Still Not Afraid, (Of Anyone But My Agent!)
If I told you I have been busy, you may think, “what the hell, we are all busy!” So let me steal a second of my precious little time to say I sincerely believe my agent comes from hell. (Yes, I hope she reads this.)
She wants more….. More detail, thoughts, visions, senses, feelings, smells, sounds and any other sensations. More, more, more. Damn it. Doesn’t she know that I’m already ripping every shred of memory from my roots. It hurts…and I just want her to tell me enough, “This is good Dawn, they will love it!”
To be honest, I don’t care if they love it or not right now. I really only want them to say, “Oh. I see. Interesting.” Or something similar to acceptance of the damn reality of the events. But NOOOOOO! Publishers want it all, I’m told. Crap. This is hard.
I have the hotline again this weekend. Last weekend the domestic violence calls just wouldn’t stop. Women in serious crisis, all needing real help; crying, unable to breath or think. They didn’t know what to do and their legs were cramping and they didn’t understand why. Why was this happening to them? “It’s not you,” I told them. “Nobody has the right to hit you. No matter what. Nobody! You deserve a good life. To be treated well.” The sad part is that they didn’t follow through. They never showed up for help on Monday to go to the safe house or get the restraining order. Damn. I know this made it harder for me to write deeper, like my agent wanted, about my own experience with John Holmes. Much harder.
For all of you who have been so patient for my book, here is the latest update. I have been overhauling the book as it had been written, by my agent’s instruction. She is tough. It seems it will not be released by late this year or early next. It is now in the hands of my agent and when she feels it will be ready to take to a publisher. “Soon, Dawn. It will be soon,” she tells me. But in agent-ese I’m really not sure what this means. I hope most of you can hold on, and if you can’t, I understand. Right ab0ut now, I’m not sure how I’m holding on with all of the rewrites she wants. God, I hope the hotline doesn’t ring anymore today.
Thanks to all of you. Blessings,
Dawn
August 6th, 2005 at 9:04 pm
Dawn,
I’m so sorry to hear that the book is causing so much trouble for you right now. I’m sure writing it must be a hard thing to do at times.
Stay strong and Don’t let it stress you out.
I’m looking forward to the book I can’t wait for it come out I’m 100% sure it will
be worth the wait and a wonderful read.
I will keep the women from the hotline in my prayers.
Godspeed
Kitty
August 6th, 2005 at 11:10 pm
Hi Dawn,
I wanted to say I admire your courage. I am writing a similar book about some very painful life experiences right now, and it’s devastating at times to relive everything. I wish you and Sharon the very best.
Stephanie
August 7th, 2005 at 7:25 am
Every writer has a love-hate relationship with their agent, even those who have published best sellers still have to endure the rewrite process with every single book they write. Your frustration is NORMAL.
Having explored the writers life, I know it’s hard to edit the words that bleed from your fingertips onto the page and in your case, it’s even harder because the words live in your memory. But your agent does know what the publishers want and what’s needed to get your story published. Just keep your eyes on the end product and trust your agent.
You really are lucky to have an agent, Dawn. Many first time authors can not get one and without an agent, publishers will never even see your manuscripts because they do not accept unsolicited material from writers anymore. Agents now do what editors in big publishing houses used to do, work with the author to produce the best book possible. Now editors work with the agents and expects a manuscript to be in publishing condition when an agent brings it to them.
So, love her, hate her, even fear her, but always trust her.
August 8th, 2005 at 9:39 am
I concur with Glo’s sentiments, Dawn. The publishing world is in a tizzy right now. It’s damn near impossible to sell a book. She’s just making sure that she has the best possible product she can get from you before doing battle in the marketplace. Hang in there, darlin’.
August 16th, 2005 at 4:58 pm
I know how difficult it is for you write more about those terrible times and I know it hurts deeply. I also know that what you write will help many, many women. Please keep at it and try not to get too discouraged. I think writing your frustrations here helped. Looking at the comments, I see encouragement, practical advice, and lots, and lots of loving support.
August 28th, 2005 at 6:28 pm
When is your book going to be released? I am anxious to read your story.
Do you know where I might get a book called “Four on the Floor” by Robert Souza & Tom Lange??
I wish you the “Best”…
Linda
September 1st, 2005 at 3:06 pm
Four on the Floor was never published.
September 2nd, 2005 at 10:02 am
I hope everything goes well with finishing your book. I love to write but I also know how stressful it can be. I just wanted to say that I admire your courage in your past and I can ONLY imagine that experiences you have had in your life.
Just believe in yourself …. Everything will work out.
September 9th, 2005 at 8:21 pm
Hi dawn,
It’s me again it’s been a while since i’ve looked you up,but i’m always interested in what you have to say.Don’t worry about the book,it will be great.Trust me,anyone who understands will appreciate everything that you have to say.Your situation will help many even if they don’t know it at first.Trying to put yourself in someone elses shoes and realizing that your situation is similair to theirs helps people,sometimes people need someone else to spill their guts to understand change is needed and it happens.be pleased with what you do,i know you help me all the time, it’s hard but one day i hope to in the place you are.To me happiness doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time, just that you’re happy to help others by your mistakes.All that really matters is that maybe you helped one person not go done the road you already traveled.
serena