GRACE. It Feels So Good to Turn…Eleven.
This may or may not be clear to people, but I have two birthdays. My bellybutton birthday on December 29th and another, July 22nd, the anniversary of the day that I got sober. It has been over a decade since I turned away from the need to numb out my emotions. What a journey so far!
I remember in the beginning the sheer agony of being in my own skin. Every reflection of me was like a million shards of “my” broken mirror slicing through my very soul. My wounded past was overpowering, and I was afraid to move. I was a walking, breathing bomb of fire…explosion…then ashes. A pile of rendered dust. Chaos surrounded me, threatened to suck me back. Fear was very angry.
Then Grace came. A tiny pin-point of light. Warm hands held mine softly in a circle and said “pray”. I took steps that measured nano-seconds, then seconds, then minutes, and hours…and I didn’t die. I began to have moments of clarity and peace, and I clung to them as my armor for when fear would try to return.
Grace continued to come. My prayers grew stronger, and I learned the word faith. The light, soft, pure, resilient, wrapped around me. Nonthreatening and tiny at first, it was stronger, more beautiful than I ever imagined…and the scary things slowly lost their shape and disappeared. I learned the word trust.
Grace remains. The events of my past haven’t changed. I have. I have turned the glass over, and it is more than half full. It is in fact, many times brimming over. In my wildest dreams I never thought I’d get to be part of a better day for others, but here I am. Today, I have happiness, purpose, joy and love in my life. I have learned that the light is God.
July 31st, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Happy Eleventh Birthday. I am so proud of you and how far you have come in life. Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. I wrote a post about you so come over and see.
Love and Hugs,
The Mother of your Heart
August 1st, 2009 at 2:19 am
A Very Very Happy Birthday to you! What a Triumph! I’m here from Silver Fox—Just wanted to wish you a Happy 11th!
August 1st, 2009 at 5:39 am
I am here to wish you a very happy 11th birthday and my you have many more. Maria, The Mother of your heart sent me. I can only say that I have had a little experience with my son and his addiction but that was years ago. I wish you many successes in your future endeavors.
August 1st, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Happy Birthday Dawn!! I read Maria’s blog and today I read about you, so I came over here to read your blog. I am impressed by both the obstacles that you have overcome and by finding the light that you have found!! Congratulations!!
I hope you have one of the best celebrations of your life!!
Best Wishes for many, many, many more!
Dar
August 1st, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Oh how nice it feels to have you wonderful bloggers visit from my mother’s site. Isn’t she wonderful! I have been so blessed to have her in my life…let’s see…well over twenty years now. She is Nana to my daughter and she loves her like no other Nana.
Thank you for the well wishes. I hope you visit often.
Best,
Dawn
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:49 am
Happy birthday and best wishes for many happy returns of the day too.
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Here from Marie’s site, a little late but still want to wish you a happy eleventh birthday. We all need to find light in our lives. Sounds like you’ve found your’s and it’s made all the difference. Congrats.
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:21 am
Good morning,. I was just over at Rammuser’s site and he has a very poignant poem about light. I though of you immediately and I think you will like it as much as I did. When you have a moment go and read it.
August 14th, 2009 at 5:46 am
Hello dawn,
I am a student studying film at univeristy. I am very interested in the wonderland case, and particularly the life of ron launius and the gang.
Is it possible for you to
a) get in contact with susan launius and see if she could answer several questions for me.
b) answer several questions yourself surrounding the gang and the lifestyle.
I am glad to hear you are doing much better now than back in those times, and i would appreciate this favour, as i plan to write about the life of these characters and would like a fuller understanding of them and the situations they where in. (I have looked online extensively but have found little in terms of the life of the gang)
thank you for your time,
mark
August 15th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
Happy Eleventh Birthday! It is just a mile marker though, on your life’s path. So, keep on walkin’ and keep on sharing your journey with us. You are an inspiration for anyone who is searching for or needing a bit of salvation in their lives.
Wishing you peace and continued healing,
August 21st, 2009 at 5:58 pm
I miss you and have lost touch. Getatme when you can…