once doubted me and that is when she told me about the time I was about 7 or 8 months old and I was playing in a sand box and she had to run inside my grandmothers house for something and she asked him to watch me for a minute or two, and when she came back out he had his hand shoved down in the front part of my diaper and she could tell he wasn’t checking my diaper to see if I was wet, he looked like a deer caught in headlights when she caught him. Well anyway she told my dad about it and he went crazy and got a big two by four and told him the next time he ever came near me he would use the two by four on his head and he meant it. But that didn’t stop him until I finally got up enough nerve to tell my mom what he had been doing to me all those years. My mom told me to tell him that she knows what he had been doing to me and that if he didn’t stop that she would tell my dad. I did what my mom told me to do and he never laid another hand on me again but it stuck with me through all my teenage years and I guess that is why I was 21 years old before I ever had sex and that was with the man I am married to today, and my father to this day does not know about all the other stuff and I would prefer it that way because even though I am 32 years old now I am still his baby and I have been able to move past it now. If my mom would have known he was like that to begin with she would have never left me alone in the back yard with him. I guess it didn’t matter to that sicko that I was just a baby. I know one of these days he will have to answer to god for what he has done. I have never really told anyone about this except for my mother and a couple of other family members just to warn them not to be around him alone and I can’t believe I am telling you and all the readers who visits this site. I really have moved past it but it still bothers me sometimes and I try to block it out of my head. Thank-you so much for sharing your stories and for letting us tell ours to you I hope to hear from you soon and good luck on your book I can’t wait to read it.

Best wishes,
Printess

By: Dawn

Dawn — Sun, 26 Jun 2005 20:25:42 +0000

Hey Rob,

Never give up. You sound like you have alot of pain, and I understand. Something addicts do, since you can’t bear to go out yet, is to go to online meetings. I know you said rehab didn’t seem to help, but, well maybe this would be a way you could take what you needed and leave the rest without being public?

I think six months is great! I am so glad you wrote me. You need not apologize for too long a comment. You only seem a bit unfocused and time and sobriety and action into your recovery will bring much healing and well being.

Drop a line anytime and many blessings to you. Keep up the good work.

Dawn

By: Rob Citron

Rob Citron — Sun, 26 Jun 2005 09:31:21 +0000

Hello, Dawn. I’ve been off and on with drugs since my freshman year in high school. I’ve done everything, but, my drug of choice was the EVIL pharmaceutically enhanced heroin, A.K.A. Oxycontin. From the first second I tasted it I was hooked. I swear by it. The first time it ever touched my tongue to be swallowed, I never, ever stopped. I’ve been in and out of drug-rehabs all around the country. Everywhere from hospital-wings to the high-end rehab of Connecticut, Silver Hill. I just couldn’t stop it. My life revolved around it like most other addicts, except that I don’t think I EVER had a chance. I honestly think I was born with the genetic characteristics that make up an addict. And I really never had a chance. But now it’s about 6 months for me. I’m clean now. I’ve said this before and I always went back. But I did something different this time. Not only do I not talk to anyone. (NO friends. I never go out.) But, I spent every cent of my money on a hi-def prosumer camera and a new laptop for editing video. I’ve been sitting in my house for over 6 months without speaking to a soul outside of my family. I’m sorry I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. I just get really lonely sometimes. I know the minute I talk to someone I know outside my immediate family I will be back on the streets again. I really want to do it this time. I want to make it without drugs. I’m a good person. I am. I’m also intelligent. It’s just that I’m overly sensitive. I just finished watching “Wonderland” and when the titles came up at the end just before the credits rolled I burst into tears. (As usual.) I’m a guy by the way. I’m just barely 23 years old. I live in New Jersey. I saw you were born here and the first thought that popped into my head was “figures.” New Jersey is a horrible place. No one ever sees it though. They see it as “the good side of New York.” When honestly it’s the most horrible place in the world. Just since high school, 7 kids I know died within my class or 1 year above. Sorry let me get back to what I was about to say. I was saying how I haven’t talked to anyone or left the house in over 6 months. I just fool around with my camera and computer. I wanna make movies. You’re a writer. I can’t wait until the book comes out. You are an excellent writer from what I see. You blogs on these message boards alone show what a fantastic writer you are. You sound sooo intelligent. By the way, I’m very happy for you. For everything. So I wanna make movies. I want to tell stories. I know this because out of all the horrible things in my life. Things that have happened, or that I’m just now going through or whatever. The only thing that ever gave me a break from reality has been watching movies. I pop in a DVD and leave this world for 2 hours. And so many movies have inspired me, to the point, well, where I am now. I’m clean right now. I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve seen every single movie that has come out, AT LEAST, since 1995. That’s 10 years of movies. I was into music my whole life. I play a variety of instruments. Just this past year I cleaned myself up and a guy I knew from high school recruited me for his band. We cut an album (from our own pockets though), and actually talked to some record company A&R reps and had a video made in Tulsa, OK. A place I had never been to before or never thought I would ever go. Then after everything died down and nothing came of the video we spent weeks making. I lost my job. Stopped talking to every from the band and all of my friends and family and fell back into drugs; HARD. Well after about another 6 months or possibly alot longer. A few events strung together and with the help of my enormously supportive mother I got clean again. Hopefully for the last time. Leading me to this present day. Anyway, I’m an idiot. I don’t know why I’m telling you. It’s just nice to think I have someone to talk too I guess. What I intended to tell you about half-way through this ridiculously long letter that you’re probably not even reading, was that…I couldn’t get off drugs. I tried everything. Nothing could get me off drugs. I was on a 1,200 dollar a day Oxycontin habit. Which equals about 5,000 milligrams of Oxycontin a day. About 2,000 milligrams at a time or so. NOTHING could stop it. Nothing. I had tried everything. Spent tons of money talking to therapists and drug counselors and anyone who would listen. Until one day I was offered a chance to be in a drug-study for Subuxone. I don’t know if you know what Suboxone is. But it is a sublingual, orange tablet. It’s an opiate. Well, it’s an opiate that you take that doesn’t get you high and that is far less addicting then methadone. You put it under your tongue once or maybe twice a day and thats it. It blocks your opiate receptors in your brain so even if you did do heroin or oxycontin or cocaine or anything you either A) wouldnt feel it at all or B) just get plain, sick. I just wanted to tell you about it in-case you talked to anyone that needed help with there drug problem. Let me tell you. I am the spokesperson for “an addict ’til death” and Suboxone helped me get off. I’m still on Suboxone today. But you can wind yourself off anytime with little complications. If you have even the slightest desire and a little will, Suboxone will take you the rest of the way off drugs. After that. It’s pretty much pure will. But I wanted you to know about it in case someone messaged you here on your website or something or you knew someone that just could not kick the habit. I’m really, really sorry I wrote this long thing. You really do not need to post this. I actually just assumed you wouldn’t anyway. I wanted you to know about it because from what I hear you seem to help alot of people. I thought this knowledge would help you help them. Anyway, I’m very sorry if you’re actually reading this, that I’m such an idiot and wrote this long thing. Anyway. Maybe you can e-mail me back at BareKnuckled@aol.com. I could always use someone to talk to. I think I’ll probably be fighting this beast until the day I die. So who knows when I’ll actually talk to someone besides my mother and sister again. LOL. Thanks for listening. Great movie. Sad movie. You indeed truly are a survivor.

Your friend always,

Rob

By: Dawn

Dawn — Tue, 14 Jun 2005 06:21:10 +0000

Hello, just to let you all know how very touched I am by the honest sharing you have posted. Also, I am forever grateful to have others talk about their healing the to offer someone a hand here. This is what helping is all about. Supporting each other. I love to hear success stories and although I know how lucky I am, I know I am not the only one who has survived and is doing well. There is hope and no matter what, we all have a purpose.

Thanks Raven, Victoria and Kris. I hope to hear from you again.

Dawn

By: Kris

Kris — Mon, 13 Jun 2005 05:38:46 +0000

Victoria, first of all, I know this is Dawn’s website and you are asking questions of Dawn. I hope Dawn or you won’t mind if I speak up.
I just cannot help responding to your post about your experiences. I am a survivor of DV-You are asking about counseling and if it would help you. I am not a dr or medical professional, just a Survivor. My experiences happened some 20+ years ago. I still struggle at times to be honest. What you shared about the violent rapings, current medical conditions, and lack of ability to trust or be intimate at this time; since these past events obviously and understandably are interfering with your quality of life, I do hope you seek counseling. I went through plenty of counseling. I believe it is true, that there does come a time when we need to stop talking and begin doing, but when the time is right. Figuring out and working through how we arrived into these situations, and then moving forward is so key.
For me, drugs was a basically a by-product of my extreme lack of self esteem and guilt I felt about different things in my life resulting in the abusive relationships I ended up in, and could not seem to get out of. I really did not understand that I was repeatedly following negative patterns with the type of men I was involved with, and was also exhibiting negative patterns of my own after the DV ended. I believe these issues are addressed for me, but I’m always on the look out for any behavior patterns that may manifest again.
I do hope you find professional help, and are able to move on and enjoy life, because it really is wonderful. I now believe that I am still here because I somehow am supposed to help others in the same situation when the time is right. Hopefully I will know when these times arise. Best to you, you deserve good things. Kris.

By: raven

raven — Thu, 09 Jun 2005 20:21:10 +0000

dear dawn i am 16 goin on 17 years old i have been a victim of dv ( domestic violence ) pretty much all of my life until a few years ago i know what it is like i have also had friends who have been raped and i myself was almost raped by another patient while i was in the hospital i didnt like the feeling of me being scared and not in control i have a few ideas for the month of the domestic violence and sexual assualt awareness i dont know if they will be of any use – you could candle light viduals on your courthouse lawn – u could make the balloons teal and purple – purple is the color of the ribbions for domestic violence awareness month in october – u said that you and the volunteers are making the ribbions teal – u could hold a walk and raise donations for the local shelter i know the people at the shelter i was at and they hold walks and runs to support the victims and survivors make fliers and advertise in the newspaper u can do banquets and perhaps u could make pins with the ribbions and maybe even make the ribbions long enough to tie around trees and on the antenna of ur car perhaps talk to ur local radio stations and have them advertise i know that is gonna be alot of work but u have to get the word out i know it would be very time consuming but u can do ne thing u want to if u set ur mind to it there is many people who are victims and dont realize it. some are to afraid to come forth and some are ashamed i think u should have like a slogan i dont know exactly what but something that will get the word across – thanks and god bless – raven