I think it is great to have the oppertunity here for people to message back and forth, because I believe it can really help just to write your feelings down and talk with others who share the pain from experiene. Thank you Dawn for creating this site!

A little of my story…. I feel for a cute, smart and funny guy. In the beginning things couldnt seem to be any better. I thought, wow I really think this one could work, I was so happy with him. Then slowy he became my worst night mare. By the time I really realized how bad it was, I felt like I was stuck. Everytime I tried to end it, I would pay. So eventually I stopped tryin to end it. I was away from home attending college, which was very important for me to finish, but I felt I was losing myself in this nasty cycle with him so when that year of school wrapped up, I moved home for the summer.

My summer away was really hard on me emotionally as you all can expect. I went though many emotions. I told myself I had to do this and I knew it was whats best, but my feelings and care for him made me weak. I agreed to talk to him only threw email in the beggining of the summer, but by the end I broke even more and we talked a little over the phone. I made it clear to him though that we were over as a couple. At the end of summer I moved back to do my last year of college and after only being there a day he saw me and knew I was back. He called and I let him convience me it would be ok to see eachother again as friends.

Well stupid, stupid me. One visit lead to two, then two to three etc etc… We went through a pretty ugly ordeal at his place one night, which made him decide to leave his place for good, and shortly after that he started coming over all the time again, and quickly, he basically moved him self in with me. Feeling so bad about what happen I did not have the heart to tell him he couldnt stay with me, and besides I felt it may be alright this time around because he has not abused me at all since I been back. Well of course, that didnt last. One day he got mad about some false information his other girlfriend told him (yes there was another girl the whole time, of course I was not always aware, but anyway thats awhole other long story) and that was the beginning of all his old behaviors all over again. I knew right at that point I had to get out, but like we all know, its so much easier said then done. At that point it was not so much the feelings stopping me but the fear.

Happy to say, I was strong enough to endure it all through my last year of school, knowing that as soon as I was done school, I was going to move away and it would be over for good this time. I just took it one day at a time, praying each day would be a good one. The all werent and at times I felt I couldnt do it, but I managed to stay strong. I made it back home. Once I got there the feelings bit came in to play so it was not so easy calling it quits. He only lives a couple hours away and since I really missed our good times together I allowed him to come for visits here. I have since been able to manage to call the relationship quits, and am down to only talking with him once in awhile on the phone as friends. I no longer feel the control from him, its almost as if we have been able to salvage something (friendship). I have not seen him in just about a year now. I refuse to because I dont feel strong enough, plus I know theres always a chance something bad may happen. I actaully feel that I am probably making a mistake by staying friends, but for some reason I cant seem to let go completly. I thought time would make it easier, I gotta say it has some, but parts of me are still so tempted to give in a see him again, even just once, for I miss the connection I felt with him (one the good days of course) so much.

I know you dont give advice Dawn, but if anyone has any suggestions, experineces, inspiring words, or anything theyd like to share to help me and others stay strong it would be greatly appreciated. I feel I am at one of the hardest stages now, learning to let it all go and truly move on. How do you leave someone you really do love (besides thier abusive faults)?

Sorry this is so long, just felt I needed to write and share my story and concerns, and this is the shortest I could make it.
Jane

I have been checking back to see your posts and how your doing. But have not seen any. I know your very busy, but i get worried about ya babe. I hope everything is ok. I know this latest horrific tragedy in New Orleans and MIS & AL has hit home like in India. So if you can, post so I and us know your ok. I know your going thru alot, but just give us a jingle! Bless ya, Hon!!

Sincerely,

Nicole D’Amico

Been reading lots about Wonderland and the “industry”...I must say, you are an extraordinary girl/woman…and utterly amazing yet cautionary tale…it is absolutely wonderful to see you online and seemingly doing so well. It made me smile

Kurt

Thanks for the inquiry on the book. I am still working hard. Please check the post I made just before this one, “Still Not Afraid (Of Anyone But My Agent)”. I think this will update those who are interested.

I love hearing success stories and survival from abuse. It is so encouraging. So thank you to those who shared their experience.

And, Keli, hang in there. I don’t give advice, but my experience with some similar feelings that you are struggling with, sent me to a counselor. It really helped me. Get WILLING to let go of the unhealthy feelings. A counselor helped me to get the courage. Because that’s what it takes to let go of old emotional baggage that has worn out its welcome, yet won’t let go of you.

Be well and check in and write if you feel the need. It’s okay here.

Blessings.

Dawn

What a coureagous woman you are, I was in same type relationship along time ago. But overcame it and have put my life back together. I loved the movie and would like to purchase your book. Is it out yet? I have been looking for it.

Thanks
HB

Sincerely,
Kelli