thanks

Amber

Happy New Year. I’ve not been here in months and thought I’d check to see if the book is going to be out. I got my answer.

As for being bummed about the nastiness of some people, don’t let that happen to you. I get the feeling this blog means a great deal to you, so don’t give away your power to these unenlightened souls.

Many women go back to their abuser. They’re not dumb. They’re just not sure of themselves, and it’s all they know. Of course, you know this. How dare some of these.

Be well,

Jen.

Happy Holidays to you and your family…so nice to see a post from you and glad to hear all is well.

Please do not let a few idiots discourage you from the work that you do or all the good that your website does for people. I, for one, was lucky in that I was in the beginning of what I believe would have turned out to be a very abusive relationship. My boyfriend at the time would yell from time to time, but the moment that he grabbed me by the hair, I knew I wanted out. I saw the pattern in his family when I once witnessed his father smash a ceramic ashtray in his mother’s face, breaking her nose, and then threaten to kill her if she (or any of us) called the police. I had never in my life been witness to anything like that and I was more of a mess than his mother was. She was more concerned about me being upset than her own injuries and my boyfriend was almost immune to it as he’d seen it so many times. So when he grabbed me by the hair one day, all I could picture was me winding up living the same life his mother had been living for years. I walked away, never looked back and thank God that I left when I did.

My heart goes out to you and everyone who has had to live with an abuser. If even one person finds the strength to walk away from an abusive situation after reading about you and your story, then I say it will all have been worth it, idiot comments and all. I can’t imagine that you wouldn’t feel the same. You are a true hero in my book, which by the way, we are ALL looking forward to YOUR book.

All the Best,
Heather

I apologize that since our last conversation I have been quite under the weather. However, our discussion has been on my mind for several days now. When I woke up early, I was compelled to share my opinion about the recent harassment that you have encountered.

First, I can only guess that your decision to place any attention on this [individual’s thoughts] must have been for the purpose of educating your readers on how the process of victim blaming can come about. I believe that when a person makes such comments, it presents an opportunity to educate–and as you know, “knowledge is power.”

Second, I am hoping that the author of these thoughts is a relatively intelligent person who is willing to learn more about Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault as well as being keenly aware of the laws regarding internet stalking (if you are unsure about internet safety, please contact you local domestic violence shelter for more information).

I would like to directly respond to the person that made the following comment, “to all you dumbass battered women out there who stick around to have some man beat her you are all fucking fools and should be beaten to death.” When I first started advocating for survivors, it took a lot of work and re-education–on my part– to conceptualize why it would take a survivor an average 7 instances of leaving their abusive partner before they left for good– I believe this is because it was very hard for me to see someone continuously injured and emotional abused. Further, please keep in mind that some women are ultimately unsuccessful in leaving and are killed at the hands of their partner. On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day. In 2000, 1,247 women were killed by an intimate partner. The same year, 440 men were killed by an intimate partner - http://www.endabuse.org/resources/facts/ : accessed 1/5/2007 - This number has probably risen since the 2000 initial survey.

In almost all cases of domestic violence, the most dangerous time is when the survivor leaves their abuser–in fact, you can just about bet that the behavior will escalate on the risk scale. It is important to call your local domestic violence shelter or a trusted support system and have a safety plan (and back-up plan) in place when leaving (there should be plans made for both children and adults).
Some of the reasons why women stay –other than sheer terror:

* often, there is nowhere to go,
*she doesn’t have access to the funds in order to leave–the abuse takes control of all of the income and resources,
*survivors are often isolated from support systems or means of escape,
*the batterer has threatened to take custody of the children if the survivor leaves,
*trauma bonding- Stockholm syndrome, fear, severe depression, etc.,
*Physical injuries that prevent them from leaving,
*Community barriers related to stigma that the abuser has created to keep the victim isolated,
Etc.
*Further, it is important to note that minority and LGBTQ individuals may face additional barriers and challenges when attempting to leave their partners.
*Also, please don’t forget about male survivors. The stigma placed upon men to be “strong” and “self-reliant” can keep men from reporting, getting help, or leaving all together.

This is not an all inclusive list and I will not pretend to have all the definitive answers about why survivors have difficulty leaving their batterers.

I believe that blaming the victim and questioning their “motivation” for staying in a physically and/or sexually abusive relationship places attention and scrutiny in the wrong place.

What we should be asking batterers is, “why are you CHOOSING to physically and emotional injure someone?”

To Dawn and your supporters–if you share even a little bit of information that lights the way for a survivor to be free, then you are truly heroines and heroes. As always, thank-you for your time, attention, and compassion dedicated to this cause.

To the reader who spurred me to write this (due to your thoughts above)– I look forward to future debates and the opportunity to educate you.

“Gladly would [she] learn, and gladly teach”
Light and Love,
Chris

feel free to email or leave a reply…

Regards,
Wade

I’m so sorry!! I didn’t think the other Dawn Schiller’s picture on the art site looked much like the few pictures I’ve seen of you, but the pics were small and not really detailed so figured it could have been you with changes in time. She too was thin and had long, dark brown hair. I am truly sorry to have mixed you up.

BTW I took your advise and checked out Sally Anthony. You’re right…Sally Rocks!! She is doing amazing things with amazing speed!! More power to ya Sally!

Anyway, take care and don’t let the wicked people win. I know it is easier said than done, but we get collectively stronger with your voice and your strength included Dawn S.!

And Pumpkin, thank you for your acknowledgement of my compassion. I hope that no matter what continues to befall me in my life, that I never lose that part of me; I hope the same for you as well.

May we all endure, persevere, and always be true to ourselves,

Dawn B.

Sa Wad Dee Ka, Khun Asa. Sabai De Mai, Ka? A Yu Khun Thai, ka? Pom put bassad Thai nit noy, ka. My put Thai ben song, sam pi lao, ka. — I obviously don’t read or write Thai, so I am not sure about my English converstion here. Thanks for your post. Kap Khun Ka. Dawn

Dawn B. I love that you like the artwork by the “other Dawn Schiller”. Just to clarify. I am not the Dawn Schiller that does Ravenclaw clayworks. Thanks anyway. I would love to meet her someday. I think her work is pretty cool too. Dawn

Herb. Washington Rocks!

Blessings,
Dawn

I am so gled to know that you can speak Thai. Can you do both writing and reading Thai?
Hope we can chat in Thai. Thanks for your reply.