Happy Christmas!
I know it has been August since I posted and I apologize. I think the first thing that happened was I got busier with the book. So, for anyone who is interested, the book is still a “go”. I know some of you have been frustrated, I apologize, but I am told it is best to simply say the book is coming. Please know that the book, aside from my family, is first and foremost in my life.
Several other things have happened. I have continued to be actively involved with my local shelter, marching in October in the parade against domestic violence and manning the hotline every month. In September I welcomed an ailing friend into my home and have spent many hours getting her settled. Then the holidays. With a wonderful seven year old in the house, I have tried to keep my priorities straight. Time with her is the most important blessing to me. Santa came with lots of presents and she and I huddled in bed the night before certain that we heard his sleigh on the roof along with the hoofs of the reindeer. She even told me she could hear “ho, ho, ho” from a distance on the wind. She is awesome.
There also has been a few negative things. Nasty, mean and rude comments on this blog came last month and the month before. Things like this: “To all you dumbass battered women out there who stick around to have some man beat her you are all fucking fools and should be beaten to death.” This is a direct quote from a very sick person, and enough to make me shy away from this blog. I wondered what the point of sharing so much online is.
So, friends…… Gotta run. Happy Holidays. Blessings to you all. Love Dawn
December 26th, 2006 at 4:48 pm
Hey Dawn,
First of all, I hope your Christmas was a merry one!
Don’t pay any attention to people leaving nasty comments. I know what abusive people can do psychologically, especially when it involves a guy and a woman. Those who have to insult are either quite clueless or abusers themselves in some form. Keep your chin up and don’t let them keep you from posting!
Hope you have a Happy New Year!
December 27th, 2006 at 8:31 am
Hi Dawn S,
I have been waiting patiently for about a year and a half to write something on your blog that you might actually read. Now is my chance. I am very happy to see you are still connected to this site. I sensed in your 2004 responses, early in this site’s beginning, that you might have begun feeling overwhelmed at the rapid growth. Being the responsible and dedicated person you have proven to be, your sense of involvement as a survivor, to support by means of replying to and thanking those posting, became too time consuming, and we missed you. I’m not sure you realized at the time just how much time and energy would be involved with keeping the level of commitment you feel necessary to maintain a site such as this. Anyway I’m glad you popped back in to say hi, even if for a short time! You definitely must prioritize your life though and children need lots of attention!
You have no idea how much I admire and respect you Dawn S., for your constant and growing dedication to us damaged souls. I wish we had had an opportunity at some point in life to have become friends. I think if we were ever to meet in public by chance, we would feel an instant bond, a sisterly kinship, phoenixes raised. (We also share the same name and age.) The pain, although maybe quelled by time, is always there in some form or other, and only those having lived such tragedies can understand the hidden baggage that lingers in our hearts having survived abuse. I too have a lot to offer in the way of experiences. I have been abused my entire life beginning with my mother at a tender age. The loss of my virginity by an older man at age 14, like your experience with John, should have been protecting me and guiding me rather than luring me to be raped. And now I realize that is exactly what he did even though I was appearing to consent. He took advantage of my vulnerability and yearning for love. Almost every man I’ve been around has abused me in some form or other. The last two abusive relationships were back to back and really knocked me to my knees. I too have been through the gamut of beatings, verbal and emotional torment, the feelings of worthlessness, shame, and failure, evictions out of apartments when trying to escape and hideout, lost jobs and friends, the thoughts and feelings of despair, anxiety, embarrassment, and degradation all over men whose only purpose in life it seems is their shear determination to overcome their personal insecurities by controlling vulnerable women through violence. The last horrible ordeal happened seven years ago. I was stalked for a month then shot point-blank in the face. After thinking he had killed me, he then turned the gun on himself and succeeded for himself where he failed with me. I spent the next two years trying to heal physically, while emotionally grieving that I survived and he didn’t. I wonder why the abused go through such an incredible range of emotions when it is the abusers that are the criminals? I guess in my case, and in many others, it is because I once loved him, and I am a compassionate person. I keep trying in spite of all the hurdles; I just can’t seem to give up.
I apologize. I began this comment with the intention of encouraging you after you shared the above intrusion and misrepresentation of this blog. I just don’t understand people and their actions sometimes. I know you won’t give up Dawn, because you are a survivor. You are much stronger than any of them will ever be. And you have integrity, hell they probably can’t even spell it let alone know what it means. Don’t let them keep you away from what is important to you. I think this site is still important to you even though it has become quite the challenge keeping up with it!
I, and others, am learning so much from you. Your encouragement for us survivors to rally around each other and to support one another’s trials and tribulations and on through recovery is invaluable. Your wisdom and kindness is so needed by many, me included. I so admire your courage, strength, and the love you display from your heart for those you don’t even know! That’s human compassion in the highest sense.
In conclusion, I want to breach a subject that weighs heavily on my heart almost each day. Since I was informed about the horrible events of the Wonderland murders, I am consistently enraged as I hear various people on the web and in interviews when they refer to “four” brutal assaults when there were in reality five; when they talk about the “Four on the Floor” when there were five on the floor. I can’t describe in words how I feel for Susan Launius. I am glad to hear you know people that know her, and that it seems she has coped. I worried what the movie may have done to her psychologically. I would never dream of invading her privacy, she probably feels like a spectacle in the aftermath of the movie, but my heart goes out to her. I can relate to her on a certain level. Of course I don’t know what the extent of her injuries were or are, I just know they must be quite substantial considering the evidence of blood-spatter gathered from the crime scene. Anyway, I wish I could tell her how sorry I am for her loss and accidental involvement in the ordeal. I know first hand how one minute things are fine, and in the blink of an eye your whole life is turned upside down and forever changed with no instigation on our parts. Not only did she have to endure the physical, emotional, and psychological pain of incurring such injuries, but she lost her husband as well. No matter what kind of bad-boy he was, she obviously loved him, and that pain can be more overwhelming than personal physical pain. Anyway, I just wish I could somehow relay this to her, and if you have any way of contacting her, let her know that one more survivor acknowledges her, and with love, admires her strength as well..
I do have a couple questions though, if you have the time to answer. How did you come to trust enough to reach out for help? How were you ever able to trust a man again enough to marry? I realize not all men are bad, but I can’t seem to pick a good one. It seems every time I reach out for help, I am slapped in the face (figuratively) and/or rejected. Vocational Rehab, Counseling, doctors, etc. They all seem to think I look fine then I should be fine. They write it off as depressed, which I am, but mostly now because of this issue. I am on social security so don’t have the money for more than a sliding scale mental health facility. When I tried to go there, each week I went in they passed me off to another, made me keep reliving the event, then would tell me to stop dwelling! Grrrr!!! Anyway, I have tried to attend college but can’t keep up with the face pace, they won’t help me because I don’t have what they consider psychological damage, and I have been fired from every shit job I’ve tried to work this year. I don’t mean to sound pitiful, but I know others are experiencing similar frustrations. I also know that you can’t give me a way out, but maybe sharing a bit more of your recovery process may help me find something to grab onto. I’m so tired of being sad, and every time I try to pick myself up someone seems to have the power to knock me back down again. I am strong and smart. I don’t understand this phase of the cycle at all.
Thank you for the release this site offers, Dawn. I feel some cathartic healing as I type out my pain. I have begun writing poetry which I hope will become releasing. I also wanted to say you are a great artist. I have visited a few sites that offer your sculptures for sale; your imagination and attention for detail is incredible. May your talents never find an ending.
May Peace, Harmony and Love always surround you, God bless you and yours,
Dawn B.
December 27th, 2006 at 11:17 am
This blog is a good thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don’t listen to them!!!!!!!!!! They say those things because they are miserable, they might even be scared and alone too. You are a wonderful person and you have done a good thing here. I my not post as often as I would like or maybe as often as I should. But I come here everyday or so to see whats up. You are a beautiful person and it takes a lot of strength and courage to share things from your past.
Marie Trevino
December 27th, 2006 at 12:15 pm
Hello and thank you. Your comments are encouraging. To Dawn B. I want to say how interesting that we share a name, age and background, (sadly abusive). I don’t know where you get your counseling, but I have never been told not to dwell on the past. What keeps me going is sobriety and counseling. Your local domestic violence shelter has counseling and most of the time it is free. You qualify by identifying as a formerly battered woman. That’s it. Post traumatic stress disorder is also a factor if you have been abused. I used a method called EMDR especially developed for PTSD and it worked wonders for me. I hope this helps.
Marie, thanks for the support. The comments that are negative and accusatory do tend to make me rethink this blog. I will take what I can and very possibly make the decision to walk away if I can’t. We will see. I also have a miserable person from Pennsylvania who has a serious hatred for me. She posts under different names on different websites and will try to lead the posters to dislike or get angry at me. She is abusive also and has even searched out my families private web blogs to announce them on other public sites. This kind of thing has made my family very upset as well, so I do rethink this site because of this as well.
Happy New Year to you too Matt. Marie and Dawn B. too. Blessings.
December 27th, 2006 at 8:31 pm
Dawn S.
Hello,
First, let me apologize for my above comment being so long. I didn’t realize it until I just scrolled down, and down, and down the page to get to this point! Maybe my name should be Windy! But thanks for commenting back to me, you don’t know how much I appreciate that. Also, I’m so sorry for all of us that a few unhappy people have to try and ruin things for everyone. I never dreamed you would be having these sort of problems just for trying to give back a bit to the world, and to the extent that one has gone; so very hateful. I wonder what these people gain from their efforts? To them: If you don’t like what we are about here on this site, then DON’T COME BACK TO VISIT! To Dawn S. this is just another testament to your courage and determination to keep persevering, but if it is too stressful maintaining this blog, and if you are in fear at any level, then you need to walk away, for your sanity and safety. We will all miss you, but it is a certainty that you have touched many hearts, and in a sort, have left a lasting legacy with us all. I for one will certainly never forget you and your selfless example, and you have been a great role model. In fact, I have decided to check into our local women’s shelter to see if I can lend a hand. I didn’t think I was in the right frame of mind, but you know, maybe that’s just what I need.
Peace, Harmony, Love and God bless you,
Dawn B.
P.S. Don’t give up on the book though!! You’ve worked too long and too hard on that project to let a handful of demented souls break you down.
December 28th, 2006 at 5:08 am
Dawn,
Glad to see you back posting to the blog. Many of us were wondering what happened. CONGRATULATIONS on your work with domestic violence groups. More people need to see the positive and empowered example that you set. Your daughter has to be extremely proud of you!
Movie Fan
December 28th, 2006 at 5:45 pm
Dear Dawn, I’m glad to see you back and that you’re OK. I’m so sorry these people are saying sick things on here. People like that need help and are abusers themselves. Please don’t listen to the naysayers! I’ve a MVS (murder victim survivor) who had 2 family members murdered by another family member 16 years ago. I’ve also been the target of abusive spew online. I’m on message boards with other MVS and we have people come on there who aren’t members that spew their abuse and then leave. I’ve gotten personal messages from them, too. I’ve also been personally attacked by other board members for my stance on forgivness and my belief (which I know is fact) that the worst person CAN change. I won’t ever quit speaking out on these things. The need for support for ALL MVS’s is huge, and is especially needed for inter-family MVS. This is 1 of the most common types of murder in this country and we have issues to deal with that MVS with stranger murder don’t, such as we might still love the perpetrator and we’re torn between our anger at what he/she did and our love for the person. OK, now I’m going on and on here, and on this subject I can for a long time, so will stop now! The person who’s giving you the hard time, spreading the lies and stuff, I bet is 1 who’s a plague on other Wonderland related boards. It’s very sad and hurtful to all the decent people on these boards such as yourself. Please hang in there. You’re doing a TON of good as there’s so much domestic violence and people need help and to be inspired by someone who made it through. Those of us who made it through can help any person who’s just starting out getting help. I’m very glad to hear the book is still on track. The other lady on this thread I want to commend you for having the caring you do for Susan Launius, who’s a MVS also. Yes, no matter how her husband was, she suffered tremendously and didn’t deserve what happened, and the other Wonderland victims didn’t deserve what happened either. Anyway, Dawn, glad to see you back. There’s always going to be naysayers in our lives. We prove them WRONG by keeping on what we’re doing. Take care.
December 30th, 2006 at 4:07 am
Hi, I want to encourage you to keep telling your story. Take in the nasty things people say and turn them into something good. Just like you have done with your life. My best friend works for a womans shelter in Sumner, WA and I also work with a variety of students that have broken lives. Reading about you this evening has helped me remember why I do what I do and I can not wait to tell my friend about you and your web site.
Best wishes
December 30th, 2006 at 9:05 am
Sa Wad Deee Khun Dawn,
I am so gled to know that you can speak Thai. Can you do both writing and reading Thai?
Hope we can chat in Thai. Thanks for your reply.
December 30th, 2006 at 2:30 pm
Hello to Pumpkin and Movie Fan…again. And thanks. Pumpkin, it seems I will always speak about DV, SA and drug abuse, even if I don’t do it on this site.
Sa Wad Dee Ka, Khun Asa. Sabai De Mai, Ka? A Yu Khun Thai, ka? Pom put bassad Thai nit noy, ka. My put Thai ben song, sam pi lao, ka. — I obviously don’t read or write Thai, so I am not sure about my English converstion here. Thanks for your post. Kap Khun Ka. Dawn
Dawn B. I love that you like the artwork by the “other Dawn Schiller”. Just to clarify. I am not the Dawn Schiller that does Ravenclaw clayworks. Thanks anyway. I would love to meet her someday. I think her work is pretty cool too. Dawn
Herb. Washington Rocks!
Blessings,
Dawn
December 31st, 2006 at 12:08 am
Hi Dawn S,
I’m so sorry!! I didn’t think the other Dawn Schiller’s picture on the art site looked much like the few pictures I’ve seen of you, but the pics were small and not really detailed so figured it could have been you with changes in time. She too was thin and had long, dark brown hair. I am truly sorry to have mixed you up.
BTW I took your advise and checked out Sally Anthony. You’re right…Sally Rocks!! She is doing amazing things with amazing speed!! More power to ya Sally!
Anyway, take care and don’t let the wicked people win. I know it is easier said than done, but we get collectively stronger with your voice and your strength included Dawn S.!
And Pumpkin, thank you for your acknowledgement of my compassion. I hope that no matter what continues to befall me in my life, that I never lose that part of me; I hope the same for you as well.
May we all endure, persevere, and always be true to ourselves,
Dawn B.
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:29 am
Dawn,
I like many here, saw Wonderland. Pretty powerful movie in my opinion.
I don’t have a lot to say, I just felt so strongly compelled to send off a note of … for lack of a better term, encouragement.
I wish you luck and Godspeed for all your goals in life……
feel free to email or leave a reply…
Regards,
Wade
January 5th, 2007 at 2:38 am
Dawn S. and your readers-
I apologize that since our last conversation I have been quite under the weather. However, our discussion has been on my mind for several days now. When I woke up early, I was compelled to share my opinion about the recent harassment that you have encountered.
First, I can only guess that your decision to place any attention on this [individual’s thoughts] must have been for the purpose of educating your readers on how the process of victim blaming can come about. I believe that when a person makes such comments, it presents an opportunity to educate–and as you know, “knowledge is power.”
Second, I am hoping that the author of these thoughts is a relatively intelligent person who is willing to learn more about Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault as well as being keenly aware of the laws regarding internet stalking (if you are unsure about internet safety, please contact you local domestic violence shelter for more information).
I would like to directly respond to the person that made the following comment, “to all you dumbass battered women out there who stick around to have some man beat her you are all fucking fools and should be beaten to death.” When I first started advocating for survivors, it took a lot of work and re-education–on my part– to conceptualize why it would take a survivor an average 7 instances of leaving their abusive partner before they left for good– I believe this is because it was very hard for me to see someone continuously injured and emotional abused. Further, please keep in mind that some women are ultimately unsuccessful in leaving and are killed at the hands of their partner. On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day. In 2000, 1,247 women were killed by an intimate partner. The same year, 440 men were killed by an intimate partner - http://www.endabuse.org/resources/facts/ : accessed 1/5/2007 - This number has probably risen since the 2000 initial survey.
In almost all cases of domestic violence, the most dangerous time is when the survivor leaves their abuser–in fact, you can just about bet that the behavior will escalate on the risk scale. It is important to call your local domestic violence shelter or a trusted support system and have a safety plan (and back-up plan) in place when leaving (there should be plans made for both children and adults).
Some of the reasons why women stay –other than sheer terror:
* often, there is nowhere to go,
*she doesn’t have access to the funds in order to leave–the abuse takes control of all of the income and resources,
*survivors are often isolated from support systems or means of escape,
*the batterer has threatened to take custody of the children if the survivor leaves,
*trauma bonding- Stockholm syndrome, fear, severe depression, etc.,
*Physical injuries that prevent them from leaving,
*Community barriers related to stigma that the abuser has created to keep the victim isolated,
Etc.
*Further, it is important to note that minority and LGBTQ individuals may face additional barriers and challenges when attempting to leave their partners.
*Also, please don’t forget about male survivors. The stigma placed upon men to be “strong” and “self-reliant” can keep men from reporting, getting help, or leaving all together.
This is not an all inclusive list and I will not pretend to have all the definitive answers about why survivors have difficulty leaving their batterers.
I believe that blaming the victim and questioning their “motivation” for staying in a physically and/or sexually abusive relationship places attention and scrutiny in the wrong place.
What we should be asking batterers is, “why are you CHOOSING to physically and emotional injure someone?”
To Dawn and your supporters–if you share even a little bit of information that lights the way for a survivor to be free, then you are truly heroines and heroes. As always, thank-you for your time, attention, and compassion dedicated to this cause.
To the reader who spurred me to write this (due to your thoughts above)– I look forward to future debates and the opportunity to educate you.
“Gladly would [she] learn, and gladly teach”
Light and Love,
Chris
January 9th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
nice to see a post from you Dawn.Glad you are doing alright. hope you had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
January 11th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
I found some time on my hands and decided to sit down and catch up on your Blogs… WOW… as much as it takes to move me… YOU have done so! I am so proud of who you have become, Dawn… and I know where you have been. Just remember where you come from… and never lose sight of those that love you, as I truly do! You go GuRL! LoVe those O’s… got two already!
January 12th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Hi Dawn,
Happy Holidays to you and your family…so nice to see a post from you and glad to hear all is well.
Please do not let a few idiots discourage you from the work that you do or all the good that your website does for people. I, for one, was lucky in that I was in the beginning of what I believe would have turned out to be a very abusive relationship. My boyfriend at the time would yell from time to time, but the moment that he grabbed me by the hair, I knew I wanted out. I saw the pattern in his family when I once witnessed his father smash a ceramic ashtray in his mother’s face, breaking her nose, and then threaten to kill her if she (or any of us) called the police. I had never in my life been witness to anything like that and I was more of a mess than his mother was. She was more concerned about me being upset than her own injuries and my boyfriend was almost immune to it as he’d seen it so many times. So when he grabbed me by the hair one day, all I could picture was me winding up living the same life his mother had been living for years. I walked away, never looked back and thank God that I left when I did.
My heart goes out to you and everyone who has had to live with an abuser. If even one person finds the strength to walk away from an abusive situation after reading about you and your story, then I say it will all have been worth it, idiot comments and all. I can’t imagine that you wouldn’t feel the same. You are a true hero in my book, which by the way, we are ALL looking forward to YOUR book.
All the Best,
Heather
January 13th, 2007 at 12:15 am
Hi Dawn!
Happy New Year. I’ve not been here in months and thought I’d check to see if the book is going to be out. I got my answer.
As for being bummed about the nastiness of some people, don’t let that happen to you. I get the feeling this blog means a great deal to you, so don’t give away your power to these unenlightened souls.
Many women go back to their abuser. They’re not dumb. They’re just not sure of themselves, and it’s all they know. Of course, you know this. How dare some of these.
Be well,
Jen.
June 11th, 2007 at 8:33 am
i want to read your book when does it come out… i bought a book but it was the wrong one… i really liked the movie wonderland and i wanna read your book so please w-mail me to tell me when your book comes out!
thanks
Amber