My Voice to Help Throwaway Teen Abuse… My Presentation
I finish my studies on Throwaway Teen Abuse Prevention. In the next few weeks I will be turning this into a power point presentation and putting it out to the public on June 10, 2009 at my local university to faculty, students and the public. Through a grant I received from our tribal foundation and sponsored by my local shelter, I am able to give my presentation at three venues. The second presentation will be at the local library in town and the third will be a the university’s Writing 131 class during summer session.
As some of you know, I come to this topic because of my own story. I was a throwaway, a kid who grew up with violence and neglect at home. I was abandoned and left vulnerable as a teen, that in my case, made me “easy” to approach and seduce by John Holmes.
I don’t always understand why it doesn’t sound strange to people that a 32 year old porn star was seeking out the company of a 15 year old kid. He buddied up to my dad and sold him pot. My dad looked the other way. In truth, everyone looked the other way. Why?
As I conducted my research for this presentation, it truly sucked discovering how much of a statistic I was. Along with the overwhelming government statistics I found, I also uncovered terrible hidden narratives, short stories written anonymously in classrooms, that to me, more accurately represents the many unreported teens living today in painful and unfair circumstances. Knowing this also made me very aware that I was/am not the only one, and ignites my passion to raise awareness and educate communities to prevent and care for these throwaway teens.
Stay tuned please. The more I discover the more I want to share the hope.
Dawn
May 18th, 2009 at 7:06 am
sorry to disturb, i’m completely stranger to the story but why do you refer to yourself as a kid and to John Holmes as a porn star instead of a man? it seems unfair to me, it was the man who fell in love with you, his job wasn’t involved, and the difference of age is not that great, really, think of gig young and you will find a very pathological difference of age, but not this one, and however i read on sager’s piece that even him regretted your too young age, didn’t he? and however he couldn’t stop falling in love with you, Dawn, just you, and he could have all the women on planet earth and on all planets of all galaxies and more, but he loved your innocent eyes, he found in them his own lost innocence, he didn’t like his job, he probably despised it and himself too for doing that job, and you were his anchor, his lifeline, but unfortunately his weight, although so light, was too heavy for you, and he sank anyway dragging you along for a while, but i feel you loved him as much as he loved you, and you can discern the bad things caused only by his cruel addiction, and i hope you wrote your book with him also at your side: surely John wherever he may be will be the first reader of your memories, yours and his.
May 18th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Hi, my name is Keely and I’ve seen your blog/website b/c when i first saw the movie, wonderland, i was very curious about the character Kate Bosworth played. Then when I found out who you were I was so amazed by your story and all that you’ve endured. I think its wonderful how you say you’ve been sober from drugs and alcohol b/c my brother did drugs and alcohol and he got help from it and hes so devoted to the A’A and so spiritual. He overcame abuse by another person as well when he was a kid so hes been through so much and has become this amazing person. hes also the godfather to our niece. i’ve learned to never drink or do drugs from him and i’ve also been able to understand a lot about sobriety and a lot of things which is probably why i want to study psychology in college. Well, anyway, I was kind of wondering and curious about what your parents felt about your relationship with John Holmes. I mean nowadays people would freak if their kids were being with a guy who was thirty,you know. I’m not meaning to be judgmental at all but I was just wondering b/c thats considered illegal these days but I guess the laws were a whole lot different back then and it was a different time. I’m sorry for asking about it b/c i’m sure you answer a lot of questions about it and you don’t have to answer it or anything, b/c i understand b/c honestly thats what we need in this world,understanding. Well, Please write back and thanks for accepting my friend request and sending me that invite. With great respect, Keely
May 19th, 2009 at 7:38 am
i apologize for my previous comment, please delete it! i just spoke because i have a tongue in my mouth, although i didn’t mean to offend your sensibilities in any way with it i realize now how my inapt comment is superficial and simplistic, my thoughts are evidently of little substance, sorry! actually i highly respect you and your deep commitment to abuse prevention, and surely your presentation will be a success useful to increase the awareness of the problem. maybe i simply prefer to think at your complex relationship with John Holmes highlighting the true feeling of love which shines trough it, instead of the serious abuses you suffered in consequence of Holmes’ drug addiction.
maybe i simply would have preferred another ending, with Dawn Schiller and John Holmes who lived happily ever after.
May 19th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
As a person who also grew up in the 70s, I can remember feeling that there was little or no connection between parents and teenagers. My own mom and dad were overwhelmed by their issues that left little time and energy for their children. I have spoken to friends in recent years who felt the same way that I did, neglected, discarded and ignored. It’s a wonder we made it through. In retrospect, I believe it wasn’t entirely our parents’ fault, as they carried out what they had learned and we made the best of it. We had no choice. In my mind, parental neglect was partly a generational mode of coping, a sign of the times. The generation gap that was prevalent in the 60s and 70s and defines the disconnection between parents and teenagers, is almost non-existent today. As teenagers, many of us who had too much idle time on our hands and were unsupervised, became involved in drugs and sadly, sometimes with devastating effects. We drank alcohol and drove, we hitchhiked, we took many risks, and we didn’t wear seat belts. It was a far less restrictive but potentially dangerous time. That would include attitudes and sexual practices that wouldn’t be permissible or acceptable in today’s society. Through education and enlightened eyes, we are evolving into more caring and concerned people as our sensitivity to the needs and feelings of others is more acute.
Your personal story and relationship with John Holmes is tragic, yet also intriguing. As an outsider looking in, there seems to be a common thread linking how you have described your childhood, to John Holmes’ own background. Based upon what is known about John Holmes, it is interesting that he too was a “throw-away†teen and a victim of violence and neglect in his home. He joined the army at a young age to escape the wrath of his step-father and family dysfunction. Perhaps he lacked the strength and capacity to do what was required in order to make good choices. Love is a precarious, individual and complicated emotion, but somewhere in the middle of the turmoil that you experienced in your unusual relationship it seemed that the two of you shared a kind of mutual love. I write that with sincerity.
Good things evolve from challenging situations. Your advocacy for throw-away teen abuse prevention is a commendable and admirable project and one that is deserving of great respect. I wish you luck and happiness.
May 28th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Hi Dawn
Good to see you posting again. Good luck with your presentation, I’m sure it will be a great success. You are an inspiration.
I have a couple of questions: How is Sharon? I hope she is well. And also, if this isn’t too personal (forgive me if it is), are you still married? I have read the archives and I don’t see any mention of your husband in quite some time. Again, sorry if I’ve asked a question you’d rather not answer. Just curious.
Keep on updating us on your life. Know that there are so many of us “out here” who are rooting for you to succeed in life and who respect you for being a survivor and for overcoming some pretty fantastic circumstances.
Thanks for reading,
Reenie
June 28th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Hi Dawn,
I’m glad to see you back. I’ve been following you on Twitter. I was one of those teens. And in hopes to “balance” my life, as an adult I became “that” person that I wished I had in my life as a child and young adult. I had two girls that seemed to attract troubled teens as friends because they knew they could count on me and their Dad to help. I have some success stories and I have some sad stories, but I made a difference. If I leave life better than it was when I entered it, I made a difference. Thank you for making a difference.
June 29th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Thank you Marty!
That is wonderful news. You rock!
Dawn