Some things I just can’t write here. Some things are too personal. And although I share a strange sense of connection with you, dear readers, I find the overwhelming rush of events that I’ve encountered recently too difficult to share right now. When it rains…. well you know how that saying goes.

I am okay though and staying focused on doing the things right in front of me. The writing has been exceptionally difficult now, especially with the added strains in my life today, but I have been making progress and my agent is very excited about what is shaping into our final pages. There are blessings here, that is for certain. Friends are standing up and showing their wonderful colors of loyalty, colors I never knew were there, and the kindness of everyone on this blog, your words of encouragement, have been a real source of strength for me. To be honest, many times I have shared your posts with my agent and described to her how you have given me the courage to keep writing.

So thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. And to those of you struggling or confused, take a deep breath and simply do the next right thing.

Blessings,
Dawn

Hello everyone. Just a quick note to let you know that Val Kilmer is signing the Wonderland Art for the same price up until this Friday. I just found out that this has been going on since last week. Sorry I didn’t let you know sooner. Hope this is of some interest to you.

Also, thanks for the encouraging comments. I am truly struggling right now and apologize for not posting more. And all of you that are sharing your stories, thank you. I hope you find some solace here.

Be well,

Dawn

Checking in with everyone of you who so faithfully come to read here and let you know I am okay….barely. I have run out of energy. Too many projects, difficult writing and unexpected emotional turmoil lately to find the energy to write a coherent post here. My apologies. I’m keeping the faith though, there is no doubt of that, but it has been a tough few weeks for me. A dear friend offered a wonderful weekend at his ranch in New Mexico last weekend and my daughter and I gratefully accepted. We had our own cottage on the river, beneath the majestic rocks and spent the days meditating and riding horses. It was so wonderful, like stepping into a warm, scented bathtub that washed all troubles away. Hard to come back, but at least now I know I am still breathing…and will continue to….no matter the heart aches, no matter the disappointments, no matter the…..

Be well friends. I will try to do the same.

Blessings,

Dawn

They are here! The Wonderland Artwork reprints, Val Kilmer’s creations, are finally available for sale. Yes, this is a shameless plug for a friend who put his heart, soul and backing into bringing to life a re-creation of the film Wonderland. When I first saw what he was up to in putting these works together, I was confronted with a prime example of how this story impacts not only the viewer, but the actors as well. I was honored to assist Val with my story, as I watched the churning out of this amazing pictoral artwork.

Take a look. Go to his website at www.valkilmer.com, it is worth it.

Blessings,

Dawn

By the way, today would have been John Holmes’ 61st birthday. I wonder how he would feel about this art.

If I told you I have been busy, you may think, “what the hell, we are all busy!” So let me steal a second of my precious little time to say I sincerely believe my agent comes from hell. (Yes, I hope she reads this.)

She wants more….. More detail, thoughts, visions, senses, feelings, smells, sounds and any other sensations. More, more, more. Damn it. Doesn’t she know that I’m already ripping every shred of memory from my roots. It hurts…and I just want her to tell me enough, “This is good Dawn, they will love it!”

To be honest, I don’t care if they love it or not right now. I really only want them to say, “Oh. I see. Interesting.” Or something similar to acceptance of the damn reality of the events. But NOOOOOO! Publishers want it all, I’m told. Crap. This is hard.

I have the hotline again this weekend. Last weekend the domestic violence calls just wouldn’t stop. Women in serious crisis, all needing real help; crying, unable to breath or think. They didn’t know what to do and their legs were cramping and they didn’t understand why. Why was this happening to them? “It’s not you,” I told them. “Nobody has the right to hit you. No matter what. Nobody! You deserve a good life. To be treated well.” The sad part is that they didn’t follow through. They never showed up for help on Monday to go to the safe house or get the restraining order. Damn. I know this made it harder for me to write deeper, like my agent wanted, about my own experience with John Holmes. Much harder.

For all of you who have been so patient for my book, here is the latest update. I have been overhauling the book as it had been written, by my agent’s instruction. She is tough. It seems it will not be released by late this year or early next. It is now in the hands of my agent and when she feels it will be ready to take to a publisher. “Soon, Dawn. It will be soon,” she tells me. But in agent-ese I’m really not sure what this means. I hope most of you can hold on, and if you can’t, I understand. Right ab0ut now, I’m not sure how I’m holding on with all of the rewrites she wants. God, I hope the hotline doesn’t ring anymore today.

Thanks to all of you. Blessings,

Dawn

Alright, I’m back. After being tagged by a an extremely bizarre person for the past ten plus months, I have decided to firm up my resolve and not be intimidated by the insanity of one sick individual anymore.

To fill most of you in, a woman, (who shall remain nameless), made claims to have been involved, (hidden in the closet), during the Wonderland murders. She asserted also that many other events took place that coincidentally rang parallel to what I experienced with John Holmes. Originally, she made these claims on another message board, stirring up a small group of posters who took it upon themselves to ask me, here on this site, to help her as a fellow survivor. I was compelled, yet what I knew of her story was extremely suspicious and my instincts warned me to stay clear of her and the “demands” to help her. In time, her story grew in unbelievability as I discovered her feigning to be a sweet blogger who loves basset hounds, the Navy and anything else my mother loved and wrote about on her own personal blog site. A site that has nothing to do with anything except family. This was an absolute invasion and insult to me.

I’m here to say I’m glad I listened to my instincts. Due to some wonderful investigative journalists and private investigators, everything this woman said to anyone, (and under every name she hid behind), was documented, researched and tracked. I am pleased to say this person has been exposed as a fraud. The facts revealed that she is a severely disturbed person with a history of placing herself into crime scenes and suffering from multiple personality disorders. This Wonderland story, it turns out, was just another place she was trying to make home. My sincere thanks to those who took her on and brought the truth to light. If you wish to read more on this story, I would direct you to the new link on this blog at www.8763wonderland.com. You may also find more information on the Wonderland gang and court hearings at this site by Rodger Jacobs.

So, friends. After a long spell of not really knowing who was a visitor with true intent on this site or a false presenter, I am now donning the war cry of Londoners and the world with respect to terrorism and coming back to post here without fear. This has indeed been the strangest of times.

Peace and blessings to all.

Dawn

This evening marks the 24th anniversary since the Wonderland murders. On this night, those many years ago, it would be the last evening four of the five people would ever spend here on earth. Everything was going to be great according to John when he left to go out that night, but we all know it didn’t turn out that way. Those four people never woke to see the sunrise again. All for what? A high?

I spoke to Sharon, to let her know I love her and hope she can sleep tonight. “I’ll be fine”, she tells me. But she can never sleep on this night, so I know she’ll be anything but fine. She will always be disgusted at the way John was involved, how he played a part in murder.

Thanks to Laura who made a comment here about how important it is to remember that the Wonderland gang, although very disturbed, were people too. That not only were their lives lost, but their families have had to endure terrible pain.

To Susan Launius who was left with the terrible wreckage of tragedy, may a world full of peace and blessings be yours.

Dawn

Part two–So Ho, New York. Enter the historical O.K. Harris Gallery and walk on the very wooden floors that exhibited an unknown artist by the name of Andy Warhol. Nostalgia whisks you to a time long gone as you walk through the expansive front entryway and under the high beamed ceiling sure you can hear a crowd who isn’t there admiring some ghostly art. Coming to the first private room on the right, here, in the very place that an also young Ivan Carp (aka, the Mayor of So Ho), who launched the neophyte Warhol, were placed a selection of oil paintings by my Uncle Rob. Rob March Harper received the honor of being showcased for a second time at this prestigious gallery and I couldn’t have been more proud of him. I love his work, (sorry I couldn’t post a photo). He is, in every sense of the word, a true artist. Always drawing, imagining, creating and teaching my daughter, his unique sense of what life is, has the power to challenge you to view the world in another dynamic and warm way. We are so proud of you Uncle Rob. Jade and I grandly stand before the OK Harris gallery, beaming.

We love you,
Dawn

Hello Everyone,

Just a quick note to tell you that after a long wait my friend, Val Kilmer, has officially opened his website to the public. Congratulations Val. It looks awesome!

Check it out at www.valkilmer.com, and if you are in London, go see him in The Postman Always Rings Twice. I wish I could, it has got to be great.

Take care,

Dawn

Blow me away! New York City is the best! I’m back from a great time in the Big Apple and I just know I have to go back. We had no where near enough time to see all this great city had to offer. Stepping out onto Times Square took me just to the edge of overwhelming. Concrete, steel and neon giants loomed high above us combining old deco and modern architecture to appear as breathtaking arms reaching into the clouds. Taxis dotted the streets with bright yellow as billboards flashed massive rainbows of animated advertisements, symbols and images. A wonderful bombardment of the senses and a real admiration and awe at the way my daughter showed true amusement and an immediate comfortableness with the busy surroundings.

“Toys R Us, Mom. I want to go to a Toys R Us!” she insisted.

I tried to gently distract her, not sure at all that we would find one. ‘Probably like finding a needle in a haystack’, I said to myself. We turned a corner and another, marveling loudly at the never ending display of buildings while my daughter stayed silently determined.

“Look, Mom! A Toys R Us! Over there!” I scanned the streets quickly and told her I was afraid there wasn’t one around, when she tugged me hard and pointed a good two blocks down and across the street. Sure enough, the largest Toys R Us in the US (at least) stood next to the ABC building.

“Oh my God! I can’t believe it. Leave it to her to find the largest toy store in New York. We have to go now!”

My Aunt, Uncle, daughter and I walked into an incredible maze of toys on five floors with a huge ferris wheel smack dab in the middle of the store. Now it was time for the adults in the group to turn into children, as we grabbed my daughter by the hand and forged right into the line for the ferris wheel. The line was quick and we got to sit in the My Little Pony car, just as we hoped for. Circling the levels of the store we watched a life size Tyrannosaurus Rex break into a real life roar, see Spiderman jump from wall to wall with his web, see a real Candyland (with lots of candy), witness the largest Barbie land ever, and gawk at a replica of the Empire State Building with King Kong hanging off it’s side made completely of Legos! Geeeezzzz, and this was only our first day! A fantasy right in the middle of Times Square! Ahhh, reliving it in memory is almost as wonderful.

Like I said, this was a great trip. Stay tuned for part two.

Dawn

(P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACK!)