I found this on the side of my refrigerator. It has been there for about a year-and-a-half, written by my then almost 8-year-old daughter. She knows I have written this book. She knows it is about a real hard time with a man who hurt me, but she cannot comprehend the depth of cruelty that occurred and how humans are capable of inflicting terrible pain on one another.

Still, she will get older and with age have more exposure to an unfair life. With the passage of time, I hope she will see why I wrote this book. I hope she will see how my intention was to expose an ugly truth that is too often swept from sight, and passed off with excuses as okay. I hope she will see how I wrote this book with her in my heart, her mom’s story of pain and consequences, to protect her.

She cannot change who her mother is, and she does not need to take on my path. She has her own story, and I love her for drawing me this picture….

Dawn
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Click here for more information on my upcoming presentations.indexcfm

I finish my studies on Throwaway Teen Abuse Prevention. In the next few weeks I will be turning this into a power point presentation and putting it out to the public on June 10, 2009 at my local university to faculty, students and the public. Through a grant I received from our tribal foundation and sponsored by my local shelter, I am able to give my presentation at three venues. The second presentation will be at the local library in town and the third will be a the university’s  Writing 131 class during summer session.

As some of you know, I come to this topic because of my own story. I was a throwaway, a kid who grew up with violence and neglect at home. I was abandoned and left vulnerable as a teen, that in my case, made me “easy” to approach and seduce by John Holmes.

I don’t always understand why it doesn’t sound strange to people that a 32 year old porn star was seeking out the company of a 15 year old kid. He buddied up to my dad and sold him pot. My dad looked the other way. In truth, everyone looked the other way. Why?

As I conducted my research for this presentation, it truly sucked discovering how much of a statistic I was. Along with the overwhelming government statistics I found, I also uncovered terrible hidden narratives, short stories written anonymously in classrooms, that to me, more accurately represents the many unreported teens living today in painful and unfair circumstances. Knowing this also made me very aware that I was/am not the only one, and ignites my passion to raise awareness and educate communities to prevent and care for these throwaway teens.

Stay tuned please. The more I discover the more I want to share the hope.

Dawn

It’s high time to be posting something…anything! Right?

I’ll start with news of a committee that I sit on. The President’s Commission on the Status of Women, or PCSW. This is a committee based out of my local University, and every year during National Women’s Week the PCSW selects from a pool of outstanding women from the community, faculty, staff, and students. This is my second year serving here and there is always alot of work to get things organized, but everything finally came to fruition the first week of March. Kathleen Dahl won for outstanding faculty and Sharon Mendoza won for outstanding citizen. Professor Dahl had quite a history of being the odd woman out and standing strong, so her success as this year’s awardee was deserved. But Ms. Mendoza was the underdog, and won my heart.

It snows where I live in the Winter. Well, let’s be real. It snows Fall, Winter and half of Spring to be modest. At the corner of our town square, every Friday early evening a small handful of people stand waving a blue flag with the words “peace” sewn in white. The thing is, on many of the blustery, freezing, evenings there is only one person standing waving her flag for peace. It is Ms. Mendoza.

That image, the one of her standing with her flag in some of the most frigid weather in Eastern Oregon, was the face of courage and bravery to me. And as I closed my eyes to contemplate on the cast of deserving nominees, Ms. Mendoza’s lone figure wouldn’t leave my thoughts and I placed my vote.

It’s tough to pick an awardee out of a pool of very deserving women, but we (the committee) did good.
Dawn

MEDALLION PRESS LAUNCHES A NONFICTION LINE!
St. Charles, Illinois “August 1, 2008” Medallion Press, Inc., is pleased to announce the debut of a nonfiction line, with the first title available in stores August 2010. This new imprint will cover areas of motivation and strength, self-help, and autobiographies. This will be the seventh imprint for Medallion Press, adding it to the family of fiction imprints, including the new Medallion Masterpiece Collection, which will unveil its first title in November 2008.

The first release of our nonfiction line will be an autobiographical look at the life of Dawn Schiller, a woman who, as a teenager, became wrapped up in the bizarre life of legendary porn star John Holmes, and the drugs, beatings, and murders that soon consumed her world. In The Road through Wonderland, Dawn will give a recounting of her life, starting with her childhood, leading through her relationship with John Holmes, and through the struggle she encountered to overcome her past. In 2003, Lions Gate released the film Wonderland, a look at the life of John Holmes and his connection with the Wonderland Murders. Actor Val Kilmer, who played John, and actress Kate Bosworth, who played Dawn, will both contribute a foreword to the book.

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IMAGINE ALL THE PEOPLE…….

Today is John Lennon’s birthday…..

Today marks six weeks since my daughter’s surgery, she has been given the all clear by the doctors. We call this her recovery day.

Today I can announce the news that “The Road Through Wonderland” has found a publisher.

JUST IMAGINE….

Thank you all for keeping the faith,

Dawn

My latest DV Shelter event took place last night. I would like to share with you some of the wonderful people that gave of their time and talent. The event was an amazing success!

Jimmy Lloyd Rea – File photo
People who love the blues and a good cause are in for a rockin good time Saturday night when Shelter From the Storm hosts the second annual Jimmy Lloyd Rea Birthday Bash at the Eagles Lodge.
Not only does the 7 p.m. fundraiser coincide with Rea’s birthday, it also comes along at the start of October, Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Shelter board member and event organizer Dawn Schiller said it all fits together very nicely.
This is a wonderful way to launch the observance, and also to let the community know the shelter is available to everyone and working hard to eradicate violence, she said.
Proceeds from the event will benefit the agency, which is a domestic violence crisis intervention service. Rea and the local musicians siding him are donating their time and talent to the event. Jimmy is a staunch advocate against violence, and he shows it with his actions and his words, said Schiller.  That goes for all the musicians who will be there.
Rea, an ever-popular blues singer and bass guitarist,  has been playing the blues since the 1960s.
Though Rea is internationally known and has performed with legends like Pete Karnes, Muddy Waters and the group Canned Heat, he often plays small towns in the Northwest.
His father, county Judge Jimmy Lloyd Rea, often presided over cases involving domestic violence. That gave the son a chance to see the consequences of violence up close.
A lot of times, the cases were about parents beating and abusing their kids. I saw that it turned those kids sideways, Rea said. Its always driven me crazy. I cant stand that abuse stuff. This is my way of helping the people who need it.
Saturday night, Rea will appear with singer-guitarist Al Too Loud MacLeod, keyboardist Matt Cooper, guitarists Larry Robb and Jerry Smith, drummer Tim Erickson and saxophonist Greg Johnson.
Sit-in musicians will include Russell Hunt, Luke McKern, and Dave Yoder.
Hunt is a Navy veteran who played saxophone in the Navy Stage Band. He was once selected to play his instrument on the Tonight Show, but was unable to make it because of his service commitment.

Tickets for the benefit, priced at $10 per person and $15 for families, can be purchased at Shelter From the Storm.
We were a packed house last year, Schiller said. The Eagles were pleasantly surprised to find all their chairs filled with people.
The event is sponsored by Sorbenots Coffee, Dominos Pizza, Pizza Hut, New York Richies and Coca-Cola.

It is with the heaviest heart that I inform you that my webmaster, Gloria, passed away from complications brought on by cancer.

Gloria was strong to the end and, I believe, not planning on leaving us. For this reason, this website has been stagnant and had some technical difficulties. There has been a changing-of-the-guard, and this blog will remain up and running. There are even plans to improve.

It is hard posting here without Gloria’s keen eye and expertise watching my every move. She blocked the spam, intercepted the hurtful comments, and kept track of some craziness. She has left some awesome people behind to take her place, but no one can replace “our Gloria”. While going through some of the initial posts to this site, I found a comment to me from Gloria. It is as if she is speaking to me from where ever she is now. It reads:

“Great post, Dawn. You offered your readers a view of your world in a heartfelt and spontaneous way. Those moments of complete perfection are not always seen or felt, let alone expressed, even though they skirt the edge of what we think of as real and wait for that one moment of discovery. Beautiful is the word that comes into my mind that describes what you wrote. You showed what beauty looks, feels, and sounds like rather than trying to tell your readers what beauty is. This is a sign of a good writer, one who can give their readers an opportunity to have an experience without getting in their way by telling them what they should feel and think about an event and/or story. Showing the experience and allowing your reader to join you as it unfolds gives them a experiential peek into your world, whether it be today, yesterday, or tomorrows world.
Very well written. If this short piece is any indication of the writing style in your book, I can’t wait to read it. Glo “

Miss you Wildmind.

Dawn

If you wish to be placed on a mailing list for advanced notice for the book, please register with the button on the side panel. You can also leave your info under the comments, that way I know who is definitely interested.

Thank you.

Dawn

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It is time to share some of what has kept me busy since last summer and part of the reason why I haven’t had time to post. Sharon Holmes has moved in to live with me. My daughter gave up her room so she could be comfortable. Sharon has been sick you see, and this day was a good day.

Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers….. No matter what the past, when you are sick and have no one you do the right thing.

All your best wishes are well received.

Blessings,
Dawn

Last month was an eye opener. I attended my very first National Coalition Against Domestic Violence conference (NCADV) in Atlanta. It was an intense five days of workshops, pleanaries, networking and caucus events. It has been a long time since I have told my story to so many people in one short time period. I think the last time was to the police those many years ago. It was also overwhelming to hear other women’s stories. Terrible accounts of being stabbed, shot, children murdered before their eyes, neighbors murdered who tried to jump in to rescue…..and the list goes on. I know I had seen many of the attendees on shows like Oprah, but they were not there to talk about any kind of ill won fame. They were there to share their experience and offer inspiration and education.

Attendees filtered off into groups that they identified with and when I looked around for the place that I would fit in, a group that I never thought in my life I would feel like a member of had their door open and waiting for me -The Battered and Formerly Battered. Why I never thought myself a part of “them”, well, there are probably still many reasons, but I walked through the large double doors anyway and looked at the number I had been assigned – table number 4 – and sat down. Immediately I knew I belonged. Sweet, kind, caring women from all walks of life and at every stage of healing from their abuse shared with each other their experience, strength and hope. We got creative and we listened. When one of us broke down to cry, we offered an unparalled shoulder of understanding and cried together. We reinvented the wheel (the Power and Control wheel) and taught each other about diversity and new respect. And at the end we issued a statement of union. It is posted on the NCADV website (NCADV.org) and it goes like this:

In order for the domestic violence movement to facilitate effective and positive social change in our society, it is imperative that Battered and Formerly Battered Women have a clear presence and a loud voice to direct and guide this movement. We have a commitment to provide compassionate, respectful support to the women we serve. As a movement, it is in our best interest to consider survivors wealth of knowledge and resources, as well as represent those who have been silenced.

As Battered and Formerly Battered Women we fight against the stereotypes dominant culture forces on us. Then, we turn to the Battered Womens Movement that purports to validate and support us to find we must continue to struggle and educate. We refuse to have our experiences, reactions and our history pathologies. We will not be defined as having a psychological malady that caused, created, or attracted abuse to us and to our lives. We will not be defined as having a psychological malady because we have been battered.

The Battered and Formerly Battered Womens Caucus of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence call upon all Battered Womans Projects, Organizations and Workers to stop using clinical language, and mental health/social work models in their work with Battered Women and Children. These approaches were embraced to gain respect and support for the battered womens movement, but they have failed to do so. While this approach may have gained respect and financial advantage for some battered womens workers, this language has done so at a cost of revictimizing, disrespecting and demeaning Battered Women. It has also inadvertently aided batterers using institutional systems to persecute Battered Women, in areas such as child custody proceedings.

The Battered and Formerly Battered Womens Caucus of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence call upon all Battered Womans Projects, Organizations and Workers to recognize that it is your day-to-day advocacy and interaction with Battered Women and children that create social change. Focusing on mental health/social work models that promote the idea that Battered Women need treatment distracts from our most immediate work and deepest belief: the needs she brings to us for safety, support and justice and her inherent autonomy to direct her life and define her identity.

The Battered and Formerly Battered Womens Caucus of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence call upon researchers and academics within the movement to make their primary focus the cultural and systemic basis of abuse to women and children. We challenge researchers and academics to step up as partners in promoting social change to end battering and sexual assault. We also challenge them to reevaluate current practice that focuses on the outcomes of such research that concentrates on creating and perpetuating the concept of domestic violence as individual psychopathology and/or as caused by alcohol/drug abuse. We recognize past research has increased funding and validity for some; however, we believe the interpretation and implementation of such findings has aided in the suffering and death of the very individuals the research was intended to serve Battered Women and Children.
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I stood at the end of five days and made myself known as one who was formerly battered and was making a commitment to use my experience and knowledge – my voice – to help stop the violence against women.

Thank you.

Dawn