Count them...write them down...the things you are grateful for. "I can't", I think. But today, it's because there are simply too many! My heart is full. Faces seem to float to the top of my thoughts. My daughter's beautiful smile...my family...good friends...a home...a warm bed...having enough. Yes enough. I am not hungry, I have purpose in my life. My deeds are well intended and I feel whole. At first, in the beginning of getting well, I saw nothing -- everything was dark to me. This pain, my pain, had to stop I decided, and so I made a committment to find my elusive light. A friend, Nan, who had offered me help, gave me instructions. "Write them down", she told me in an absolute tone, "Even if you don't feel it. Write down at least three things everyday that are gifts you are grateful for. Do this everyday, say thank you and more will come...I promise."
'What a crazy task', I balked, but I did them anyway. I said I would.
1. My dog. 2. Pizza. 3. Sleep.
My list stayed pretty much the same for many months, I remember, except the pizza, and sooner than I realized, my view of the world began to get lighter. Suddenly, I could move a little better -- freer, instead of constantly stumbling in the dark. I couldn't put my finger on it -- there was just more color everywhere -- and for some reason I was surrounded by it. Miraculously, I realized, with gratitude, I was in the presence of the beginning of hope.
Those days have turned to years now and when I hear the words of my good friend Nan say, "Write them down," instead of a list of three, I am guided to this computer to do just that.