What did you think?
If any of you are familiar with the movie Wonderland, I’d like to ask:
What did you think?
Loved it—- Hated it—- Connected—- Despised?
It would be great to hear your thoughts.
Thanks,
Dawn
If any of you are familiar with the movie Wonderland, I’d like to ask:
What did you think?
Loved it—- Hated it—- Connected—- Despised?
It would be great to hear your thoughts.
Thanks,
Dawn
September 27th, 2004 at 10:27 am
I actually just watched Wonderland last night, and I thought the movie was very interesting. I can’t believe everything you went through. I found that it was well put together, and overall a good movie. How accurate were the characters portrayed?
September 27th, 2004 at 12:11 pm
Loved it! The Wonderland murders were new to me when i watched the film. After watching the film i felt compelled to track you down! When can we expect the book in the UK? What did u think of the film?
September 27th, 2004 at 6:49 pm
Hi, I loved it!. I know that Mrs. Holmes and yourself had alot to do with the movie, producing it I think. What was that experience like? How did you go about finding the right cast? Also do you think John and yourself were portrayed well in the movie?
Lesley
September 29th, 2004 at 12:44 am
Thanks for your responses.
The characters of John, Sharon, Eddie, the cops, Sally, (the woman who took me in at the start of the movie) and myself, were portrayed as best as time and film space would allow. I think there were some misconceptions regarding my character by the critics, really only due to the time issues the director and producers had to deal with. The whys and hows and whens of my story had to be condensed for film’s sake and the results were many times, (not all), harsh.
But Wonderland is only about a part of my story. The movie is about the gruesome murders of which I had knowledge and was indirectly involved. There is so much that was left out with regard to John, Sharon and myself. Things I felt really needed to be told, and so the book.
Watching and helping on the set was bitter sweet. I was very excited to be working with such highly talented actors/actresses, but also had to process the re-living of some traumatic events. I can’t even begin to mention everyone who worked on the film. An incredible group of caring/sweet people. They were all there with a cup of tea or a chair and many, many times when things got tough on the set watching an emotional scene, I had more arms of support around me than any one person can count.
Finding the right cast was time consuming. I spoke to various actors and researched them online, looking for the right facial structure, age, coloring, persona, etc. We went through lists and lists of actors, until we found that Val Kilmer was suddenly available and we were floored that there might be a chance to have him sign on. I have to give the producer Holly Weirsma credit here, she is a very determined, capable woman and, well, the rest is history.
Kate was also ideal. She was the right age as me at the time and such a strong, confident actress who we knew wanted to show how much she could act. I think she did great!
Lisa Kudrow strikes an uncanny resemblence to Sharon Holmes in facial structure and also was roughly the same age. She understood Sharon’s character to a tea and all that had to be done was give her long dark hair. She also, did great.
I don’t know what the answer is to when the release of the book will be in the UK, but I will try to find out.
These were great questions, thanks again.
Dawn
September 30th, 2004 at 11:38 pm
The Wonderland murders were new to me as well. Until I had seen the movie I hadn’t even heard of John Holmes. I think the movie was excellent and very compelling. I have full intentions of buying your book just so I can understand you, Sharon and John more. I will say that the cast was extraordinary! I loved Kate Bosworth, she had me sympathizing for you, and through her I saw how hard it was for you. I am 19 yrs old and I have just gotten out of the whole drug scene. I have to say that I know what its like to be an addict like these people were, and I know what it’s like to want to do ANYTHING for some blow. To watch this really touched me and I am now, more than ever, glad that I have stopped when I did. So many tragedies happen because of drugs. I am glad that you’re a survivor as well! Again I loved the movie and can’t wait to get my hands on your book
October 3rd, 2004 at 12:51 pm
Hi,
Glad to hear you made it out of that world before it was too late. Yes, soooooo many tragedies occur when drugs are involved, and the longer you are in it, the worse it gets. Always drugs will tell you otherwise and lead you down the path of insanity, falsely assuring you that you are in control. In fact, Eddie, John and the Wonderland gang firmly believed that they knew what they were doing, that they had it figured out! How crazy drugs can make people is terrifying! For Susan and Barbara to be in that house at that time, the word tragic doesn’t seem enough—how overwhelmingly sad—all of it.
Thanks again for your interest and I appreciate your input. Hang in there.
Dawn
October 16th, 2004 at 11:21 am
I of course hated it. Not because it was a bad movie but because you are my sister and i love you and it hurt me deeply to see these things happening to you! But at least i got to hear about it from you first! Most of the people i have talked to were just plain shocked. They just sort of sat in silence for a moment reflecting the horrors of what real life actually consists of. There was no fluff so it is a movie with a connection if you can be or are aware that this kind of stuff really does happen. It did back then and it still does to this day.
Love you!
October 16th, 2004 at 9:30 pm
I’ve watched Wonderland several times, and find it fascinating (it was just on satellite again). I was really schocked when I heard the name David Lind, since I have the same last name. We’re not related (I certainly HOPE we’re not), but the name’s not all that common.
As others have stated, I’m glad to see you’ve gotten out of that world and into something much more positive. I was in the rock music crowd in San Francisco during that same period and came across the same sort of drug scene, but without the criminal aspects (thank God!). Fortunately, I never got into it all that heavily, and gradually got away from it altogether.
I’m not sure if you care to discuss this or not, but it looked as if your character’s eyes were black after “Gabrielle’s” visit to Nash. Was that correct, or just how they made up Kate Bosworth? I came across this site looking for your book. You write very well and I’m looking forward to reading it!
Take care of yourself. I read your latest entry about your recent problems. Needless to say, you’re in a much better place than you were. You certainly have a lot more strength than those losers in the movie….
October 16th, 2004 at 9:31 pm
PS: since this moderated, I’ll give you my e-mail address…
October 17th, 2004 at 11:53 am
Dawn, I saw the movie last night and was amazed with your part of the story. How did you get your life together? I am your age and was faced with similar choices as a teenager. When is your book coming out?
October 17th, 2004 at 5:26 pm
Just saw the movie tonight, and I thought it was awesome, but sad. I can understand how you stayed in the situation, but, Im glad you made it out when you did. I know this is VERY VERY personal, but, the end says John died of AIDS in 88’. Well, I knew that, but I guess I never stopped to think of how that would have affected you, his ex wife, or anyone else that he had been intimate with. I certainly hope it missed you, I assume it wasnt necessarily from all of the sex, but maybe from the sharing of drugs?? Could you correct me if Im wrong? Im working on a paper for school, and would like to know if indeed you and the ex Mrs. were given a clean bill of health?? If you dont want to answer, I totally understand, it would just help me alot..Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this, and take care of yourself..
October 17th, 2004 at 6:17 pm
Hello to Ms. J. Lind, (no, not that Lind), Tina and Renee,
Thanks for all your questions and good wishes. I am so glad that the drugs didn’t pull you down like what happened to me.
First, in the bathtub scene of Wonderland Kate’s eyes ARE black and blue and her lip is split. She is also re-enacting the exact zombie-like feelings that I experienced when John did this to me. In the scene just prior to the bathtub scene when John and I walk into the motel, you can kind of see the silhouette of his fist coming down on my head. The truth is that John was very violent, especially in the cycle of drug abuse. I have started a topic for Violence and very much support my local domestic violence shelter as I see myself today as a survivor.
The book will hopefully be out by Winter 2005 if all goes well, if not, soon after. Books are a slow process and like my agent likes to say, not only should they tell a story, but they should be a good read. Lot’s of work, but I am diligent and appreciate everyone’ s patience. Yes, so far the working title is, “The Road Through Wonderland”. I am told however, that ultimately the publisher has the final word.
No. Thank God I do not have AIDS. Neither does Sharon. It is my understanding that John contracted it in 1986, which is four years after both Sharon and I last saw him, other than just before he died in 1988. I don’t blame you for wondering about it though. I seems a natural next thought.
Thanks again for your questions. I truly believe that sharing our experiences can benefit each other and don’t mind an honest inquiry.
Dawn
October 18th, 2004 at 4:06 am
Thanks for the reply! The movie gave me the impression that Nash had done that to you, but it makes more sense that Holmes would have, especially if he was so heavily into cocaine. I would imagine he’d have gotten really paranoid when he was on it. Did he use any other drugs to any extent, like speed or heroin?
Also, did he have anything else going for him in his life? What I mean is, did he choose to work in adult films because he couldn’t do anything else, or was it his narcissism that attracted him to that sort of work? If he chose to hang out with the types like on Wonderland, his judgment was obviously very deficient.
Do you think he was directly involved in the murders, as the movie suggested at the end? I also wonder about the Wonderland place. Didn’t the neighbors ever complain about the noise and all the insanity that was going on there (at least as the movie made it seem)? I know I wouldn’t have wanted to have them for neighbors!
By the way, the J is for John – I didn’t think when I posted my last name that I didn’t give a clue to whether I was a man or woman, but that was my mistake….
October 19th, 2004 at 10:14 am
The movie was great! I heard of the wonderland murders way before the movie even was a thought! I did a report on the murders in college when a professor didn’t argue the fact that it did not pertain to exactly what he was looking for. But hey still got an A. So many questions and so little time. It is interesting how things get so big when a topic becomes a movie or anything in the entertainment industry. I think it is awesome how you had the courage to relive all the horrible things that surrounded all the choas of John Holmes. I had experiences with the heavy drug use throughout my life. I watched the movie about two weeks ago and loved it. It was very true to the story since in reality, they are not still sure what really went down that night and who took part in the murders. But that is the justice system for you. Well making this short. A question: You took part making the movie right? How hard was that for you?
October 19th, 2004 at 9:57 pm
I just saw it and I was very impressed with the structure and how it didn’t feel the need to have everything resoloved in a neat little package. The relationship between Dawn and Sharon was fascinating. I would never believe 2 women matched up in those circumstances could find common ground, much less friendship, but the characters made it completely believable. What are your thoughts on how that relationship was portrayed?
October 19th, 2004 at 11:30 pm
i just got done watching it. i’ve seen wonderland a few times now, and i dig it. it’s a very good movie.
October 19th, 2004 at 11:50 pm
Hello,
Sorry Mr. Lind, my mistake. Yes, John got paranoid alright…in the worst possible way. I doesn’t sound either as though he ever gave himself enough of a break from drugs to get his thoughts cleared out, all the way up to his death. From what the police told me, John remained scattered, delusional and manipulative.
Speed, to my memory was not around and no John never did heroin with me. I think I need to be real grateful here, because if he had brought it home and used it, he would have wanted me to do it too…and I would have. Not a pretty thought, but I know that towards the end of our relationship I wanted to escape an ugly existence and John wanted to control. The control, really, is probably the reason he didn’t want to do heroin. He liked feeling powerful and cocaine made him feel on top of the world…except when he was coming down. There are a few exceptions of course. John did dabble. He definately liked to understand what everyone was into. It helped him to figure out what made them tick. He was a street kid in a way. The survior who tries to stay five steps ahead of people so he can always come out first. Completely insecure….boy do I know that to be true. He was a very capable person and could have done alot of things with his life and done well. Especially with the Arts. But he got a kind of instant gratification with the porn industry and lost any desire to work at anything solid. Addiction is like this…an obsessive need for instant gratification…it all makes sense. His desire for something real in his life was his greatest heartbreak. He could never achieve or keep something worthy. He tried very hard though, with me he tried very hard.
As for whether or not I think he was involved with the murders. Well, that is in the book and what I know to have happened, is what I tell. It was what I remember and it is as simple as that.
Glad to know you are not that Lind by the way.
My Best,
Dawn
October 19th, 2004 at 11:58 pm
Hi Ami,
Wow, you bet it was hard at times. Bittersweet is how can describe it. I was treated very, very well and taken care of by just about everyone who had anything to do with the movie. From grips to the heads of Lions Gate. This helped alot. Kate, Val and Lisa were so wonderful and sweet that it was a pleasure to be around them after going through the hard parts. Honestly, I had already processed alot of my past before the director and producers approached me with the script for Wonderland, but I still had alot of fear and spent a good six months before filming seeing a counselor regularly. What ended up happening is that I confronted alot of issues that I hadn’t realized were still there. An added benefit of the movie for me. It forced me to grow alot further than I ever thought possible. Quite the experience!
Thanks,
Dawn
October 20th, 2004 at 12:14 am
Hi Seth,
The relationship was portrayed accurately. Sharon and I are very close even to this day. We are real people and we knew each other since I was fifteen also. When you know how we interacted over the years, you get a better idea of how not too unusual it really is that we are close, at least in our opinon. She saw me as a daughter, a girl alone who had no one. Well, I suppose the truth is stranger than fiction.
After everything, we saw no maliciousness in each other and tended to see the good as more important than harboring resentments. This was the more natural choice for us.
Thanks,
Dawn
October 20th, 2004 at 1:27 am
Sorry Mr. Lind, my mistake.
No problem at all! After all, I didn’t provide any way of knowing.
I guess you can always take heart in the fact that as bad as he was, it could have been worse had he gotten into speed or heroin. I wondered while watching the movie how, with all the heavy drug use, particularly at Wonderland, they were able to think straight about anything at all. Obviously it was the drugs that led them to try something as crazy as hitting Nash.
I get the impression from the movie and what you’ve written here that you’re a strong person who is able to overcome problems like drugs and other adversities: a survivor. As I stated, I knew quite a few heroin addicts, and out of that crowd, there was maybe one or two who were strong enough to get out of it. The one, who everyone though would never quit, did finally manage to get and stay clean. I knew she had it in her. She’s just lucky she did so when she did because AIDS was just starting to really take its toll on the IV drug crowd. I’m so glad I never could handle needles.
Did John ever shoot cocaine, or was it mainly freebase and snorting? Was he still alive when crack came around? I’m lucky I never cared for it; it always seemed like a real waste of money, particularly when a doctor pays about $12/gram for pure stuff from the pharmacy. I was more of a “head”, being a guitar player. The sort of stuff I was into wasn’t as likely to have long term adverse affects on my health…..
October 20th, 2004 at 4:14 pm
Hi,
Glad your friend made it out. In truth the odds of staying clean and sober are very, very slim, I know. I don’t remember what the actual statistics are, but they are not good and this is a main reason why I feel so compelled to share my story. Alot of the time, to hear how someone who has been in the same rough situation as you and survived, can make a difference.
Needles…. Part of why I won’t come out and directly say much about needles is simply because of my book. I write about a specific situation revolved around needles. I will say, like above, that John dabbled and always said he would try anything once. But John was also a contradiction…. You are wise to question it.
Cheers,
Dawn
October 22nd, 2004 at 10:34 am
heyhey… i must say that i found the show really interesting although somewhat disturbing coz of the male characters.. but then again, guess life’s like that.. just wanna say 3 cheers for u dawn, for getting out of all this and moving on with life.. I am truly impressed by your resiliance.
also, am in awe at your continuing friendship with Sharon especially given the nature of both your relationship with John… must admit that this message seems somewhat surreal to me.. but am feeling glad that there’s still hope for the human nature… =) thanks for proving it.. =)
mel
October 22nd, 2004 at 12:28 pm
Hey,
Yes, disturbing, I agree. For guys it has to really hit another gut level of “Oh shit”, seeing how some basic natural tendencies can quickly make a turn for the worse. If it sends a shiver of fear down your spine, make it a healthy fear and walk on a wiser person.
Thanks for the kudos. I certainly feel blessed to have come out of all that. BUT what I feel I should strongly convey is that, it WASN’T EASY! Even with what I believe to be lots of luck on my side, it was a very difficult, painful and time consuming road of recovery. I don’t recommend it, but also want people to know that you can turn your life around if you happen to find yourself in too deep.
Sharon and I agree about the triumph of human nature, and laugh sometimes at how people don’t get it. We consider ourselves true survivors and firmly believe in the support and understanding of each other as opposed to tearing down and hurting each other. It is how we grew, and continue to grow, to be better people. I spoke to her last night and she is well, by the way, and fully supports my book and any other way to help people. She is a good person.
Cheers,
Dawn
October 24th, 2004 at 8:53 am
well, i guess somehow or the other, bad things turn out to be blessings in disguise.
I’m curious.. i understand that u mentioned that the show was as true as possible rite.. erm.. but even those scenes played out in Susan’s memory and the testimonies? was thinking that although the show was portrayed in terms of multiple point of view, human nature usually give more credence to the truth which i feel is shown through the scenes of one’s memory through flashbacks… the result is, i end up seeing a conclusion in the story and a focus more on how individual viewpoints, especially testimonies could distort the truth… is it true to put it this way?
in any case, still love the effects and the way the show was filmed….
mel
October 26th, 2004 at 5:34 pm
I absolutley loved the movie! The performance and the cast was superb. Your situation touched me the most. I had gotten married to a man that I loved so deeply and he was secretly freebasing. It didn’t stay a secret for long. He had similarities to John, the sweet talking Romeo to the evil man the drugs made him. It was so hard to get the courage and strength to leave him. I could totally relate to the anxiety you went thru when he would leave you alone to go on his “runs”. How did you finally get the courage to leave John? As you loved him so unconditionally. What was your defining moment when you knew you had to get away no matter how much you loved him? I was so relieved at the end when it said you left him!
My Best, Nicole
October 27th, 2004 at 8:36 am
I LOVED IT I’VE WATCHED IT ABOUT 20 OR MORE TIMES. I BOUGHT THE DVD. THE COMMENTARY WAS GREAT AND VERY INFORMATIVE. ITS SO SAD HOW SUSAN AND BARBARA JUST HAPPENED TO BE THERE THAT FATEFUL NIGHT. SO YOU NEVER MET ANY OF THE WONDERLAND GANG? DO YOU KNOW IF SUSAN IS STILL ALIVE? I KNOW SHE TESTIFIED AND BASICALLY DISAPPEARED DIDNT SHE? DID YOU FOLLOW THE TRIAL AT ALL? WELL GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU MADE IT OUT OF THAT MESS. GOD BLESS,
STEPHANIE
October 27th, 2004 at 1:18 pm
Hey Mel,
Although I cannot attest to the validity of what people other than me and who I was with saw and experienced that night, I do know that what was portrayed comes directly from court records and police statements given by Susan and David Lind.
I do think the movie makes a statement in the end. In the words of James Cox, “how deep does the rabbit hole go?” I think the movie gives you the facts and lets you, the viewer, decide. In the end, the only real conclusion is that four people were bludgeoned to death.
Thanks.
Dawn
October 27th, 2004 at 11:35 pm
Hi Nicole,
Courage. Yes, courage…in the true sense of the word. Fear kept me with him, fear that I would die without him, fear that he would die without me, fear that he (or others would kill me). By the end of our relationship, I was ashamed of myself, of the things he forced me to do. He told me that no one would ever want me again, only he knew that I was beautiful, everyone else would only despise me. He was someone I believed and looked up to since I was fifteen, and in the end I feared him.
I wish I could reveal the circumstances of my escape from John right now, but I’m pretty sure my agent wouldn’t approve. What I can say is that it was another bizarre trigger of events that led to my rescue and I am so very grateful. Nothing less than divine intervention in my eyes…and angels in the strangest disguise. Once my book is out, I look forward to discussing this topic in detail for those who are interested.
I’m glad you are safe now too. Courage is one of the biggest words in our vocabulary, I think.
Blessings,
Dawn
October 27th, 2004 at 11:42 pm
Hi Stephanie,
Yeah, good movies kind of draw you to them over and over, allowing you to always see more.
I do happen to know that Susan is alive, but has not had an easy road in life. I know that she is a very sweet woman and it broke alot of people’s hearts to see this horrific event happen to her. I wish her all the best and sincerely hope she finds the strength and support to be well and have peace.
Thanks for asking about her, she deserves to be cared about.
Dawn
October 29th, 2004 at 11:16 am
I own wonderland as well as the wadd life and times of john holmes dawn has been an insperation to me and everything in my life from hotel rooms to drugs I LOVE THE MOVIE I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR FOUR ON THE FLOOR IT’S A BOOK ABOUT THE WONDERLAND MURDRES AND I’VE BEENTRYING TO FIND DAWN’S BOOK THAT’S WHY I AM HERE ANY WAY DAWN I HAVE ALOT OF RESPECT FOR YOU AND YOU REALLY DO INSPIRE ME TO GO ON
November 1st, 2004 at 9:33 pm
Hi Jodee,
Hey, sorry I missed seeing your post. Just got this cool edit called “recent posts” and saw that you had written.
I’m hoping you are safe. The book “The Four on the Floor”, I really don’t know anything about, and my book is in the editing process. When I have more information, I will definately pass it along.
My best to you and thanks for signing in.
Dawn
November 4th, 2004 at 3:22 pm
First I must say how incredibly cool it is that you actually respond to what people comment about on your site because usually it is an assisstant of a friend that knew someone that went to school with the person you are posting to that ends up replying to you, you know what I mean? Basically thank you for maintaing your own site!
Wonderland completely grabbed my heart while I was watching it. All the actors did such a good job becoming their characters. I could see how John was weakend from the environment he was constantly subecting himself to. He seemed to have a kind heart and truly care for the ones he held dear to but his priorties were so out of order. It is such an unfortunate story that I wish someone could have changed the ending to. I remember at the end of the movie it said that you went to see John in the hospital before he died, I was wondering if you felt like you expressed everything you wanted to share with him at that time. How did you cope with his passing at such a young age? I ask those questions because when I was 18 my boyfriend of two and a half years and I were in a jet ski accident the day after his 24th birthday. He was airlifted to the nearest hospital but he could not survive his injuries as his spirit left us before he got there. I was so lost without him and I did not have anyone to confide in because I felt like they didn’t understand. I am 20 years old now and have taught myself to deal with experiences either good or bad as something to learn and grow stronger from. Your history gives girls like me inspiration to overcome our past and focus on a positive future. Thank you for being so open and honest to share your life with us.
November 4th, 2004 at 6:23 pm
hi dawn, i was just wondering i remember reading that you said that susan was still alive what about david lind? id either one of them ever try to get in connect with you?
November 5th, 2004 at 12:59 am
Hey Valerie,
Thank you and how cool is it that you can share on a web log some very personal pain as well. I am so sorry for your loss. To go through such trauma takes quite a bit of strength in itself and you should continue to give yourself credit for the progress you’ve made. I do understand about no one “understanding” how you feel, because the truth is that unless someone has experienced such loss themselves, they just can’t relate. I’m glad you are doing better…it does get better.
Yeah, I saw John before he died, Sharon did too. It was a bit different though. I had been out of the country for almost six years, only returning two weeks before his death. John did have a good heart at one time, before he was consumed by his physical senses and addictions, and I agree that Val Kilmer did a great job of portraying John as a man in deep emotional conflict between his heart and his need for drugs.
In the six years I was away from John, I struggled with my own emotions about what was real between us and what was ego/drug induced insanity. Confusion, self loathing, deep emotional and psychological pain were bitter shadows that haunted my every step. You see, I was fifteen when John “courted” me, he was thirty-two. John was my first love and those true feelings of love for me were in direct conflict with the insult of being a teenager/child who was “taken” by an adult who should have been someone watching out for me. So many underlying issues I had to walk through before I found any sense of self worth again, and everytime someone on this site shares a similar story, I acknowledge the courage and strength it has taken them to come this far.
Like I said, John’s death wasn’t sudden, so I really believe that with the time apart before he died and having that experience with him the day before he died, helped me to cope. That didn’t mean the sadness wasn’t there, it was. Not only sad, but tragic. To me, it meant there was no more hope for him to make peace here on earth…and he had caused so much damage.
But, I am like you. I’ve learned to accept the past and grow from the pain. I see the bright spots in life again and I am happy to share the dark parts only for the sake of finding the light.
Thanks.
Dawn
November 5th, 2004 at 1:07 am
Hi Serena,
No Susan has never contacted me, but I talk to people that know her.
Now for David Lind. He had never contacted me. For one, after the murders, there probably was no reason and two Mr. Lind passed away from a heroin overdose in 1995.
On a recent post I made called “All Souls”, I write about how I put his name on a prayer envelope for the dead. This is the reason why. I realize that unless you know every detail of this story, it is probably hard to understand why I write such things on this site. I hope it will all piece together for folks soon after the book comes out. I hope it does and if not, I am willing to respond to honest questions then as well.
Thanks,
Dawn
November 11th, 2004 at 4:29 pm
Hi Dawn,
I just saw the movie last night and all I can say is “WOW”. It was a very heavy movie. I had heard of Mr. Holmes, but knew nothing of the Wonderland murders.
After I saw the movie, I felt as if I had to learn more and searched the web and found your site.
I think you are an amazing woman. You had a rough start and have turned your life around. I feel as though you have truely lived the cliche’ “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
As a married woman myself, I know how marriage, children and the wonderful life we have now, can make it all worth while. Although no person should ever have to endure the type of abuse you suffered.
I can’t wait to read your book. Stay strong and hug your family a lot! I’m sure you do! Best to Sharon and I offer up my prayers for those who have been affected by this tragedy, especially for those who lost their lives.
Blessings to you and yours,
Anita
November 13th, 2004 at 7:27 pm
This movie opend me to a whole new outlook on somethings I think it was a great film and it help show how the real world is I think it is a must see film
November 14th, 2004 at 9:40 am
I would just like to say that the movie was very good, but for me, being in the profession I am in, am left with too many questions. I read that the time constraints effected the movies inturpritation of the actual events. I will be waiting patiently on your book. But, for know, do you have any knowledge or info on helping me locate any court video or audio tapes. Maybe even documents or anything else that can help me. I am a police officer in Texas, that is really interested in this paticular case. I am planning a trip in March to visit family in L.A. I am intending on going to the residence on Wonderland Ave. Do you know if they have renovated it structurally. Meaning I know it has been redesigned and all, but is the house still there and in the same deminsions as it was in 1981? Have you been back there since? 15 years old, all I can say is Wow. You are a very tough women. I have memories of very horrible things in my mind also, from events and aftermaths that I have been to. I know the feeling you have when you lie down and think about those things. I am so sorry any of this happened to you. You know that sinking feeling you get, the quesion marks of what could have been and what if, dont fight them, they are there for a reason. This didnt just happen to you, The road through Wonderland, is The road Through YOUR LIFE. Embrace it, God had and still has a purpose for you. Look at what you have done for your community. In the late 1970’s you probably never even knew where the community you live in know was. Well somehow you ended up there. Just a Coincedence? The answer is No. Good Luck to you and your family. Not to pry in your personal life, but does the book speak of any information about gettting together with you husband and having your daughter. I know its personal, but how interesting the begining of that relationship must have been. Info has it that you had a lot to do with the making of the film, and my hat is off to you, you did a fantastic job. You should be proud. Thanks for your time Kyle Nix
November 14th, 2004 at 12:37 pm
Dawn, there is something that I really do not understand. Some film critics panned the movie because they said that it “glorified” John Holmes and the drug subculture. They also said the movie was not good because none of the characters were “likeable”. I wonder what film those critics were watching, because it surely was not the one that you made. “Wonderland” showed a very depraved world and told a very scary tale of what can happen if you let drugs take over your life. And, of course, the movie was not a comedy… it was a murder story about most of the players who were treacherous (and in some cases, murderous) drug dealers or users who would double-cross their mother for another toke on a base pipe (ie, not very likeable people). When my kids are old enough that I have to worry about drugs, I’m gonna MAKE THEM WATCH this movie so they can see just what drugs can do. Dawn… what is your opinion of those critics who say the movie “glorifies drugs”?
MovieFan
November 14th, 2004 at 12:45 pm
Oh, one other thing.
Somebody in a post asked about the book “Four on the Floor”. Well, the book was never published. It seems that the authors (LAPD cops) got into some sort of a spat and so it never got published.
November 14th, 2004 at 5:33 pm
I saw the movie some time back and thought it was well done. I just stumbled on this site though. How long has it been up? I assume this site is on the up and up right. I mean the real Dawn Schiller?
November 14th, 2004 at 7:26 pm
Hi Anita and Andy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the heart, the people, in the story Wonderland. And your interest in my book is encouraging. The work on it seems to never end and I do have down moments when I question whether or not I am doing the right thing. But this is natural for anyone who has a challenge before them and I do believe I am called to tell my story for those who would stand in my shoes.
Mr. Nix,
First, I would like to say thanks to you as well for your kind insights. Terrible memories that follow someone after events like my time with John, can be debilitating, you are right. Everyone who experiences trauma in their life can understand the darkness that attacks and paralyzes sometimes without warning. It is my hope that those people can know that they are not alone and the darkness can be turned into light.
As for Court Transcripts, hummm, the only thing I can think of is perhaps surf the internet and/or go to Court TV’s website. They might have alot of the investigative material there.
On the Wonderland house. Yes, it is still there and I have been back. There were two teenage boys living there at the time of the filming of Wonderland, but I understand that they have since moved. The house has been fixed up and painted, but is still basically the same.
I do believe in the higher purpose of things that happen in life, as diffucult as they are to understand in tough times, and I do appreciate the opportunity I am given to give back to my community.
Good luck on your research. Be careful not to fall into the urban legends, (there are many), and keep me posted.
Blessings,
Dawn
November 15th, 2004 at 8:13 am
Montana Jack, yes, this is the real Dawn Schiller’s blog. I know her personally and encouraged her to have a blog, along with her close friends and family. Why would you question that? Who else would have the one and only picture of her at fifteen?
This blog has been live for about two months, even though it was, and still is, incomplete. It’s a work in progress. Soon there will be a page about Val Kilmer and Ali Alborzi’s art work used as the design element for this blog and the role Dawn played in it’s creation. Eventually there will be a page about the Wonderland premier.
I hope you and all of Dawn’s readers enjoy what is being offered here and appreciate the courage it has taken for Dawn to put herself in a position to be scrutinized by the public. Her desire to help those who are or have been victims to physical and sexual abuse drives her to tell her story, a story that she guarded for many years. There is hope for these people and Dawn’s courage can give them courage and a ray of light to hold onto.
Thanks for commenting, even if you weren’t sure you were commenting to the real Dawn.
November 15th, 2004 at 12:14 pm
Glo, I’m sorry, but I’m always a little skeptical of things I read and see on the internet. I’ve been the victim of internet scams/hoaxes before hence my skeptisism. I hope you, Dawn and others on here understand. I believe I can bring a lot to this blog as I have had a lot of experiance in the sex, drug and abuse world myself. A lot of which is very painfull to talk about so maybe this is the outlet I need. Thanks for your reply and may good fortune find you all.
November 15th, 2004 at 4:51 pm
I think that you are a brave woman. The movie actually intrigued me, but after watching Kate Bosworths portrayal of you, i felt i wanted to know more. I’m sure the movie only alloted so much time for you. Is the book you wrote available yet for purchase?
November 15th, 2004 at 11:59 pm
I just finished watching it and now I’m intrigued with the whole story. As a recovering addict, the movie did a great jod of conveying the confusion of the whole scene.
I truly hope you’re having a beautiful life now, you deserve it.
November 16th, 2004 at 2:38 am
I was just channel surfing and literally stumbled upon Wonderland. I was totally unaware of the Wonderland murders, then again I was only 11 years old at the time, so I had never even heard of John Holmes until much later in life. Now at age 35, even knowing of John and his death, I never knew of this story. I’m really glad that I was a bit restless and surfing for something to watch. I felt compelled to search the web for your book after watching the closing credits of the movie. What is the title of the book? My interest if peaked and would like to read more.
November 16th, 2004 at 5:40 am
I watched the movie in its entirety earlier this morning. I was intrigued from the very start, mainly because of the subject matter. After viewing this movie, I was interested enough to do some internet searching and that is how I came across your site. This is a great place and I have every intention of bookmarking it for further reading.
Val Kilmer did his usual great job of portraying his “character”! There really couldn’t have been anyone else suitable for John’s part and it’s wonderful that he was available for the film.
I really enjoyed watching the movie, but I have to honestly say that the freebasing scenes disturbed me. This is why: for the last six months I have been in recovery from active addiction. It’s really weird how one can go from not really thinking about picking up a pipe, stem, etc one minute and the next instant, in a scene from a movie where someone is smoking – BAM! Those thoughts of using come into play! That was really the only time during the course of the movie where I was uncomfortable in watching. The rest of the movie was interesting to watch.
On another note, not only have I been the victim of drug addiction, but domestic violence as well. So, the scene where Mr. Kilmer’s hand (in shadow, I believe) was coming down on your head was one I could really relate to. I truly feel that you are such a brave woman to have your experiences brought to life on the big screen. After watching “Wonderland” I can understand that every detail couldn’t have been portrayed due to time constraints so I really lookfoward to reading your book when it comes out.
Laura J.
November 16th, 2004 at 9:11 am
just saw the movie about a week or 2 ago. im only 17 and had never heard about the wonderland murders prior to this. thats not why i rented it either, it was unexpected. the movie was really entertaining. i didnt know it was based on a true story till the end. pretty insane shit.
November 16th, 2004 at 5:52 pm
I thought it was interesting and powerful film that discusses the horrors and powerful effects of drug abuse.
I think you have a lot of courage to come forward and help on a fil that caused you so much pain (both physical and mental).
God Bless,
S. Clark
November 18th, 2004 at 11:43 am
I loved the movie. I knew who John Holmes was but I had never heard of the Wonderland murders or had any idea of his involvment with it. It was so powerful and like many others on the board, I wanted to know more.
November 18th, 2004 at 11:53 am
I was at the airport once when I noticed John Holmes walk in and I talked to him and we spoke on the plane he seemed nice than I heard of the murders and did not follow the case. I did see the movie last night and it gave me a look into his life- his drug life and I felt so sad for you and Sharon. The love was there but the hurt also showed thur. I know about pain as I was in a abusive marriage for 12 years but we go on but I am sure the good thoughts of John are also there. I am looking forward to reading the book. Thank you for sharing your love and tough times with everyone.
November 18th, 2004 at 3:37 pm
Dawn,
I saw the movie, and appreciated that it didn’t depict the “glamor” (if that is the right word) of the world of drugs and sex, and movies and television often do. You are an inspirational woman, and should be so proud of yourelf for overcoming all of the obstacles that you did, and moving on to a healthy, happy lifestyle. I am in the educaiton field, and am wondering if you have ever been a motivational speaker before. If you haven’t, would you ever consider it? Not only for drug prevention and awareness, but also for abusive realtionships. I think you have an incredible story to tell, and can’t wait to buy your book. Best wishes,
Heidi
November 19th, 2004 at 1:28 am
Hello,
Wow, alot of great comments suddenly and I really appreciate them. It seems everyone can relate in one way or another…the truth is we all have a story to tell. I know that although Wonderland did it’s best with the time alotted to show the important parts of Sharon and my story, it also was impossible to tell it all….and as far as those who can relate to the love and abuse are concerned, it is obvious that there is much more to our story than meets the eye here.
The working title of the book is “The Road Through Wonderland” and it is, as I have mentioned, in the editing process.
As for the critics who thought it glamorized drugs, well I have to say the exact opposite. The reviews were very cold, and hurtful…like robotic technical writings with little respect for the survivors of the ordeal. But well, apparently the movie wasn’t meant for them. I do agree that it is a cautionary tale. I’m lucky…I’m damn lucky… I almost didn’t make it, many times. To come to this point where I can actually talk about the events, advocate counseling and encourage recovery, took a long time. But today I am well and willing to share my story to offer hope. A motivational speaker? Interesting. Someone else just mentioned this to me. I suppose if I am called on to do something like that and it seemed the right thing to do, than I would stand up to the plate. But I am not a guru of any kind, only someone who found her voice and am so very grateful that I did.
I have learned to carry these words near to my heart:
You can’t give it away unless you got it; and
you can’t keep it unless you give it away!
Blessings,
Dawn
November 19th, 2004 at 1:55 pm
Dawn,
The reviews that were written obviously, like you said, the movie wasn’t for them. However, in addition to it not being meant to them, those who wrote, have very clearly have not been there and done that like we survivors have.
Your story offered tremendous hope for me and again, thanks for sharing!
With much respect,
Laura J
November 20th, 2004 at 7:39 pm
i taped the movie so i could watch it in greater detail, and yes i noticed the black eyes too. you’re very lucky in many ways. of getting away from john and actually for not having a child with him. it would have been just more way for him to control you. i can’t say i’ve even comprehend what you went through, but if i didn’t cut the ties to old “friends” i would have been in alot of trouble myself. i have a question though, did the police try to get you to testify against john, or try to get you for withholding information involving the murders? i have been in the wrong place and the wrong time and was pulled into court, with everyone thinking i was going to be their scape goat. all i can say is that sharing your experience maybe a way to save someone from drugs or themselves. thanks for opening up, God bless and take care of yourself and your family.
November 21st, 2004 at 11:23 am
Hi,
Yes, I am lucky. Lucky that I am alive. The thought about children was never a threat. John was sterile…much to the dismay of his admirers. He found out during an “ahem” private hospital stay in 1979 (I won’t say why) and Sharon, as his wife at the time, still has the paperwork.
The police, in my case, were extremely kind to me. I have to say, they saw how ravaged I was when they arrested John and myself after the murders. They were always respectful and kind to Sharon and me apart from John. The police play a key role in my story and my book will hopefully help put a human face on those who work to protect. Nothing is perfect, I know, but in this case there has been too much harsh judgement from people who just don’t know what really happened. Again, I hope my book can put the reader in touch with the people behind the scenes.
Thanks also for your kind words.
Dawn
November 22nd, 2004 at 12:50 pm
Hey Dawn, great website. What did you think of the Crime scene footage in the DVD. I watched about 5 minutes of it and have been freaked out by it ever since. Just wondering, have you seen it? How do you feel about it being included in the DVD?
November 23rd, 2004 at 3:33 am
That movie is too good, but yet too Crazy to be true. I can’t believe he got away with everything,and I’m really proud of you for getting away when you did. and now having a better life.
November 23rd, 2004 at 10:36 am
Wow did this movie take me back. I’m not the most media concious person and I admit I had no idea this movie was being made & caught it completely by accident on cable. I lived in LA in those years & played in a band. We played both the Starwood quite a few times and the roller rink disco thing Nash had nearby. I went to 2 parties at Nash’s house. Although at the time it seemed like the ultra cool thing to do, in retrospect he seems a rather distateful person. Without being prejudiced, he seemed to have a distinct Middle Eastern attitude towards women as I recall, there are some stories I could relate but won’t here, I’m quite sure you have your own. I followed the actual case quite closely as it was covered in the media.
I never met John, but we had many mutual friends in those years as it seemed in those days rock ‘n roll & porno were very closely aligned. Now that I think about it, they really still are I guess.
Yours is a true litany of survival & an amazing tale of what was happening in so many ways at that time in the LA “scene”. I was delighted to find this site & your honesty is truly wonderful. There are many who I think can learn from what we all went thru in those days & indeed in many ways I’m surpised I made it. Best of luck.
November 23rd, 2004 at 3:37 pm
Hi Dawn, I really loved Wonderland, although it brought back disturbing memories from my own sordid past. I remember when the Wonderland murders happened. I was only 15, but my boyfriend was 25 and I lived on the road with him…la vida loca. Drugs, sex, general depravity. I lived with an empty feeling that life was cruel and meaningless. I, too, got away and am so glad. Now my life is blissfully boring, and I like it that way. I’m a school teacher (if you can believe that!) and a mother. I never even thought I’d get my high school diploma! I still can’t believe I’m alive. It’s wonderful that you found your way! Best of luck to you!
Kindest Regards,
Katie
P.S. I bought the soundtrack…Love it! Nostalgia, in a sick warped way.
November 24th, 2004 at 10:31 am
I loved the movie “wonderland”. I thought Val was great.. Did you like the way Kaye Bosworht portrayed you?
November 24th, 2004 at 10:43 pm
I drove 2 hours to see the movie in theatre when it came out. I didn’t show in alot of theatres. I remember when the murders happened. I was 18 & really strung out on coke too. I loved the movie!! Very distrubing, yet done very well. I understand that the director filmed the movie in a very short period (27 days?) & it made the actors feel rushed which created that “drug-nervous” atmosphere. Can’t wiat for yoyr book. Glad I found your web site!! I’ve been clean & sober 17 years. Thank you Dawn for sharing part of your story. -John
November 25th, 2004 at 11:41 pm
Awesome movie
lt’s one of about a dozen or so movies l can watch over and over again and not get sick of. Hey Dawn, since you were there, how much of that movie was Wonderland, and how much was Hollywood? Can’t wait for the book.
November 27th, 2004 at 7:00 pm
Hi Dawn I too have just watched the great adaptation of the Wonderland murders, unbeknown to me. I only associated John Holmes with the porn industry and the usual downfall of its celebritys.
I would just like to say I am waiting for the book with great anticipation. And also I find some of the questions a little morbid as if some people actually get enjoyment from such events,it seems as if the darker side of life has a strange pulling affect on some weak souls.I was one of these types in the early 1980’s that made alot of money from the relatively new phenomenon of cocain. I can tell you there is nothing brave or noble about this whole scene people get killed, you get blood on your shoes and in your finger nails. You are constantly looking over your shoulder, add that with the fact you are consuming your own product as well (many times purer than your sold merchandise) and you have a dangerous cocktail of paranoia. You can only imagine the effect this paranoia has on the normal people in your life-it is devastating as you Know Dawn, and it doesn’t stop there years afterwards when you think you’ve cleaned -up your act there are still things that creep back into your life like nightmares for example. Let this and stories like it be a lesson and don’t find a fascination in tales of nights filled with violence and smelling of real danger
November 30th, 2004 at 10:58 am
Did Kate Bosworth portray you accuratly in “Wonderland”?
November 30th, 2004 at 8:52 pm
I really enjoyed the movie, and I believe it could be used as a positive way as showing how drugs can ruin lives. I have seen the “E True Hollywood Story” and I could not believe how much John changed from the time he married Sharon til he died. I am so glad that you got away from him and that you are a happy wife and mother. I believe you are a great inspiration, and I know that you will reach those who are in trouble or in bad situations just by your book and website. I am a middle school teacher, and I would love for someone like you to talk to students because they have so many influences in their lives today such as drugs and also hanging out with the wrong people.
Thanks for sharing your story
Angie
November 30th, 2004 at 11:10 pm
Wow,
Congratulations to everyone above for sharing their own stories—especially the hope. It is absolutely amazing to hear of your years of sobriety and your new lives with families—some as teachers no less! I absolutely love to talk about the survival and the lessons learned. I agree with Stephan above, that sadly, the negative aspects of the film Wonderland might be tempting in a sick way. But unfortunately, the horror of the events are the truth and I would hope that this raw reality would be a real warning for people of the irreversable results of a drugged-out lifestyle.
And as for the question above about how I felt with crime scene footage on the DVD tape, well I couldn’t watch it. It was too harsh to see again on film. I already lived through the real events—I didn’t need to see more. It was all so horribly sad.
Now for the questions regarding Kate Bosworth. She was wonderful! I do really think she captured what I was feeling at the time of the events, even if they were shown out of sequence. At the beginning of every scene we sat together and she asked me as sweetly as she could, how I felt and what I was thinking when I was living through those times with John. And during every break and after every shout of “cut” from the director, we talked about the accuracy of her performance. She was true to my life and my feelings and I commend her for her courage to step into what were some very uncomfortable shoes for those 28 days of filming. I will always thank her for her sensitivity and respect.
Thanks,
Dawn
December 1st, 2004 at 8:06 am
Hello Dawn! I’m italian, so I hope you can understand my english. I saw the movie “Wonderland” and I really appreciated it, it’s a good and interesting job. I’ve some questions to ask you. I’ve read that you came back in L.A. two weeks before John death. Did you meet or visit her and if so how it was? Have you ever been in the Wonderland house? Did you know the members of that gang? I’ve read that they was really evil people. When is your book coming out? I’m waiting patiently and I hope it will translated and sold also in Italy. Sorry again for my bad english.
December 1st, 2004 at 11:53 pm
Dawn,
I really liked the movie. I found this site looking for your book. I also never found the book; “Four on The Floor”. True crime books to me are always better than movies so I really want to read your account of what “really” happened.
One question: Wonderland Ave is close to Laural Canyon. Where did Nash live back then? The movie makes it look like it was right down the road?
Glad to know you have a good life going for you these days,
J.B. in L.A.
December 3rd, 2004 at 4:13 am
Hey Dawn,
! Heres the deal, I have been watching the film since it came out, and find myself more and more attracted every time.. I have always been interested in true crime, and this film blew me away
I sorta remember this happening but the movie made it so vivid and fresh, I feel for you and your ordeal, and am happy to know you are doing well. In the film I could not help but feel sorry for John, was he really used as a Novelty? so to speak???? To me he sounds like a nice guy with talent, that was introduced into the darkside and couldn’t turn back???
I love Wonderland
December 3rd, 2004 at 6:18 pm
Dawn,
Hello again, and like I said before, I really enjoyed the movie, and I even purchased it recently. I have a question to ask you about the movie which has been on my mind since I first saw the movie. I was wondering if any scenes of the “Wonderland” movie was made at the Wonderland Ave. house?
Thanks so much,
Angie
December 5th, 2004 at 1:11 am
Hi Dawn,
The first time I saw “Wonderland”, I had no idea what it was going to be about but was very drawn in by the acting and the way the story was told.
I was a young mother in Phoenix, in those years, and remember what a shock the whole Disco scene was to us hippies back then. It was so bizarre and plastic, and the escalating drug culture was very frightening. We hippies basically doted on pot and LSD. The free-basing thing was a whole new deal.
Anyway, the film was haunting and made me very curious about the real people that went through the experience. (Plus, I gain more and more respect for Val Kilmer with every film—what an amazing actor!)
Coming upon your site, it’s good to see how you’ve progressed and recovered from those events enough to help other people with their own horror stories. God bless you, girl!! And God bless the other souls impacted by these events. Undoubtedly, wherever they are, they’ve also progressed far beyond their Wonderland days.
Take care and keep up the good work!
Robin
December 5th, 2004 at 7:12 pm
I was definately upset with myself for proudly displaying Mr. Holmes’ obit on my school locker my senior year. Anyway, I thought Wonderland was good although I believe the story behind the movie is still much more interesting but i’m sure cramming all that information into less than a 2 hr. movie is quite a task. I am glad to hear you are doing well after such a traumatic adolescence.
*****Question: Did you ever meet any of Johns’ fellow actors or actresses?
*****Question: Did he love sex like some porn actors say thats why they themselves started in the biz or did John just come to the realization that “hey I have a big big gift and its easy money.
Thanks
December 5th, 2004 at 7:50 pm
just wanted to drop a line and say i just watched wonderland last nite and what a fucked up thing you had to go through. glad u r ok now though. but heres this. maybe u can answer for me, what happened to john holmes before he died and after the murders? just being nosey.
December 5th, 2004 at 7:55 pm
just wanted to say i loved the movie, even though that its morbid 4 me to love it, just wasnted to know what happened to john before his death and after the murders? did he go into hiding?>
December 6th, 2004 at 12:15 am
Hello,
Let’s see, wow, there are quite a few questions here and I will do my best to respond.
Yes, I did see John before he died as well as know the people from Wonderland. The specifics, I’m afraid, are key elements written about in my book and my agent has asked me not to discuss them. I can say the experience of seeing John was a huge turning point in my life.
As for Mr. Nash…I’m pretty sure it is public record that he lived off of a cul-de-sac called Dona Lola Place near Laurel Canyon.
Was John a novelty? From the time I met him in 1976, five and a half years before the murders, he felt as if he were being used…I guess you could say like a novelty. I didn’t realize he was at the height of his “career” at the time, probably because he kept me away from the business, but he was constantly disgusted with the industry when he did speak of it and often spat contempt for them. I think that later, when he was at the bottom of his “career” and at the height of his drug-addiction, he was a perfect target to be a “novelty” by other’s who were as insane with drugs. He put himself out there too, against any shred of self-respect he had left, just to score the dope. In my opinion, it was long before the Wonderland murders that John was introduced to the darkside.
The movie Wonderland was not filmed at the original house. Some still shots with Val sitting out front were the only real address shots taken for the film. The inside of the house was masterfully re-created by the set designers. Details like the view from a certain window, stucco on the walls, color of flormica in the kitchen, were identically duplicated inside a studio. Amazing job!
Thanks to Robin from Phoenix and everyone for all the kudos and yes, Val Kilmer is certainly an actor to watch! His re-creation of John was hair raising! And that comes from both Sharon and I who knew John well.
Thanks again for logging on. All I really ask is that if you find anything healing or helpful on this site, pass it along.
Blessings,
Dawn
December 6th, 2004 at 12:49 am
I love the movie! I enjoy the music, cars, and styles. Its been playing on HBO and Showtime and when its on I will usually swith over to it.
I live in the San Fernando Valley and after seeing the movie for the first time I drove over to wonderland avenue and snapped some pictures. Kinda cool to see where the murders actually ocurred. I parked right near the spot where your character and Val Kilmer parked when he ran inside to collect money. Isnt it great living in Los Angeles…
December 6th, 2004 at 1:24 am
PS.
Dawn, I saw some comments about the abuse you’d suffered somewhere on this site but can’t find them now. Just wanted to respond to the thing you said about the director thinking that the public couldn’t bear to see you hurt.
I think they should’ve been just a tad more clear about the abuse that was going on. The whole shadow and bath scene, to me, was just confusing. I didn’t know who’d hit you—Nash or Holmes.
It would’ve shown the dynamic of the relationship in a clearer way and indicated just how divided and self-loathing this man was—-to allow himself to harm the one person he loved. And also how trapped you were in your youth and drug-confusion.
Love your comments, BTW…
My two cents,
Robin
December 6th, 2004 at 8:42 pm
Hi Dawn,
I can hardly believe what you have been through. I read about the Wonderland Murders many years ago in Rolling Stone magazine. I wondered what had become of you, and hoped you made it through. From the looks of things, you have.
I saw the movie for the first time last week. I don’t know if I liked it, but it did keep my interest. I just feel so badly for those who were killed, and for you who went through so much because of your feelings for this misguided man.
I thought I’d do a “google” on your name, and ta-dah! You have a blog site. Glad to have found it, and I look forward to reading your book. I’m sure you’ll let us know when it becomes available.
Be well and bless you.
Jen.
December 8th, 2004 at 4:39 pm
hi all
I’m from Moscow and I have very bad English =))
! and once again sorry for my bad English plz ))))))
But i must to say , movie very like me! and i want to read your book Dawn
P.s. Salton sea is good movie to!
December 13th, 2004 at 10:24 am
Hello Dawn. I had never heard of John Holmes nor Wonderland until I recently rented this movie. To actually have lived through that shows that you are a very strong willed person and I admire you for that. I became very interested in the story and found this site.
However, I also have found a different site telling a different story. At least when it comes to you. I found a site where John’s second wife, I believe her name is Laurie writes that this movie is very untrue. I do not believe her, just the way she talks makes her seem greedy and she feels that being his wife she is entitled to something. I’m not sure if you can comment about this but she states that everything in the Wonderland movie is portrayed to make John look guilty and you and Sharon plotted it that way because he hated both of you. I obviously don’t know any of you but it seems to me that John at one time did have a lot of love for both you and Sharon. I was just curious as to if anything she says is true or if she’s just jealous.
I am looking forward to your response and reading your book when it comes out.
God Bless!
December 16th, 2004 at 6:37 pm
Incredible movie. Absolutely incredible. I’ve watched the movie at least twenty times. I’m completely enthralled by it. After watching it the last time, about ten minutes ago, I saw that you had recently finished a book on the subject. Not knowing that you were so involved in the movie, I decided to go online and search for the title of the book and stumbled across your site. I am amazed that the movie is so much more accurate than I had originally thought. Kudos to you for the courage to relive such a horrific time in your life. I might be wrong in saying this, but for such a grievous story, it sure made the late 70s and early 80s look like a fun time to live in L.A. I think that the entire emotional spectrum that you were trying to convey definitely penetrated the viewers. I just wanted to let you know that everyone associated with the film did a wonderful job. I can’t wait for the book to be released, and you can count me in as a sure customer. I wish you the best and hope your success continues. You deserve it.
December 16th, 2004 at 9:57 pm
I just finished watching the movie for like the 5th time .The movie was amazing I have seen it many times and can relate to love shared between dawn and john..
In the book will there be any photos of you and john together ? and will the book be about he whole time you were together or will it be based on the murders?
December 17th, 2004 at 11:46 am
Dawn:
Wow. I just saw the movie for the first time the other night, and since it’s been on since, I watched it 2 more times. I was extremely mesmorized. I remember when it happened, but I didn’t know the details. I give you alot of credit. You pulled yourself out of a life that was going nowhere, and here you are living a normal, happy life with a wonderful family. I cannot wait fo your book! I love to read, especially true stories.
Well, take care, and good luck!!
December 22nd, 2004 at 7:29 am
Dawn, I loved the movie. I loved your character. I knew of John Holmes but like a lot of fans posted, never heard of Wonderland. The movie really got into my head and to date I have watched it 8 times trying to understand. Every time I watch it, I learn or see something new. I have a some questions that I hope are not redundant from other postings here. (1) When you first became intimate with John, was Sharon aware? (2) Was she always so motherly to you, even though you were intimate with her husband? (3) When you saw John before he died, was it horribly painful to you even though it had been many years? (4) It seemed from the movie that John was deeply in love with you and still Sharon, is that accurate? (5) After you escaped from John, did you ever want to return to him? AND (6) Even though he was violent, were there times that he was a loving, caring man? Do you believe that the violence was directly related to the drugs? I hope to hear from you. Happy Holiday, Christine
January 9th, 2005 at 10:01 pm
Dawn, I just saw the movie tonight and thought it was amazing. I loved all the actors in it and thought they did an amazing job. Congratulations! I also had a question about the movie: After Kate Bosworth has to pretend that she’s some girl named Gabrielle, she is in a bathtub with black eyes. When she left the house and came into the car, she was fine looking but crying out of shame obviously. Then Val Kilmer is washing her and says something about how he’s going to wash it all off? What is he talking about and what happened to make her eyes black? Also, I would also like to know if you and Sharon were always close. Once again, I commend your bravery and I congratulate you, it was an amazing film.
January 11th, 2005 at 9:51 am
Hi Shanna,
What happened was that John hit me. If you watch closely after Val and Kate walk into the motel, the sillouhette of John’s fist can kind of be seen coming down on me. This actually got dimmed out from it’s original version because the director said it would be too hard for people to take and they needed John to appear more sympathetic. I could understand that.
Thanks,
Dawn
January 14th, 2005 at 10:43 pm
I found this website around mid December and love it
! I check it on a daily basis for new post and comments. I was familiar with the Wonderland murders and John’s involvement and knew briefly of his relationship with Dawn although I had the impression that she was Sharon’s niece. I first posted on Dec. 23rd under Violence: A Great Speech. I closely relate to Dawns story of abuse and drugs I feel as if I know her. I am sure others share these same feelings with me. I would like to share how I feel about Wonderland the movie.
I love it and think it was well put together and told the story (of the murder events) wonderfully in the time frame of the movie. It has a great soundtrack that I feel fits and helps tell the story. I like the back and forth, the two different stories told by David and John the different scenarios of what could have happened. There are several little things that in my opinion help the movie along. When Dawn is lying on the bed asking John not to go there is a quick flash of he Wonderland house (it is of the wall with blood and flesh falling). The scene where Ron throws the VCR (I am assuming that’s what it is) it is shown twice first in the beginning after he picks up Dawn from Sally then later they show him using the phone then he returns argues with Ron and there it goes out the window. He had called and got his messages went and picked up Dawn then came back for his cut. I did not notice this one at first I think that is why it stands out to me. The bathtub scene is another I liked it showed the abuse but not in a manner that would take away from the Wonderland Murders since that is what the movie is about (even though personally I would have liked more of Dawns life with John I can’t wait for the book). I like the way they did not focus on the abuse toward Dawn and showed a side of John that she knew and fell in love with like the playing in the car him saying I think we should be just friends and him crying while she is in the house with Nash even if it was ruthless what he forced her to do. I am not up holding his actions in anyway but to me it showed a side of him that very few knew. I could go on and on. It is a great movie in my opinion and look forward to Dawn’s book. I know in my heart how hard it must have been to relive and put into words some of the awful things that happened in her life with John. I am proud of you Dawn Schiller for standing up and using something that was so bad in your life to help and do good for others you have made me think and appreciate my life even more.
Marie Treino
January 20th, 2005 at 1:45 pm
Thank you Marie. Your comments about the movie are very astute and you have expressed a connection with alot of the film makers vision of what Wonderland was supposed to be.
Thank you also for your appreciation of me. I really am humbled. Like I’ve said before, it is for those of us who understand the conflict, the heartache of loving someone who ends up hurting you. If I can offer any solace or hope to even one person, then my sharing is worth it. In truth, we all have this to give. A lesson, some hard earned wisdom to pass on. If we are courageous and willing we can all do something.
Blessings,
Dawn
January 27th, 2005 at 10:21 am
Hi Dawn—“Wonderland” is an intense movie. I loved it. Your own story is incredible. Two questions for you:
i) My favorite character in the movie hands-down is Ron Lanius. Is Josh Lucas’ portrayal of him accurate?
ii) It appears that the film was not a commercial success. I am trying to figure out why. I’ve heard that the film was pulled from theaters early for legal reasons. Is that true?
Thanks. Hope you are well.
January 27th, 2005 at 1:57 pm
Dawn,
The movie was dark,intriging, and the acting was extraordinary…..I find it so interestinig that Sharon and yourself have remained close…..Her concern for you and John was clearly apparent….I’m glad you pulled your life together….It is also apparent that John had so much potential….how sad for all of the victims….please excuse this question..but….was John a good lover???
January 27th, 2005 at 6:10 pm
I loved wonderland I had a hard time tracking it down to purchase it, but it was totally worth it. The story was tragic, but the movie was done excellent and very sensitive to the events. Wonderland is now one of my favorite movies. I now own the soundtrack and a couple of t-shirts. I would love it if you (Dawn could drop me couple of lines via Email) as I think you’re a great inspiration and I am a big fan of Johns.
February 5th, 2005 at 11:37 am
Wonderland was a good film, but I’m always interested to know what Dawn thinks.
February 7th, 2005 at 8:04 am
Phillip,
The movie wasn’t pulled from theatres early it just didn’t make it to very many of them was the case.
I had to drive about 50 miles to a larger town to see it. I don’t know why this was as it was a good movie. Maybe it was a little too controversial for small town America.
One good thing about it, it does seem to have a better DVD release and has also recently been on Cinemax
February 9th, 2005 at 1:52 am
Dawn,
I’m not sure if you might be getting sick of hearing how great all of us out here think you did with the experiences handed to you ….... but here we go again ! Great movie, all that is missing is MORE! It leaves the viewer with just totally wanting to know your every thought and wanting to know what made John tick you know how did it come to this… the drugs are a given factor in his tragic life but did he ever express a wish to get clean? I know firsthand how drugs can influence you to do some really degrading things and I can only hope that he was able to hang onto the dream that maybe he could turn it all around tomorrow, sometimes that dream is all a person has left to hold. Again I’m glad you are able to live a happy life and so sad that John has lost his.
Keep the Faith, Kimberly
February 16th, 2005 at 2:25 pm
Hello Dawn,
I saw the movie last week, and liked the movie – even though it was extremely hard to watch at times. I’ve known some people in a deep drug (cocaine) addiction, and they could really get SCARY. It always started as a cool thing – you feel like you are totally in control. Then it takes control of you. You said it was hard to get out of that life and I definitely agree with you. The guy I was with seemed so powerful to me and I wanted so badly to make him happy. He was very manipulative. He knew how to make me feel like the most important person in the world, but also the lowest. The good times were so high, and the bad times were so low. The whole life was so surreal – it seemed almost glamorous at times to me – all the drugs and the crowd that came with them. I had to leave town and completely start over. My situation was not at the level yours was, and I can’t imagine exactly how hard it was for you to move on. I really commend you on that! I can just say that there were so many parts of the movie that I identified with, and I’m glad you had the strength to share your story.
Peace,
Erin
February 18th, 2005 at 2:05 am
Dawn:
Let me first say that I truely admire you for the way interact and respond to the visitors of your website. Secondly, I am equally plesently surprised to see that the real Dawn Schiller has a website and keeps herself somewhat in the public eye (I will explain this staement better later).
That said, I have seen “Wonderland” from start to finish about 4-5 times, and I have seen parts of it lately, it is currently frequently on cable, about 10-12 times. I am a movie buff, and I love films that based on a true story and actully try to protray the individuals involved.
After watching “Wonderland” thr first time, and then every time after, I have to say that the John Holmes character, played by Val Kilmer, does not come off as the abusive person you describe on your website. I am NOT calling you a lier, I take your accounts of John as the truth; however, in the film, I found myself liking the guy, feeling sorry for the guy, and then routing for the guy to straighten himself out and make things right with Sharon. It took me a few viewings of the film to really figure your character out, and even now, after the way it ended (before the epiloges), it seemed you two were going to make it….....(then it says you left him 6 months later, which, from the way you were protrayed, makes no sense…the Dawn in “Wonderland” would not have left John). Again, this is my reaction to the film, not any critcism of you.
Anyway, I just finished watching “Wonderland” again and I had the urge to GOOGLE your name….which is how I got here. Again, I have to say how happy I am you are doing well and have the interest and the courage to keep yourself out in the public eye (I did the same thing after watching “Blow” to see if Kristing Jung had a website…Nope).
Lastly, I have one statement, and one questions….my question first – in a hypothetical universe, you were able to see John one more time on this earth, what would you say to him? Now for the comment – I wish you and your family and loved one health, happiness and peace…may God be with you.
Chris
February 19th, 2005 at 2:34 pm
Hi,
I’m not surprised that you saw a John in the movie you liked. John was at the time of the murders trying his best to be endearing again towards me. The abuse I mention on this site is abuse of the years before the Wonderland murders. In the movie there is only one reference to his violent side when he picks me up after Eddie Nash’s house. This is a flashback from six months before the murders and it implies that he hit me in the motel and then we see him scrubbing me in the bathtub afterwards. Here the director faded out the hitting scene because his intent was to have the audience like him and be sympathetic.
Anyway, I hope this explains things a bit better for you. It is a complicated story to understand with regard to John, Sharon and myself. Therefore my book.
Thanks again,
Blessings.
Dawn
February 20th, 2005 at 2:32 am
Dawn:
Thank you for you reply! Your comments do explain things somewhat better, but I think I failed to make my overall point about “Wonderland.” What I meant was I feel that Val Kilmer’s portral of John was somewhat glamorizing, somewhat like Johnny Depp in “Blow playing George Jung, although that is apples and oranges. I just feel they should have made John more as you describe him and less then a chacter from “Dazed and Confused.”
Anyway, Thank you again for you reply! When will your book be out, and will you be doing signings anywhere?
Chris
PS. Did you forget about my 1 question, or did you feel that you did not want to share that information? “Lastly, I have one statement, and one questions….my question first – in a hypothetical universe, you were able to see John one more time on this earth, what would you say to him?” Just asking.
February 20th, 2005 at 12:16 pm
Hello again,
Well, Christopher, I’m glad I was able to clear up some things for you and no I didn’t forget your second question. Just overlooked it. I see that I have overlooked a few other questions above. Some of them are already answered in other parts of this blog and I am limited with my time and some of them, well, there are no simple answers.
As for your second question. I did an interview about a year and a half ago with the New York Times who asks the same question. There I answered: “You could have been big”, as the one last thing I would say to John, but right now when I think about it, all that comes to me if I stood with him face to face is, “Peace”. Nothing more.
Today is definitely a good day.
Blessings,
Dawn
Oh, and thank you to everyone that I wasn’t able to comment on above personally. I sincerely love the sharing of similar stories and to hear of your triumphs as well. Keep the faith.
March 3rd, 2005 at 10:50 am
Dawn,
I first seen wonderland shortly after it was released and I have seen it a few times since then. After viewing it for the first time it made me think a lot. I am really into true story films and this one really caught my interest. I wanted to know what happened to the survivor, what happened to you, John Sharon etc. So I began looking online and I came acroos this page a while ago but have not really had the chance to comment until now.
First of all, I know you have probably been asked this quite a few times but I really was curious if you don’t mind me asking, what od you think really happened to casue the wonderland murders? And how invoved do you think or know John Holmes was? In the movie they show two sides of what happened and I can’t really figure out which was the truth. Did John rat them out on his own or was he really forced to? If you can’t answer theses questions I understand.
Then I wanted to know where you were during the murders and the robbery. And when John returned to where you were did you have any idea this stuff was going on? The movie didn’t really go into too much depth about all that. I cannot believe that anyone would have to go through what you had to.
It truly is an amazing story and I am grateful that you have this site to answer questions. The movie made me really want more. And since then I have seen a few movies that reference to Eddie Nash and it makes me think over and over again about the movie. Although the movie was in many wasys disturbing, I cannot help but wnat to know more and more. It really makes one think.
If you can I would like to know any details that may help complete the story. I was also curious about the survior, and if you have had any contact with her since the murders? and if she was left with any life changing injuries form this horrible attack? Thank you so much for this site. I can not express how great I think it is for you to do this. I hope all is well and god bless.
Mandy
March 6th, 2005 at 1:52 am
Hi Again:
It is 3:45am and Wonderland just came on cable, so I thought I would check out your blog again. Thank you for takingthe time to answer my questions….most people, famous or not, would not do so with the frequency you do. I find your life so interesting I could pick your brain forever…but I will limit myself to 2 questions (If these are answered in other sections…please let me know).
1) During your relationship with John, did you every meet and/or hang out with the like of a younger Ron Jeremy or other adult stars that are still around today? If so, did any of them try to contact after WOnderland came out?
2) Will you be doing book signings in Florida?
Chris
March 6th, 2005 at 4:28 am
Thank you so much for sharing your stories.
I just saw Wonderland tonight for the first time with my husband. Growing up in the Valley, anything kind of porn-related during the 70’s and 80’s reminds us of our youth. It was just all around us growing up. It wasn’t uncommon for a shoot to be at the house next door or to actually run into a porn star.
I met John when I was very young, probably around 6 years old (I am 31 now). My family and I used to hang out at the Westwood Marquis hotel every weekend, and I’d see John there. Of course, I had no idea who he was! But I remember him being very charming. He was sweet to me and even asked me to dance with him. He went out of his way to make me feel special.
A lot of celebs would hang out there, but I remember him getting a lot of attention when he showed up.
Years later when I was old enough to know who he was, I couldn’t believe my mom let me hang out with him! – not so much because of the porn, but everything else. My father was a heavy drug user and he and his musician/celeb friends were very heavy into the scene – my mom was super squeaky clean and by the time I was six she distanced herself from all that. She tried to protect me from all of that.
I was obviously very young and have faded memories, but I mostly just remember how good he made me feel. As a survivor of abuse at an even younger age, anyone who paid me attention when I was small was such a big deal. I had only seen him a few times but I was smitten (as only a 6 year old can) and grateful for any attention. With all that must have been going on in his life then, I guess it is good to know that somewhere inside he had the ability to touch someone in a positive way?
Anyway, I can easily see how you started a relationship with him, and at 15. My whole family found him charming and that’s not easy for them to do!
I am just so glad that you are surviving and can remember the good times and also turn the extremely negative memories into something positive. You have been through so much and it looks like you have made your life, instead of letting a period when you were vunerable get you.
March 8th, 2005 at 9:44 pm
Hello Dawn,
A very good friend of mine has the movie and she let me watch it and I loved it. I am still trying to find a copy of my own, maybe one of these days I will luck out. I am so glad you are doing so well today. I have seen a couple of girls where I am from getting beaten up by their boyfriends and husbands and they wouldn’t leave them because of drugs. They were afraid if they left them they would not be able to afford their habits, at least that is why I think they stayed. Did you ever have to be put in the hospital or suffer any bone fractures from John Holmes?
March 16th, 2005 at 1:20 am
Dawn
I thought the movie was very interesting but it only got 3 out of 5 stars in most reviews down here (Australia that is). I knew the story already and was looking forward to seeing what happened. I thought John was thoroughly unlikeable. My response to him and his constantly lying and posing would have been a lot more like Sharon’s. Why did you like him and why did you stay with him? What did your parents think of the relationship?
I still can’t believe that you came out of that time so well.
March 22nd, 2005 at 7:55 am
I thought the movie was well done.The acting was excellent. I don’t understand how someone can say that it “glamorizes” drug use. There was nothing appealing about hanging out at the Wonderland Apt. I thought it was an accurate portrayal of how bad drug addiction can be, and the type of people you’re willing to hangout with when your desperate for drugs. It’s possible that the critics or whoever it is that feels the movie glamorized drug use may not have understood just how much drug use there was.(takes one to know one…just a thought)
I also understand how you stayed with John. The thought process of a young teenager doesn’t consider things like leaving ,seeking help or knowing that there is more to life than that particular relationship. I’m glad you moved on. Bless you and your family.
I do have a question. Did John ever try to quit using and if so how long did he stay clean for.
March 24th, 2005 at 11:10 am
Hello,
Great comments here. People on the outside looking in find it very difficult to understand abuse. Drugs are often involved and used as a means to control the person. With their strong addictive properties, drugs leave the person dealing with a powerful destructive habit as well as the complexities of fear of abuse.
You know, John was charming, but when we first met, I didn’t like him at all. I thought he was a geek…an old geek. He worked on a relationship with me, befriending my family first. That gave him the kind of clout he needed to get my attention. I had no clue about his profession, so didn’t have any preconceived admiration for him. He was just a guy to me. A guy who worked his way into my life. When he finally got my fifteen year old eyes to look at him, he was extraordinarily kind, gentle and protective of me. He charmed me and had me as his OWN for years before drugs came into the picture and before the Wonderland murders. He had more control over me than the movie depicts.
Yes, to the question of broken bones. And no, John wouldn’t let me go to the hospital.
To Jen,
When coke first came into our lives, John tried to quit all the time. At first he was able to stay clean for about a month…then he slipped. After that the time got shorter and shorter, until he was only clean when he slept…if that.
Hope this sheds some light.
Blessings,
Dawn
April 1st, 2005 at 4:23 pm
I posted this on a Val forum…it is a terriffic…true to life…frightening…thought provoking…pull your heart strings…make you sick to your stomach…unforgettable movie.
I knew people like that…I loved a guy named John who was a lot like JH…even called himself Johnny Wadd and his brothers name was Ronnie. It was hard to watch the first time. I was young and naive like you were and the good times were really good but the bad times were worse. I saw guns fired into the air (in an apartment and not on the top floor either) like that and I washed plenty of blood off of him that I would discover was not his. I know I don’t know you but I feel like I do…at least a little. I know what it is like to love someone like that, fear him, hate him, pity him and then eventually have to leave him. It is not an easy decision…but it is life or death in the end. I could not sleep that night, but I watched it again the next day and wow, what performances. There are two sides to people like that and everybody got that point across remarkably well. You are a brave person to tell your story like that and to help make that film.
Can I ask you a question?. For me things got worse between us after I quit using…was it the same for you?.
Your friend if you ever want one,
Laurel
April 2nd, 2005 at 1:53 am
Hi,
I am a biography buff and I have always watched entirely too much television. So I had heard about the Wonderland murders a while ago. I was also a curious teenage/college student and watched a lot of adult movies in my life, so I knew who John Holmes was. I was 15 when he died, and I remember hearing about it on the news. It was a few months later that I saw my first “John Holmes Movie”. Just wondering Dawn, if you have ever seen any of his movies? I have seen Sharon in an interview state that she never saw any of his movies.
The movie was well done I think, although disturbing and sad. Again, I am a biography buff…I love reading true stories and cannot wait until your book comes out.
By the way, you have the most beautiful eyes. Blessings to you.
Chelsea
April 4th, 2005 at 3:34 am
I first saw “Wonderland” a couple months ago, sometime in January 2005, I believe. At first, I admit, I was a bit appalled by it all, but intrigued, as true-to-life stories have always been interesting to me. I just watched it for the second time tonight, April 4, 2005, and have a better respect and understanding of it all. I feel for you and Sharon and am really interested in your book because I would love to know the whole story. I think you are a survivor and your story will help others to know that they, too, can survive and overcome anything in their lives. It will also show that they are not alone because there is always someone with them. That someone may be the last person on this planet they would think of who would be caring enough to help them. I think that Sharon truly was an unexpected ally for you. You may not have thought that, but from an outsider looking in, she is the most unlikely ally. I think it’s beautiful what you two have. I also think it’s wonderful of you to willingly share your story. I’m sure that while it’s been painful to relive that part of your lives, it’s been very cleansing and healing. I believe as you do, that everything happens for a reason. Unfortunately your life wasn’t what anyone would seek out, however, I firmly believe that you were destined to live it so that you could help others live theirs. So that you could show them that no matter what comes, there is ALWAYS a way out. I cannot begin to imagine how your life was affected by all of this, but it seems to me from reading your posts and from reading articles, that you’ve definitely come a long way and are doing VERY well. I hope your daughter sees this and makes “better” decisions than you did. Having two children, one of whom is a girl, I firmly believe that educating your children on real life is the best way to help them to make good decisions in their lives. It’s the best way to ensure they’ll make educated decisions and not go into any situation blindly or feel they have to “settle”. I hope your daughter learns what she needs to from this and is able to carry it with her and pass it on to her children, as well as others. Maybe your experiences will prompt her to be an advocate for women. Nothing but good can come from all o