If I told you I have been busy, you may think, "what the hell, we are all busy!" So let me steal a second of my precious little time to say I sincerely believe my agent comes from hell. (Yes, I hope she reads this.) She wants more..... More detail, thoughts, visions, senses, feelings, smells, sounds and any other sensations. More, more, more. Damn it. Doesn't she know that I'm already ripping every shred of memory out from my roots. It hurts...and I just want her to tell me enough, "This is good Dawn, they will love it!"

To be honest, I really only want them to say, "Oh. I see. Interesting." Or something similar to acceptance of the damn reality of the events. But NOOOOOO! Publishers want it all, I'm told. Argh. This is hard.

I have the hotline again this weekend. Last weekend the domestic violence calls just wouldn't stop. Women in serious crisis, all needing real help; crying, unable to breath or think. They didn't know what to do and their legs were cramping and they didn't understand why. Why was this happening to them? "It's not you," I told them. "Nobody has the right to hit you. No matter what. Nobody! You deserve a good life. To be treated well." The sad part is that they didn't follow through. They never showed up for help on Monday to go to the safe house or get the restraining order. Damn. I know this made it harder for me to write deeper, like my agent wanted, about my own experience with John Holmes. Much harder.

For all of you who have been so patient for my book, here is the latest update. I have been overhauling the book as it had been written, by my agent's instruction. She is tough. It seems it will not be released by late this year or early next. It is now in the hands of my agent and when she feels it will be ready to take to a publisher. "Soon, Dawn. It will be soon," she tells me. But in agent-ese I'm really not sure what this means. I hope most of you can hold on, and if you can't, I understand. Right ab0ut now, I'm not sure how I'm holding on with all of the rewrites she wants.

God, I hope the hotline doesn't ring again today,